Quotes / Every Year They Fizzle Out

We've got the power to lose, the power to choke
Come on, Port Adelaide depression!
When finals are fought, we always fall short
It's a true Port Adelaide tradition!
We always stop, stop, stop when we're top, top, top,
September's here, we are shaking.
Come rain, shine or hail, the Power will fail
When the flag is there for the taking!

— Greg Champion, parody of Port Adelaide's theme song

We finished ninth again!
The Richmond Tigers finished ninth again!
In any season you will see it is our fate
To miss out on the eight
We win a few, then lose a lot, and then it is too late!
We just went down the drain
We haven't been much good since 1982
Be it Frawley or Jewell, Northey or Geisch,
We win a few late, and just miss the eight
We finished ninth again!

— Greg Champion, Parody of Richmond's theme song

It's been a long time
The Bombers have waited
Last time they won a final
We weren't even created

— Banner displayed by Greater Western Sydney against Essendon, Round 23, 2023^{For Context}Essendon's last finals victory was against Melbourne on September 4th, 2004. GWS were founded in 2010, played their inaugural season in 2012, reached a Grand Final in 2019, and have ultimately won 9 finals matches in that timeframe. GWS would go on to win by 126 points, ending Essendon's season and continuing the drought.

So many jokes, so many sneers,
But all those 'oh, so nears',
Wear you down, through the years.

— The Lightning Seeds ft. David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, "Three Lions (Football's Coming Home)"

This is a characteristic which has bedevilled the Scots (and not only in sport) since Macbeth was a boy. At their best they are matchless; at their worst they defy description, and you never know which extreme you are going to see. Given pygmies for opponents, they are liable to get slaughtered; faced by giants, they will run rings round them — and then snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by some last-minute folly. England, on the other hand, are steady and predictable; only they could have restored British prestige by winning the World Cup in 1966 with sound if uninspired football and bulldog determination. Scotland, who hadn't even been able to qualify, promptly suffered a rush of blood to the head and thumped them next time out, and the nation lived in a tartan euphoria — until the next disaster.

— George MacDonald Fraser, McAuslan

''"Somehow, every incarnation becomes the apocalypse. Somehow, the fans are still around by the time the next race comes along, this time bringing friends they want to introduce to this show that sucks so much now.

— Adam-Troy Castro, My Ox is Broken

"It's amazing, really — over forty years in the league and all you have to show for it are a whopping four wins in the Conference Finals. All of those regular season accolades and trophies mean shit. Their fans get PTSD over hearing the words 'Penguins', 'Islanders', and 'Rangers', which is justified since those teams have owned them like slaves. I would drink the tears and misery of Caps fans everywhere, but unfortunately they have no Cups. This (the 2016-17 season) is, what the general manager admitted, the final year they could really push for a Cup run before they have to re-tool everything, so they should — the Metro Division is stacked this year? Well, here's to hoping you actually beat the Pens in a series. Don't worry Ovi, someday you'll make it to the third round of the playoffs. Someday."

— UrinatingTree, "The Washington Capitals: A Legacy of Failure".^note  Incidentally, they lost a second round series to the Penguins that year. The year after, though, the Capitals finally won the Cup.

"-Rambling aside this hypothetically ends one of the more frustrating eras of Steeler history. A time when they boasted incredible talent never seen before only to let their own arrogance consume their ambitions whole. A group that should've at least competed in a Super Bowl got nowhere near it. They only have themselves to blame. You could say the black and gold brigade has hit rock bottom but there is much further to fall down this pit. Unless they can bolster the Defense quickly the Pittsburgh Steelers may be in for some very lean years ahead."

— UrinatingTree, Days Of Our Steelers: Episode Eighteen - Mr. Big Chest's Self-Destructive Opus summing up the very disappointing Pittsburgh Steelers of the New Tens.

"The Clippers can't make it past the second round of the playoffs! The Clippers can't make it past the second round of the playoffs! The Clippers can't make it past the second round of the playoffs! -second round of the playoffs -second round of the playoffs! -second round of the playoffs! -second round of the playoffs! -second round-second round-second round-second round-second round-second round-second round-second round-second round-"

— UrinatingTree, Congrats, Clippers! (2020), after the L.A Clippers fail to once again, advance past the semifinals in the 2020 NBA playoffs.

"The Toronto Maple Leafs rarely win but when they do, it's the hard way. (...) Way back in 1964, they won the Stanley Cup by beating the Red Wings in five games. Since that night, almost six decades ago, they've won just one seven-game series in fewer than six games. One! If you started watching hockey in 1964, you've seen the Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup more often than you've seen them win a short and stress-free playoff series, which is pretty amazing considering their whole thing is that they never win the Stanley Cup."

— Sean McIndoe, It’s a Game 7 nobody predicted and everyone expected from the NHL’s most exhausting team^note The Leafs would go on to lose said game, increasing their playoff series victory drought to 17 years.

"We're gonna win one, lose one, draw the easy one,
Scrape into the knockout stage,
And then go out on penalties again."

—Mitch Benn, "Win One, Lose One"

---