Quotes / Harvester

Mrs. Pottsdam: Was it...suicide?

Sheriff: Never heard of anyone pulling their own spinal cord out before. Off the record, I'd have to say no. No, all in all, I'd say this was death by natural causes.

Steve: Natural causes?!

Sheriff: You can't live without a spinal cord, son. Nothing unnatural about that.

Priest: Is God a jar of strawberry preserves, a size 12 sneaker, a footlong Hogie, an all-expense paid trip to Brazil, or a NEWWW CARRRRR?!

Choice number 6: None of the above, it's a trick question.

Priest: Heretic!

Nearly everyone: You always were a kidder, Steve.

Steve: The bake sale is on Friday, and yet you're baking the cookies now?

Mum:: Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today!

Steve: But they'll be stale by then...

Mum: That's why I'm throwing them away.

Steve: And then cooking more?

Mum: To replace the ones I throw out.

Steve: Why?

Mum: I have to. No one's going to pay to eat stale cookies out of the garbage can.

Steve: But you expect me to...

Mum: Of course not, Steve. I wouldn't charge you. I'm your mother. Help yourself.