Quotes / Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon

Anime & Manga

"...One more word out of you and I swear I will grind off every one of those teeth with an iron file."

— Firo Prochainezo, Baccano! 1935B - Dr. Feelgreed

Comic Books

[to Constantine] As a matter of fact, I do have an answer for that. I'm going to shove my hand up your arse and pull out your fucking soul, and after some intense political re-education, I'll stick it back in again, then you're going to go out and spread the word from city to city, the appointed Herald of the New Church of Satan. John the Anti-Baptist. [to Chas] As for you, bigmouth, you're going to be spending the rest of your life as a condom.''

— The Fuckpig, Hellblazer: Son Of Man

Fan Works

"That didn't just happen and none of you remember anything. Or I will scoop out your brains and make a pie, understood?"

— Asuka, Advice and Trust, chapter 4

"...but when asked to confirm whether their forehead ridges were disappearing, the Klingon public relations officer cut off our correspondent's head, defecated in his skull and fed the body to his pet targs."

— Farce Contact, a Star Trek: Enterprise Parody Fic

<TearyoureyesoutandEATTHEM,> sent Satan Girl, not even conscious of her speech.

— Hellsister Trilogy

"You've just about got it up for me to give you a preview of the match right here. There aren't enough of the Clan left hardly to count anymore, and you want to down them. I ought to pull your tongue out through your nostrils."

— Jara, Kara of Rokyn

"Yes! Now get it out of me before I kill the both of you, and turn your hides into my own personal pajamas!"

— The Mistress, Extended Stay Chapter 13

"For such impudence, I would strip another’s flesh from her face. Then I would let them bleed to death in their bonds."

— Deathbird, A Prize for Three Empires

Films — Animated

Steeeeern! He's nothing but a low-down double-dealing back-stabbing larcenous perverted worm! Hanging's too good for him! Burning's too good for him! He should be cut up into little bits and pieces and buried alive! I'LL KILL HIM! KIIIILL!

— Hanover Fiste, Heavy Metal

Films — Live-Action

Thug: Is there a name for the private little world you live in? What happens there when we don't just run away? You'll kill us with a soup cup?
Riddick: Tea, actually.
Thug: What's that?
Riddick: (holding it up) I'll kill you with my teacup.

— The Chronicles of Riddick

"You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil!"

—Harry, Home Alone

Guy of Gisborne: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?
Sheriff of Nottingham: Because it's dull, you twit. It'll hurt more.

— Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, explaining the Trope Namer for the benefit of those who don't get it.

"Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you. And if you betray us, I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls, got it?"

— Chris, Team America: World Police

Literature

Wolf throws his head back and gives a great howl of rage, promising strange and unusual revenges.

— The Bloody Road to Death by Sven Hassel

ART, on private channel: If you even think about harming them, I will disassemble you and peel away your organic parts piece by piece before destroying your consciousness. Do we understand each other?

— The Murderbot Diaries

Signalman: For pity's sake! Take this Spamcam away! It's failed, the Limited is behind, and all he does is wail for his fitter!
D199: Spamcam?! I'm—
Signalman: Stow it! Or I'll take my tin-opener to you! Now then!

— The Railway Series, "Super Rescue"

M'Aiden Ty-One: If you were fortunate enough to be The One, how will you dispatch the snivelling bastard?

Chi'Panastee: I've given it much thought, and I have decided to saw off the top of his skull with a blunt blade and slowly spoon out his brains before his eyes, whilst simultaneously kicking him in the gonads with a steel-capped boot until they are pulped to a consistency resembling, in colour and consistency, boysenberry jam.

M'Aiden Ty-One: Nice.

Chi'Panastee: Either that, or I'll rip his limbs off one by one and bugger him to death with the soggy end of his right arm.

M'Aiden Ty-One: Not bad. What it lacks in finesse, it more than makes up for in spectacle.

Chi'Panastee: Or, or I might split open his stomach with a pair of rusty scissors, forcefeed him his own spleen, liver, pancreas and kidneys, raw, then tug out his bowels and hold them over his face until the offal works its way through what's left of his digestive system and drown him in his own crap.

—Red Dwarf: Backwards

Live-Action TV

"I will kill you 18 different ways with this paperclip!"

— Ziva David, NCIS

Leon: It's not technically a crime to scam a scammer!
Nigerian gangster: But it is a crime to cut out a man's intestines, and make him wear them as a hat.

— Person of Interest, "All In"

"BEGONE WITH YOU, PULPY! BEFORE I FOLD YOU INTO SOME KIND OF BROCHURE!"

— Artie, The Adventures of Pete & Pete

Roleplay

"You...are...NOT...getting...out...of...here...this...time. You understand that? You UNDERSTAND that?! I'm going to f**king KILL you! I'm going to rip out your intestines and while you're still alive because it takes hours to die that way I'll shove them up your mouth and laugh as you choke on your own s**t, and I'll carve my name into your corpse!"

— Venomstripe (to Pulse), Warrior Cats RPG

Video Games

Tassiter: What's going on up there, John? The readings we've—
Jack: SHUT THE HELL UP, TASSITER! SHUT. THE HELL. UP! My ex-girlfriend and her two BFFs just tried to kill me, and the LAST thing I need right now is your senile ass WHINING IN MY EAR! If I get ONE more message from you that isn't, "Attaboy Jack", or, "I'm sending you a big bag of money", I'm gonna reach through my ECHO and GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY PINKIES! ARE WE CLEAR?!
Tassiter: I... Goodbye, John.
Jack: GOODBYE! THANK YOU FOR CALLING!

— Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!

"YOU SEE THIS BURNING, BLOODY UNIVERSE? YOU SEE THIS ULTIMATE, UNLIMITED POWER? Varik. I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT. you little fuckers are going to have your bodies ripped in half. i'll shove your asses so far down your throats that when you crap you'll sing fucking beethoven. tl;dr: eat shit, faggots."

