Quotes / Dastardly Whiplash

Film — Live-Action

"So, I know what you're thinking: Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a mustache from the Civil War?"

— Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

"Every plot twist came with the twirl of a moustache and ended in an exclamation mark."

— Sherlock, Mr. Holmes

Literature

The vizier twirled his mustache, probably foreclosing another dozen mortgages.

— Sourcery

But these tender passages, sacred though their fervour, did not pass unobserved by profane eyes; for crouched in the bushes and gritting his teeth was the dastardly 'Squire Hardman! When the lovers had finally strolled away he leapt out into the lane, viciously twirling his moustache and riding-crop, and kicking an unquestionably innocent cat who was also out strolling.

"Curses!" he cried — Hardman, not the cat — "I am foiled in my plot to get the farm and the girl!"

— Sweet Ermengarde

One thing I will credit the blighter with: his sense of spectacle was perfect. “Ah, Mister MacDonald!” he cried, menacingly twirling the antichemwar vibrissae glued to his upper lip.

— Trunk and Disorderly by Charles Stross

Live-Action TV

"Haven't you read the Super Villain's Handbook? This is where you're supposed to twirl your moustache and gloat."

— John, Farscape ("Picture If You Will")

Book: Got your next heist planned?
Simon: No. But I'm thinking of growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.

— Firefly ("Ariel")

"Mr. Worf, villains who twirl their moustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged."

— Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation ("The Drumhead")

Music

Black hat, black suit, my shady clothes
Mustache twirled tight beneath my nose
Creeping, I lurk in the shadows
'Cause I'm a criminal
Boo! Hiss! At me when I'm around
That miss I'll take without a sound
My lair is hidden underground
My scheme? The pinnacle

—The Cog Is Dead, "Bad Guy"

I'm the meanest genius scheme unfurler
Genus steeped in burglars, murderers
Fiend Weekly's champ moustache twirler
I cheated, I used curlers

— The Stupendium, "Fiend Like Me"

Webcomics

"I mean, threatening innocents to get the Good Guy to cave? I might as well grow a mustache and twirl the end while I'm at it."

— Redcloak, The Order of the Stick

Web Original

Fieschi ended up with severe injuries from the explosion, which prevented him from fleeing the scene while twirling his mustache and muttering "Blast!"

— Cracked, The 5 Most Ridiculous Assassination Plots Ever Attempted

"It is a simple brutal logic from a simple brutal race. Naturally then, he blames all of his problems on Romana, a woman, in the last episode instead of looking somewhere a little closer to home. She displays all the characteristics he could never understand: kind, caring and beautiful. These things mean nothing on Skonnos. [...] Soldeed is pretty worthless as a character, more of a statement for this planet's militaristic impotence than a living, breathing individual in his own right."

—Joe Ford on Doctor Who, "The Horns of Nimon"

Western Animation

"Oh, you're up. Goody. We can start your history lesson. Long before there were loud-mouthed buff guys in spandex, there was the Gentleman Villain. His favorite sinister act was this: tying someone to a train track. It's simple, inexpensive, personal, and deadly. But it gives you a little hope. Maybe you'll escape. [muffled shouting from Blind Rage] Lesson's not over, sonny! Now, the Gentleman Villain had these old-school time bombs — three sticks of dynamite wired to an alarm clock. And what was so poetic about that is that they ticked! You could hear them. Tick, tick, tick! Nowadays, they're just digital. No sound, no peril. [sound of a train approaching] Oh. Oh, ho, ho! Do you hear that? There's the ticking. The train is coming! Is it on this track? Tick, tick, tick. Maybe it's on the other track. Tick, tick, tick! [Evil Laugh] Not bad for an old man, huh? I'm gonna get going and let you try to escape. And if you do, tell the Peril Partnership that the Guild isn't scared of punks. If you don't? Eh... sorry."

— Red Death, The Venture Bros.

Scrooge: The movie should be in color. Color's all the rage these days. Oh! And the villain is going to need a moustache to twirl whenever he does something evil.
[...]
Dewey: I didn't understand what was happening or what the bad guy was doing or even who the bad guy was.
Scrooge: I knew he needed a moustache!
[...]
Dewey: Uncle Scrooge, stop the bad guy!
Scrooge: Which is the bad guy? If only one had a blasted moustache!

—Ducktales 2017, "The Duck Knight Returns!"

Real Life

"With Robotnik, there wasn't quite so much to pull from with the source material, because he is very moustache-twirly..."

— Jeff Fowler, on his interpretation of Dr. Robotnik in Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

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