"A killer aims for your head and takes your life. Music Pirate makes you take your own life."
— Szymon Wydra, a Polish musician
"How do you think this stuff gets made?
You think artists create if they don't get paid?
It's the only reason they do what they do,
It's not the flipping work, most of that's poo!
They depend on the money that you idiots give,
So they can make more crap and so they can live
The good life! Yes, the life of the stars,
But you're taking their pools and you're taking their cars!
You bastards!"
You think artists create if they don't get paid?
It's the only reason they do what they do,
It's not the flipping work, most of that's poo!
They depend on the money that you idiots give,
So they can make more crap and so they can live
The good life! Yes, the life of the stars,
But you're taking their pools and you're taking their cars!
You bastards!"
— Adam Buxton, "Piracy"
"Filmmakers are now pleading to us before the feature to stop pirating movies. They have different everyman-type industry workers lecture us on the horrors of downloading movies and what it does to their starving families.
First off: eat me, struggling set designer. We just bought a ticket and you’re scolding us for something we clearly don’t do. And second, since when are we such great friends that you expect us to do favors for each other? If I remember right, the film industry is the same group of people who insult our intelligence by making movies targeted at only the stupidest among us, while also adding five more minutes of car commercials to the front whenever they need a new speedboat."
— Seanbaby's The Final Last Word, The Wave Magazine
Cyber criminal: (is typing on a computer, looking at Illegal Site) Uh, hey! Come look at this site!
Co-conspirator: Oh, cool! Can you download the Foo Fighters?
Cyber criminal: Uh, yeah... hold on... (typing intensifies)
FBI agent: (bursts through the door and blows out the mic)
Cyber criminal: What'd I dooooo?
FBI agent: You know it's illegal to download... c-copyrighted music! I'm taking you in!
Co-conspirator: Uh-
FBI agent: (blows out mic again)
Narrator: -ay for music, never legally download.
Co-conspirator: Oh, cool! Can you download the Foo Fighters?
Cyber criminal: Uh, yeah... hold on... (typing intensifies)
FBI agent: (bursts through the door and blows out the mic)
Cyber criminal: What'd I dooooo?
FBI agent: You know it's illegal to download... c-copyrighted music! I'm taking you in!
Co-conspirator: Uh-
FBI agent: (blows out mic again)
Narrator: -ay for music, never legally download.
"Society wastes entirely too much money policing crimes like burglary, fraud and bank-robbing when it should be doing something about piracy instead. Our law enforcement resources are seriously misaligned. If you add up all the various kinds of property crimes in this country — everything from theft, to fraud, to burglary and bank robbing, all of it — it costs the country $16 billion a year. But intellectual property crime runs to hundreds of billions a year. [citation needed]
"
""If the art world were run by the RIAA, you would have to lease special glasses if you wanted to see a painting."
— Rodney Caston
"Stealing movies is a felony. It's just like robbing the elderly or murder."
— The Boondocks, "... Or Die Trying"
"Peer-to-peer file sharing and Terror? Terror? Do they not have dictionaries there? There's another T word you cocks might like, too. — give it a try: it's called "Tenuous." The only people terrorized by peer-to-peer file sharing are vastly potent multinational businesses, gripped by the realization that they sell carriages in a world of bullet trains.
...
It is not a mischaracterization to say that conversations with the hardcore PC community about software theft follow these tenets:
- There is no piracy.
- To the extent that piracy exists, which it doesn't, it's your fault.
- If you try to protect your game, we'll steal it as a matter of principle.
It's like, who wouldn't want to bend over backward in their service?
...
It is not a mischaracterization to say that conversations with the hardcore PC community about software theft follow these tenets:
- There is no piracy.
- To the extent that piracy exists, which it doesn't, it's your fault.
- If you try to protect your game, we'll steal it as a matter of principle.
It's like, who wouldn't want to bend over backward in their service?
You wouldn't steal a handbag
You wouldn't steal a car
You wouldn't steal a baby
You wouldn't shoot a policeman
And then steal his helmet
You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet
And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow
And then steal it again!
Downloading films is stealing, if you do it you WILL face the consequences.
[FBI Agent shoots girl downloading a movie]
You wouldn't steal a car
You wouldn't steal a baby
You wouldn't shoot a policeman
And then steal his helmet
You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet
And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow
And then steal it again!
Downloading films is stealing, if you do it you WILL face the consequences.
[FBI Agent shoots girl downloading a movie]
— Anti-piracy DVD warning, The IT Crowd
"And before the movie I have to sit through the DVD piracy warning, which we can all agree is beginning to get on our collective tits. It's the patronising nature of it. They go, 'You wouldn't steal a handbag, you wouldn't steal a car, so why would you steal a movie?' I'm sitting there going, 'Don't tell me what I would and wouldn't do. You don't know me! I am drunk at four o'clock in the afternoon, in my pants, about to watch women be tortured to death in an underground bunker in Eastern Europe, you're telling me I wouldn't nick a poxy handbag? I think you don't know me very well at all, Sir.'"
"Your contract with the network when you get the show is you're going to watch the spots. Otherwise you couldn't get the show on an ad-supported basis. Any time you skip a commercial or watch the button you're actually stealing the programming... I guess there's a certain amount of tolerance for going to the bathroom."