— Dr. Andonuts, The Halloween Hack

Get Fletch and Hawke! Get Fletch and Hawke!
Get them alive, I want to feed them to the fish. Piece by piece!

— Ilya Rakov threatening the players, Steve Fletch and Austin Hawke, The Mark

"Why you snivelling shopa! For this, I will scoop out your eyeballs and feed your bones to my dogs!"

— The Commissar, PAYDAY 2, Hotline Miami

If... If I were to make a word-for-word translation of my master's outburst, your bowels would boil and the walls would bleed. Instead, let me just say that Inbeda would be happy to string every member of the Jingu Clan on a single length of barbed wire - in the mouth and out the anus - to form a crude human centipede which he would use as a mount. The samurai and the Oni... they do not get along.

— The Mask of Kan'Ami, translating for Inbeda of the House-In-Exile, The Secret World

Visual Novels

I will end you. I will grind you into dust and snort you. I'll mail whatever's left to your parents in a can of whatever cheap coffee poor people drink.

—Poppy Min-Sinclaire, Queen B

Web Original

"I may actually stop at the patent office... because I'm about to invent a whole new kind of pain for you, Lelouch!"

— Death the Kid, Code MENT/None Piece

"I'm going to find this 'Nathan Johnson'. And when I find him, I'm going to rip his fucking heart out! Then, I'm going to eat it, and poop it out, then turn it into coffee. So I can drink it. And finally get some fucking coffee."

— Commissar Steve, A Day in the Life of a Commissar.

"I AM GOING TO CASTRATE HIM WITH A BUTTER KNIFE! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL TIE YOU TO A CHAIR FIRST AND GAG YOU WITH A GOD DAMN DAIKON RADISH!"

— Chi-Chi learning that her husband just sent their son to fight Perfect Cell, Dragon Ball Z Abridged

I'm sorry, WHAT?! I spent all that time figuring out that puzzle just to come in here and have a dog take it?! Oh. OHHHHHH. There are going to be SEVEN SHADES OF SHITE slapped out of that dog when I find it again!

— Jacksepticeye, Undertale

"Dash, either you make this stop right now or I will make a suit out of your parents' skin and fuck you while wearing it"

— My Little Pony: Totally Legit Recap "Parental Glideance"

"If you attempt to hold me here against my will, I shall remove your eyes from your tiny skull, and replace them with ping-pong balls, WITH SIMILAR EYES DRAWN ON THEM!!"

—O'Malley, Red vs. Blue

Now, if you could be a dear and tell me the location of the second Gate of Time, I would be most grateful. And by "most grateful," I mean I won't pull your teeth out through your anus.

— Ghirahim, Skyward Sword the Abridged Series Episode 06

I will cut you with my hammer. And hammers don't usually cut, so try to imagine how much of a long and painful process this will be. And it's wood, too, so be expecting some splinters in that grievous wound. That won't be too fun, now would it?

— King Dedede, Smash Kingdom: Melee

Western Animation

"I'll tie your lips behind your head and you'll never kiss again!"

— Kootie Pie, The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, "The Beauty of Kootie"

Pam, if a single one of these has left this building, I will personally sew you into a canvas bag full of rats and throw that bag into the river.

— Sterling Archer, "The Figgis Agency", Archer

Coach Blunt: And for that, I vow to mash him up and stuff him into her fancy red hat!
Professor Maelstrom: There are more devastating ways to wreak revenge than bodily harm, Coach dearest.
Coach Blunt: Oh? I'm not personally familiar with those ways.

—Carmen Sandiego

I'm going to eat your soul, shit it out, and use it to smother your fucking girlfriend to death.

—Death, Castlevania (2017)

"Now you take good care of my precious little babies, they mean the world to me. If I come back here and find one feather out of place on their little heads, I'M GONNA EAT YA WITH THIS CEREAL SPOON!"

— Vulture, Courage the Cowardly Dog

"I will drown you in barbecue sauce and have Chris eat your body!"

— Dan, Dan Vs., "The Mechanic"

"I am a zombie, and I will malice you with a shoehorn!"

— Ed, Ed, Edd n Eddy

"...And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs!"

— Roberto, Futurama, "Insane in the Mainframe"

YOU! You will regret what you have done this day! I will make you regret ever being born! You're going to regret you ever left you mother's womb, where it was warm, and safe, and wet! I'm going to show you pain you never knew existed, you're going to see a whole new specturm of pain! Like a RAINBOW! But! THIS rainbow is not just like any other rainbow, it's—

— Scrotus, Korgoth of Barbaria

Now if you ever go near my family again, they're gonna need a 6th Level locator spell just to find what's left of you. Jerk.

— Juniper Lee, The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

"I ought to press you into jerk cider!"

— Rainbow Dash, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000"

"Shut your pie hole, Blip! Why, twenty years ago I woulda put your head in a half nelson, twisted it around, saying each letter of the alphabet on every turn, and then when I reached the first letter of my true love's name — that would be the lovely Elizabeth — I would yank your head clean off and roll it down the pike like a bowling ball!"

— Leonard Ghostal, Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Tuca: This isn't on you. This is on Pastry Pete. I'm gonna kill him! Wait, wait. First, I'm gonna wrap him in dough. I'm gonna stab that dough, just to let him feel the heat when I cook him. Then I'll eat him! With a lot of unnecessary condiments. Chefs hate that!
Bertie: Because nothing will ever be as good as ketchup.

—Tuca & Bertie, "The Jelly Lakes"

"I'll make you a deal: you end one more sentence with the word 'Man,' and I get to remove one bone, of my choosing, from your body."

— Max, The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police

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