Quotes / Cheating with the Milkman

"Ah, the water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father."

— The Professor, Futurama

"Now, there's a price to be paid with havin' things convenient. Used to be... a man had to go to the store to buy himself a pitcher of milk. Hyeah, but men got lazy. They wanted that milk delivered right to the door. Only problem was, the guy deliverin' that milk ended up fuckin' your wife. Sure, you had your nice cold milk delivered right to your doorstep, but your wife was gettin' pounded out like a mallard duck. And now you got your Amazon... And the milkman's come back. And none of ya are safe."

— The Old Mechanic, South Park, "Insecurity"

I mud stay and watch the brat
'Cause Ma and Pa just had a spat
The ice man still brings ice, you see
But our icebox runs with 'tricity

—Bimbo, Minding the Baby

Chander's mom: Now Chandler dear, just because father and I are getting a divorce doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he'd rather sleep with the houseboy than with me.

Houseboy: More turkey, Mr Chandler?

—Friends

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage.
"You been screwing the milkman!" he says.
He was crazy, and he kept screaming, "You been screwing the milkman!"
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times.

—June, Chicago

Girl Scout: Mr. Bundy, wanna buy some chipmunk cookies?
Al Bundy: No, go away.
Girl Scout: You can't tell me you're not hungry. My daddy says you eat bugs and dirt!
Al Bundy: Well, you go home and tell your daddy you have the mailman's eyes.

—Married... with Children

Think of it this way, you're at a large door, knocking. Then the milkman comes and you're like "I didn't order any milk!" And then he FUCKS YOUR WIFE!!

—Arin Hanson, Game Grumps

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