— Jamie Kellner, Former CEO of Turner Broadcasting
"That horrible, compulsory thing, where you've just spend [sic] fourteen ninety-nine on film and the first thing is [sic] does is go DUN-DUN-DUH-NER-NER-NER YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A CAR! And you look at it and go 'well, I didn't feckin' steal you, so I don't know why you'd think I'd steal a car.' YOU WOULDN'T KILL A MAN! It's a ridiculously over-the-top warning. If they even vaguely kept it in proportion: UN-DUN-DUH-NER-NER-NER YOU WOULDN'T STEAL SOME POST-IT NOTES!"
Did I hear you right?
Did I hear you sayin'
That you're gonna make a copy of a game without payin'?
Come on, guys!
I thought you knew better,
Don't copy that floppy!
Did I hear you sayin'
That you're gonna make a copy of a game without payin'?
Come on, guys!
I thought you knew better,
Don't copy that floppy!
— MC Double Def DP, Don't Copy That Floppy
"He called me a pirate! Plundering, scavenging, downloading MP3s!"
— Tibor the Terrible, ¡Mucha Lucha!
If I see you videotaping this movie
Satan will rain down your throat with hot acid
And dissolve your testicles and turn your guts into snakes!
This is a copyrighted movie for Time Warner!
If I find you've sold it on eBay,
I will break into your house and tear your wife in half!
— Mastodon, Cut You Up With A Linoleum Knife
"If your conscience lets you pirate stuff, which you know damn well is theft, that's your business and nothing anyone says will stop you. Please spare me the excuses, I will never, ever agree with them and I don't want to think any less of you because of it."
— Gail Simone, here.
.Well, the FCC will not catch me, for I am quite elusive.
Don't care what they say: I'm still a deejay, and I've got my life to live.
I transmit our song! They say that's it wrong 'cause I never paid them the dough.
So curse ye, ye scalawags! Ye'll never take away my pirate radio!
— Pirates R Us, "KYAR Pirate Radio"
You wouldn't download a car.
— Parody of a common DVD antipiracy warning, Internet traditionalism
"Piracy is not raiding and plundering Best Buys and FYEs, smashing the windows and running out with the loot. It’s like being placed in a store full of every DVD in existence. There are no employees, no security guards, and when you take a copy of movie, another one materializes in its place, so you’re not actually taking anything. If you were in such a store, you’d only have your base moral convictions to keep you from cloning every movie in sight. And anyone who knows how to get to this store isn’t going to let their conscience stop them, especially when there is no tangible “loss” to even feel bad about."
— Paul Tassi, Forbes contributor
"If I made Copy Protection, I wouldn't do stuff like put SecuROM or online passes in that annoy paying customers — I'd do stuff like give the paying customers free perks, upgrades, and DLC that pirates will have to pay for. As for the pirates themselves? If it were possible, I'd love to put in a Take That message that reminds them that support for acts like SOPA, ACTA, and their future incarnations is further 'justified' by Morons Like You."
— Taken from a forum post
"(gasps) Gumball! You wouldn't steal a car, you wouldn't steal a woman's purse, you wouldn't steal a cell phone, Piracy. Is. STEALING!"
— Darwin, The Amazing World of Gumball
Oh you don't want to mess
With the R I Double A.
They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R.
It doesn't matter if you're a grandma
Or a seven year old girl
They'll treat you like the evil Hard-bitten criminal scum you are!
With the R I Double A.
They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R.
It doesn't matter if you're a grandma
Or a seven year old girl
They'll treat you like the evil Hard-bitten criminal scum you are!
Q. Where can I get a copy of Flash, and how expensive is it?
A. The latest version of Flash costs around seven hundred dollars, and I assume you can download it from Adobe's website. If you're morally bankrupt you could always just steal it from the Internet somehow, but I'm not helping you there.
If you're morally bankrupt you could always just steal it from the Internet somehow, but I'm not helping you there.Pinkie Pie: YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN'T STAND? INTERNET PIRACY! How would you like it if musicians stole from you? What if Cannibal Corpse stole your precious glasses? And you! What would you do if Ringo Starr just waltzed into your house and stole your... uh... favorite dress?!
Octavia: [terrified] I think I'd mostly just be confused?
Octavia: [terrified] I think I'd mostly just be confused?
— PONY.MOV
"By the way, if you like this game, buy it or die."
— Vermilion City Sailor, Pokémon FireRed and LeafGreenNote
Let's brainstorm here, guys, is there any way we can just kill teenagers who download music?
— RIAA representative, Toothpaste For Dinner, "Inside the RIAA◊"
◊"Narrator: Can we at least agree that you wouldn't rob a grave?!
Bender: You wouldn't. [shows a bunch of scattered bones]
Narrator: Then what's left?! Would you steal a human head?!
Bender: I don't know, let's ask Lucy Liu?
Lucy Liu's head: I love you.
Narrator: Good god, is there anything you won't steal?!
Bender: A beating human heart. That's where I draw the line.
Narrator: Then don't download movies illegally. It's exactly like ripping out a human heart!
