"Those traitorous squirrels lacked the will to serve me!"''
"We're in Castle Heterodyne with exploding collars around our necks, caught between a fake Heterodyne and a real one (as well as assorted criminals, maniacs, and various monsters), and I suspect that even if we found any beer in here, it would be evil, or at least flat."
— Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer!
"I will DESTROY 'Her Undying Majesty' - melt what is left of your miserable island to SLAG - AND BOIL THE SEAS AROUND YOU FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS!"
— Gil
"A good magician never reveals how a trick is done. An evil magician never leaves any evidence that there was a trick in the first place. So which am I going to have to be today?"
"This has a small, but fascinating, chance of actually working! Let's do it!"
— Agatha
Tarvek: I am not enjoying this — but I can do it all day! Understood?
Gil: *Snort*
Tarvek: What?!
Gil: Ha! That's a really good impersonation of my father!
Tarvek: ...
Tarvek: "...♥And now I will establish an illegitimate government based on brute force, which will eventually leave you under the heel of my debauched libertine of a son.♥ So make sure to hide all the booze and women.♥ Oh, yes."
Gil: *Snort*
Tarvek: What?!
Gil: Ha! That's a really good impersonation of my father!
Tarvek: ...
Tarvek: "...♥And now I will establish an illegitimate government based on brute force, which will eventually leave you under the heel of my debauched libertine of a son.♥ So make sure to hide all the booze and women.♥ Oh, yes."
"Don't try to boggle me mister talking cat. This is Mechanicsburg. You are by no means the strangest thing in this town."
— Carson von Mekkhan
"There's more to being an evil despot than getting cake whenever you want it."
Doctor Yglyn: Now! Are you prepared for the dark rites and twisted oaths of the Heterodynes?!
Agatha: Am I?
Yglyn: Oh. Ha! Sorry for the excess drama, I usually do the cathedral tour!
Agatha: So...dark rites?
Yglyn: Oh, my, yes! They accumulate, you know!
Yglyn: Some are purely ceremonial, but some utilize mysterious lost sciences to hold back hideous extradimensional beings that would ravage our world!
Agatha: Well, I guess we'd better at least do those...
Yglyn: Ooooh! You can tell the difference?! Wonderful!
Agatha: Am I?
Yglyn: Oh. Ha! Sorry for the excess drama, I usually do the cathedral tour!
Agatha: So...dark rites?
Yglyn: Oh, my, yes! They accumulate, you know!
Yglyn: Some are purely ceremonial, but some utilize mysterious lost sciences to hold back hideous extradimensional beings that would ravage our world!
Agatha: Well, I guess we'd better at least do those...
Yglyn: Ooooh! You can tell the difference?! Wonderful!
"Look. It's very simple. Yes, she's technically dead. But it's kind of a rolling death thing—so she's not all the way dead dead."
— Tarvek
Vanamonde: You've done your part! You fixed the castle! The Doom Bell rang! At this point, what else can you do?
[Agatha looks at statue of her heroic father and uncle.]
Agatha: Wrong question. I am the Heterodyne. MY town is under attack. The question is: WHAT CAN'T I DO?
[Agatha looks at statue of her heroic father and uncle.]
Agatha: Wrong question. I am the Heterodyne. MY town is under attack. The question is: WHAT CAN'T I DO?
"No! Not in the facing!"
— A sentient building
Well, you know what? I can do crazy. I really can. And it looks like I'm going to have to. Agatha is in danger. This whole town is in danger. If I'm going to be able to help her at all, I'll have to give up all this "being reasonable" garbage—and show you idiots what kind of a madboy you're really dealing with!
...oh. Oh, no. This must be how my father feels all the time!
...oh. Oh, no. This must be how my father feels all the time!
— Gil
"So, your stark raving highness, what pointless idiocy are you inflicting upon your empire today?"
