Quotes / Casanova Wannabe

Comic Strips

Steve Dallas: Listen, I want you and crave you, Bobbi. Marry me.
Bobbi Harlow: You're kidding.
Steve: I'm young, hairy-chested and drive a Buick. So why not?
Bobbi: Because, Steve, you're gonna go through a score of mistresses, a dozen ulcers and an early emotional breakdown for being such a greedy, self-centered boob. Okay?
Steve: It's these *@#?! shorts, isn't it?

— Bloom County

Film — Animated

Ling: My manly ways and turn of phrase are sure to thrill her!
Yao: He thinks he's such a lady-killer... Ha!

— Mulan

Live-Action TV

"I know you think you're some kind of smooth-talking ladies man, but the truth is you're just pathetic and creepy."

— Penny to Howard, The Big Bang Theory

"Oh, whoops! I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!"

— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "The D.E.N.N.I.S. System"

"Mr. Paris, I assume you have a great deal of experience being rejected by women."

— EMH, Star Trek: Voyager, "Lifesigns"

Video Games

Kano: Wanna taste Australia's best blood sausage?
Skarlet: I would rather taste your blood, Kano.
Kano: Would you settle for me sausage?

— Mortal Kombat 11

Web Animation

"Tucker wants you to think he's a ladies' man. However, after careful painstaking analysis, we have determined he has very little game, being that his most frequent hookup is a rock."

— Wiz, DEATH BATTLE!

"I'm not one of your fried chicken tramps! I'm a woman. I like my men dangerous, mysterious! You want to be my lover? Earn it. SEDUCE ME!"

— The Spy, addressing the Scout^note we promise It Makes Sense in Context, Team Fortress 2: Expiration Date

Webcomics

Jane's Friend: Look at that guy. He just keeps going to women, asking the same pickup line.
Jane: I did this to him.
Jane: Long ago, he approached me with a line he'd pulled from the Internet.
Jane: My body told me to reject him, but my mind said... do him. Let him think this pickup line works.
Jane: Let him believe it is possible... let him die in love this night...
Jane: And let him arise as a ghost... walking the Earth, going from woman to woman...
Loser: Hey, baby...
Jane: Nightly repeating the same pattern... Growing ever more hungry and ever less sated.
Loser: I'm not a weatherman...
Jane: Dwell in the house of Death, ghost-man! All day is night for you, and all sweetness is ash!
Loser: (crying) But I predict you'll get a few inches tonight!

— Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, Pickup

Web Original

<Boogieman> and I saw a girl and was like "hey baby, you lookin' for a good time"
<Boogieman> and she said "yes"
<Boogieman> and I just sorta stared
<Boogieman> cause I don't usually get that far
<Boogieman> and I didn't have anything to say

— qdb.us #28309

"I'll tell you a little secret a lot of men don't realize. While looks matter, the real thing women want to see is a mix of passion, gentleness, and stability — along with a dash of sanitation. [...] Many men I've met are able to get dates pretty easily, despite being portly or bald. Why? Because it's clear to anyone and everyone who meets them that they are doing well in life. They are happy people who act like adults, and follow their dreams to the max. They're also reasonable with their standards. Most of the guys I meet who blame women for not dating them focus almost exclusively on getting girls. And they don't want any girl; they want the one with a Ford modeling contract. Sometimes, they might have one other hobby, but that's it. Girls see that, and they think, "Damn, what a sad life he must lead!" Do men want to go bang the "crazy cat lady" who has totally lost herself in finding a man? Absolutely not. So why are you blaming women for avoiding men with the same vibe?"

— Ossiana Tepfenhart tears this trope limb from limb, Medium.com, "Men Need To Stop Blaming Women For Rejecting Them"

Web Video

When he says: "How long you in town?"
He thinks his vibe is all Don Draper
But really it's more Hertz Rent-a-Car...

— Chris Fleming, Wildly Unlikeable Guy

Western Animation

Fruity: I'm not a one-woman man.
Matt: Yeah, ninety-nine percent of the time you're a no-woman man.

— Downtown

"My darling, I love you. Where have I been all your life?"

— Pepé Le Pew, "Odor-Able Kitty"

Miscellaneous

"You're the only man I know who can screw up his own wet dream."

— Bobby, Flashpoint (1984)

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