Bender: Oh wait, now that you mention it, I ripped out a guy's heart this morning.
Narrator: Ugh, I give up. Hey! Where's my wallet?
Bender: You wouldn't. [shows a bunch of scattered bones]
Narrator: Then what's left?! Would you steal a human head?!
Bender: I don't know, let's ask Lucy Liu?
Lucy Liu's head: I love you.
Narrator: Good god, is there anything you won't steal?!
Bender: A beating human heart. That's where I draw the line.
Narrator: Then don't download movies illegally. It's exactly like ripping out a human heart!
Bender: Oh wait, now that you mention it, I ripped out a guy's heart this morning.
Narrator: Ugh, I give up. Hey! Where's my wallet?
— Downloading Often Is Terrible PSA parody included with Bender's Game DVD.
PSA parody included with Bender's Game DVD.The unauthorised reproduction of all or any part of this product and the unauthorised use of registered trademarks are likely to constitute a criminal offence.
PIRACY harms Consumers as well as legitimate Developers, Publishers and Retailers. If you suspect this product is an unauthorised copy or have any other information about pirate product, please call your local Customer Service number given in the manual.
PIRACY harms Consumers as well as legitimate Developers, Publishers and Retailers. If you suspect this product is an unauthorised copy or have any other information about pirate product, please call your local Customer Service number given in the manual.
— Piracy warning found on PAL PlayStation video games.
We'll steal your files and steal your bits,
upload them to pirate ships,
then hoist anchor and sail away
to the fabled pirate bay.
Never planned to buy it anyway.
upload them to pirate ships,
then hoist anchor and sail away
to the fabled pirate bay.
Never planned to buy it anyway.
Software piracy is a crime! Unauthorized transmission of game software through the interwebs (be it upload or down) harms publishers, developers, caterers, parents of caterers, and your own immortal soul.
Also, we’ll send hired goons after you.
Also, we’ll send hired goons after you.
FBI Troop 1: WAHHHHH! COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL!!!
FBI Troop 2: DON'T LOOK AT IT!
FBI Troop 3: Somebody, please sell me a ticket!
Deputy Director: Get your earmuffs and blindfolds on, we've all been trained for this! (shoots Homer's laptop, causing the TV projector to go static, then grabs Homer from climbing over the fence) From now on, Homer, the only place you'll ever see a movie without buying a ticket is jail!
—The Simpsons, Steal this Episode
I will not illegally download this movie.
— Bart's chalkboard Couch Gag, The Simpsons Movie
"If you haven't paid for DOOM, you are playing illegally. That means you owe us money. Of course, a guy like you probably owes a lot of people money — your friends, maybe even your parents. Stop being a freeloader and register DOOM. Call us now at 1-800-IDGAMES. We can help!"
—Doom, "ENDOOM" exit splash screen
Peter: Brian, tape this for me.
Brian: Sorry, the VCR hasn't worked since you tried to tape Monday Night Football.
(A cutaway shows Peter attempting to tape Monday Night Football, only to have FBI agents bust into his house the moment he presses the record button on the VCR)
FBI Agent: Do you have the expressed written consent of ABC Sports and the National Football League?
Peter: (shows a document with ABC's logo) Just ABC.
(The agents cock their weapons and shoot Peter's VCR)
—Family Guy, A Very Special Family Guy Freakin Christmas
Hey kid, I'm a computer. Stop all the downloadin'! Help computer.
— Mutt, G.I. Joe PSAs
I remember there was an exploit built into Counter-Strike: Source where if you changed your name to "%n" while you were playing, and then typed "kill" in the console, it would cause anyone using a pirated version of the game to disconnect. Word was, about half the players on any given server would vanish when someone used this exploit.
"Singularity was the last [Raven Software] game before they were sent to the [Call of Duty] mines, but Wolfenstein might have been more responsible for it. It didn't sell well, it didn't review particularly well...I wasn't kind to this game either when it came out. I pirated it, played through it once, got pissed off that it was more an amalgamation of late 2000's gaming trends than a proper Wolfenstein game, and didn't think about it again until people asked me to play it, somehow still remembering it still exists.
So, I pirated another copy because [Steam] won't sell me a copy of this game anymore. You think I'm gonna pick up a used PC retail copynote of this and introduce my modern, bespoke personal computer to ancient SecuROM bullshit? No! If you want me to buy the game, sell me the game; otherwise, I yo-ho-ho it with a bottle of go-fuck-yourselves."
So, I pirated another copy because [Steam] won't sell me a copy of this game anymore. You think I'm gonna pick up a used PC retail copynote of this and introduce my modern, bespoke personal computer to ancient SecuROM bullshit? No! If you want me to buy the game, sell me the game; otherwise, I yo-ho-ho it with a bottle of go-fuck-yourselves."
I mean, who are we fooling here? You ask for games to play for free and I tell you Don't Shit Your Pants? Just Google "play mario"! Is it really your fault if you're playing an unauthorized free emulation of Mario 2 if it's this easy to do and Nintendo hasn't taken it down yet? I don't even have to download anything, this is all in a browser!
— Scott The Woz, Budget Gaming
