Quotes / Cool Old Guy

After the read-through was over, LeVar came up to me and said, 'Cucumber soup.' I said, 'I beg your pardon?' And he said, 'Man, you are as cool as cucumber soup.'

— Patrick Stewart on meeting LeVar Burton, Star Trek: The Next Generation

On Tuesday night’s episode, Alex had to recite the chorus of RiRi’s “Umbrella” and he laid it down like this. Prepare to pull out some aloe vera, because you’ll need to smear some on your ear holes to soothe the heat that Alex will drop on them.

— Michael K., "Alex Trebek’s Extra Short And Extra Perfect Cover Of RiRi’s “Umbrella”"

Q: With this pen I could kill a man, then please his wife. And I would never connect an unscanned laptop to a secure government mainframe, unlike certain idiotic pretenders to my name.

— Luke McKinney and Matthew Moffitt, Cracked

In 2006, while staying in Scotland for a celebrity golf tournament, Bill got chatting to a university student at a pub. She invited him back to her's for a party, and he said yes. Word quickly spread that Bill “put a little love in your heart” Murray was circulating at a student house party, and though he was old enough to be everybody's father, he was ruling the room like he did in What About Bob? (“ Well, you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures.”), drinking vodka out of a coffee cup, before casually getting stuck in to a mountainous pile of washing up stagnating in the kitchen. Like Cinderella, eventually he departed into the night, leaving in his wake clean dishes, and a story for the ages for all those who attended, and those who'd say that they'd been there, even if they hadn't.

— Stuart Millard on Bill Murray, Smoke and Mirrors & Steven Seagal

MLP Fan: What was your reaction when you realize—
John de Lancie: Now let me ask you a question. Right off the bat. Do you always talk with a camera in front of your face?
MLP Fan: (caught out) Um, no...
John: Have you gotten to the point now that you...you archive and record...you record and archive everything that you say?
MLP Fan: Well, no....
John: (Laughs)
MLP Fan: Like a Borg!
John: I'm teasing you. So, go ahead. Carry on.
MLP Fan: Thank you. Thank you, sir. Um, when you...when you realize that you did your voice for a character for My Little Pony... (Realizes John is now holding a camera in front of his face) Oh, my goodness! This is going on YouTube, by the way!
John: This is going on my YouTube!
MLP Fan: I think I just got owned.

— A fan at a convention gets trolled by Discord himself.

Barry had one last visitor. My grandfather Pops, who's 80 years of pure awesome.

— Adam Goldberg on Albert "Pops" Solomon, The Goldbergs

Aang: So Toph says you give pretty good advice. And great tea.
Iroh: The key to both is proper aging! What's on your mind?

— Iroh in a nutshell, Avatar: The Last Airbender, "The Crossroads of Destiny"

At age 75, in 2017, he is still touring. And I'll tell you, I hope this is the man I am at that age. Hell, this is the man I wish I was at my current age! Fuck yeah, we should all age so well!

— Todd in the Shadows on Arthur Brown

Granddad Nawi, who did not go raiding because of his twisted leg, sometimes took the boys tracking and hunting, and he used to talk about the papervine bush. It grew everywhere, its long leaves as tough as anything even when they were crackling dry. "Take one strip of the vine lengthwise and yes, it needs the strength of two men. But weave five strands of it into a rope, and a hundred men can't break it. The more they pull, the more it binds together and stronger it becomes. That is the Nation."
They used to laugh at him behind his back because of his wobbling walk, and didn't pay much attention to him, because what could a man with a twisted leg know about anything so important? But they made sure that when they laughed, they were well behind his back, because Nawi always had a faint little smile and an expression that said he always knew far more about you than you could possibly guess.
Mau had tried not to laugh too much, because he had always like Nawi. The old man watched how birds flew and always knew the best places to fish. He knew the magic word which could keep sharks away.

—Nation

Kamala Khan: Wait—you're not going to tell me to be a good girl, focus on my studies, and do istaghfar (repentance) or something?
Sheikh Abdullah: If I told you that, you'd ignore me. I know how headstrong you are. So instead, I will tell you to do what you are doing with as much honor and skill as you can.
Kamala: I can't believe it. I thought you were going to warn me about Satan and boys.
Abdullah: I've been giving youth lectures at this mosque for ten years. If I still have to warn you about Satan and boys, I should lose my job.

— Ms. Marvel (2014) issue #6

I've had worse than this. I've been spiked by Squadron X, dipped in the smeltin' pool, framed for treason, shot into the sun — and I was the only 'bot still trapped inside the Nightmare Engine when everyone else woke up. I've seen off every rinky-dink, two-bit, catchpenny Decepticon rust-poker, and I got the dents in my knuckles to prove it. End of the day? I'm ready for anything you can throw at me.

— Kup, The Transformers: Dark Cybertron Chapter 9

"Like a fine wine, I guess I just get better with age!"

— Joseph Joestar, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders

"So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns, and he was a senior frigging citizen?"

—Paul Smecker on Il Duce, The Boondock Saints

Henry: "Did you see him straining?"
James: "Positively painful."
Gordon: "Just pathetic. He should give up and be preserved before it's too late."
Duck: "Shut up! You're all jealous. Edward's better than any of you."
BoCo: "You're right, Duck. Edward's old, but he'll surprise us all."

—"Edward's Exploit, Thomas & Friends

"You don't get older, you get better."

— Wild Knuckles, Minions: The Rise of Gru

"The only thing you know about an old man, young lady, is that he has survived much more and much worse than you."

— The Elder, Bullet Train

I'm not yo daddy, I'm yo grandpa!
I'm not yo daddy, I'm yo grandpa!
I'm not yo daddy, I'm yo grandpa!
I'm not yo daddy, I'm yo grandpa!

Replacement hip, when I do that dip
Take another sip when I kiss them lips
I drive real slow with my new RV
Over 65, it's the way to be!

— Biff Chitlins, "I'm Not Yo Daddy I'm Yo Grandpa", GEICO

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