The Boss: Death?
Death: Speaking.
The Boss: This is The Boss. Where are you? You haven't been up to the office in days!
Death: I've been held up.
The Boss: What happened?
Death: You know how when someone dies, they can challenge me to a game for their soul?
The Boss: Sure, standard procedure.
Death: Well, we didn't count on this guy. I might be a while.
Gary Gygax: I add the paladin to my party.
Death: Oh, Jesus. He's getting out another rulebook.
Death: Speaking.
The Boss: This is The Boss. Where are you? You haven't been up to the office in days!
Death: I've been held up.
The Boss: What happened?
Death: You know how when someone dies, they can challenge me to a game for their soul?
The Boss: Sure, standard procedure.
Death: Well, we didn't count on this guy. I might be a while.
Gary Gygax: I add the paladin to my party.
Death: Oh, Jesus. He's getting out another rulebook.
—xkcd #393: Ultimate Game
Everybody goes for the chess game, and Death has just perfected his chess game. But when it comes to Final Destination...
“And there’s always the chance that you, or Death, hasn’t seen the latest gambit.”
<<Young one, setting up a chessboard in front of Death is an opening gambit practically older than chess itself. As we idly discuss the prospect of playing chess against her, she hears us and whets her game like a knife.>>
<<Young one, setting up a chessboard in front of Death is an opening gambit practically older than chess itself. As we idly discuss the prospect of playing chess against her, she hears us and whets her game like a knife.>>
Death: Let's not waste any more time, my friend. Hear this, once and for all. We deceived you. Everything is fake here: the key, the bar, the neighborhood, the neighbors, Laura... They all work for me. Take everything apart! Only I am real.
Laura: All that happened, it was a lie.
Death: She's never existed, the woman you loved. / Your life has been spent, for an illusion, no more..
Laura: All that happened, it was a lie.
Death: She's never existed, the woman you loved. / Your life has been spent, for an illusion, no more..
—"The lover and Death", from Lo Que Me Costo El Amor De Laura.
SCP-1440: Should you choose to challenge Death to a game of cards for your life, there is one thing you must never do.
Dr. ████: And what is that?
SCP-1440: Win.
Dr. ████: And what is that?
SCP-1440: Win.
— SCP-1440 of the SCP Foundation
of the SCP FoundationIt is the nature of humanity and, in fact, all living things, to vie against Death. Those contests occur every day. And thus Death may very well accept such contests. It fits with the natural order of things. For Conquest, however, well, it is the nature of mankind to struggle against bondage. It is also the nature of man to ultimately yield to it. The forces that would control man are more tireless than the individual man.
—Conquest, Pact
Death: You must play me again.
Bill: WHAT?!
Death: Um, best two out of three.
Ted: No way!
Death: Yes, way...
(Later)
Ted: Can we go back now?
Death: Best three out of five!
Ted: I don't believe this guy!
(Even later)
Death: GRAAAHH!
Bill: *sigh* Best of seven?
Death: DAMN RIGHT!
Bill: WHAT?!
Death: Um, best two out of three.
Ted: No way!
Death: Yes, way...
(Later)
Ted: Can we go back now?
Death: Best three out of five!
Ted: I don't believe this guy!
(Even later)
Death: GRAAAHH!
Bill: *sigh* Best of seven?
Death: DAMN RIGHT!
Carmilla: I have something your Death Goddess wants. Me. My death. A life to gamble for a life.
Mattie: Don’t be a fool. Take your borrowed years and live. Don’t fling yourself into the long dark. The Queen of Blood and Ashes won’t go easy on you. You aren’t some innocent co-ed out to save the world. For three hundred years, you were Death. You know better than to think the world is like that.
Carmilla: No. No! This is not how her story ends! Screw that. Screw giving up! Screw just letting go! Pick any game you want. Tonight I’ll kill a god if I have to.
Mattie: Don’t be a fool. Take your borrowed years and live. Don’t fling yourself into the long dark. The Queen of Blood and Ashes won’t go easy on you. You aren’t some innocent co-ed out to save the world. For three hundred years, you were Death. You know better than to think the world is like that.
Carmilla: No. No! This is not how her story ends! Screw that. Screw giving up! Screw just letting go! Pick any game you want. Tonight I’ll kill a god if I have to.
—Carmilla the Series, Season 3, Episode 36
Gig: Death is my domain, and your screwing around with these poor stupid bastards has really been a thorn in my ass for millennia. I've had my eye on you for a long time, but I let it be, because I knew, sooner or later, you'd slip up and do something stupid. And look - here we are.
Phoenix: Here we are indeed, but I'm not sure you'll be able to seal the deal.
Gig: And what makes you think that?
Phoenix: Tradition. Don't they say you get one final challenge? One last game of chess against Death himself?
Gig: Hate to break it to ya, I don't play chess.
Phoenix: [whipping out her spear] Hate to break it to ya, neither do I.
Phoenix: Here we are indeed, but I'm not sure you'll be able to seal the deal.
Gig: And what makes you think that?
Phoenix: Tradition. Don't they say you get one final challenge? One last game of chess against Death himself?
Gig: Hate to break it to ya, I don't play chess.
Phoenix: [whipping out her spear] Hate to break it to ya, neither do I.
There's a common myth that when you die, you're allowed to challenge Death to a chess game for your soul. That's true, technically. Turns out chess isn't the only option. Any sport, game, or activity you can think of can be challenged, and he has to oblige. Perfect for a former boxing heavyweight champion such as myself.
