Quotes / Griefer

"A single player won't address you as a fucking n00b,
Or claim that he will shag your mom or set alight your pubes
A single-player won't denounce your skill with language cruel,
Nor kill you for an easy point before you've learned the rules
A single-player does not take up space within your team
Ignoring the objectives and your loud frustrated screams
They don't lurk in starting zones once at the highest level
And butcher Lv. 1 players in a grand, grief-tastic revel
A single-player won't invade you while you play Dark Souls,
Exploit a glitch and backstab you despite your combat rolls
A single-player won't hold you at gunpoint in DayZ,
Poison you, and leave you with your nethers swinging free
They've never found the bungalow you're building in Minecraft,
And poured lava down the chimney while they laughed and laughed and laughed"

—Jim & Yahtzee's Rhymedown Spectacular, "One is Fun"

"It's an asshole recruitment drive: you start playing as a fresh-faced Level 1 and get murdered by assholes. Obviously, you don't give a half-ounce of creamy baby excrement about helping your team win; your only real motivation is to avenge yourself upon the assholes. But by the time you've got the better guns that the assholes used on you, they've moved on to firing Dark-matter Jizz Rockets out of their Lv. 40 Diamantine Vaginas, and so you can only avenge yourself on their lower-level teammates — ensuring that the bleak cycle will begin anew."

—Zero Punctuation on Star Wars: Battlefront

"This second ad from Mindfire Academy features career advice from a preteen cyber bully, America's most beloved genre of person... This little bastard is so unlikeable that I'm starting to understand why someone would want to tamper with children's aspirin."

—Seanbaby, "The 6 Stupidest Video Game School Commercials"

"The closest I’ve come to such a humbling journey of bonding and hardship is playing three straight games of Capture the Flag on Modern Warfare 2 with the same random group of people. Not that our mics were turned on. Although one of them did call me 'a gay black faggot,' which may count as brotherly bonding."

—Stuart Millard

"My fiancee joined a Dungeons & Dragons group wherein the DM (that's nerd shorthand for Dungeon Master, the guy who runs the game) decided that he would make the game so brutally unfun for her that she would never want to play again... Even her fellow players worked against her — one of her teammates stole her character's only possession and threw it into a river, for no other reason than to be a dick. It didn't advance the game in any way, and it had no other strategic purpose. He just wanted to hurt her feelings. Making it so that she never wanted to play again was more important to them than actually enjoying the game, because somewhere along the line, the tabletop and video gaming community decided its sole purpose was to make sure that nobody has any fun."

—Cracked, "3 Fan Communities That Hate Their Own Members"

If MMORPG players were around when God said, "Let there be light" they'd have called the light gay, and plunged the universe back into darkness by squatting their nutsacks over it.

—Cracked, "The 7 Biggest Dick Moves in the History of Online Gaming"

"Too bad that there's nothing that you can do to stop me!
And if you are lucky, you will respawn far away!
You pray one day for relief, there's no such thing as good grief!
I don't know who could be worse, Goddamn I'm one good griefer!"

—JT Machinima, "The Griefer" Rap

Aaaah, tried to sneak through the door man! Can't make it! Can't make it, the shit's stuck! Out of my way, son! DOOR STUCK!! DOOR STUCK!! PLEASE! I BEG YOU!! WE'RE DEAD! YOU'RE A G-GENUINE DICK SUCKE—

— Counter-Strike fan video DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK!

"And then I realized...winning doesn't mean anything unless someone else loses."

— Man in Black, Westworld

Tycho: They're not playing this game. They're playing another game, where they win by making you incredibly angry.

Gabe: Well, they are really fucking good at it.

—PennyArcade, [1]

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