"The only permanent rule in Calvinball is that you can't play it the same way twice!"
— Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I'll invoke Poland's rule! It'll always be my turn!"
— Poland during a game of chess, Hetalia: Axis Powers
"That's Numberwang!"
— The host of Numberwang, frequently, at completely random intervals, That Mitchell and Webb Look
"Malachi shrugged. He didn't follow human sports. They were too dull and the rules never changed."
— Malachi's Narration summarizing The Fair Folk's sports in Chasing the Dragon
SpongeBob: Hike Patrick, hike!
[Drops rock, which breaks in two, as Patrick blows chess pieces forward on a board]
Spongebob: You just lost 3 points!
[Climbs up coral]
SpongeBob: 1, 2, 5!
[Stands on his head and blows a bubble in the shape of "G7"]
SpongeBob: G7!
Patrick: G7?! King me, king me!
[Runs and smashes into coral; SpongeBob's bubble kit lands in his hand]
Patrick: [triumphantly] I lose!
SpongeBob: But it's not Tuesday, Patrick!
Patrick: Tartar sauce!
Squidward: What are you two invertebrates doing?!
[Beat]
SpongeBob and Patrick: We don't know.
"Could someone please tell me what we are supposed to be doing? What's the point? This entire game is completely random! It jumps from one thing to another, I don't know how you are supposed to win, and Patrick seems to be making up the rules as he goes along!"
— Squidward on Patrick's game, SpongeBob SquarePants
Humph: Fingers on buzzers, teams. How many legs have donkeys?
Tim [buzzing]: Four!
Humph: Tim says four. Barry and Graeme?
Barry and Graeme: Higher, higher, no, I think it's lower. Lower.
Humph: You say lower? Well, the right answer is no legs have donkeys. So, you were right to go lower. And Tim gets ten points. Tim, question or nominate?
Tim: Nominate Graeme!
Humph: No, the correct answer is "nominate Barry". You lose ten points. Barry, what's the first letter of the word "aardvark": A, B, C or D?
Barry: Can I go 50-50, Humph?
Humph: Very well. Computer, take away one wrong answer and one right answer. Barry, you have two wrong answers left. Which do you go for?
— "The Quiz of Quizzes", I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
"Other kids' games are such a bore!
They gotta have rules and they gotta keep score!
Calvinball is better by far!
It's never the same! It's always bizarre!
You never need a team or a referee!
You know that it's great, 'cause it's named after me!"
They gotta have rules and they gotta keep score!
Calvinball is better by far!
It's never the same! It's always bizarre!
You never need a team or a referee!
You know that it's great, 'cause it's named after me!"
Twilight: What's Blernsball?
Arino: It's baseball, but they jazzed up a lot.
Twilight: Ah baseball. I love complicated games!
Maxwell: Oooh! I love it when they bend the rules! At least it's more fun than the Giant Ape Fights, that just sounds boring.
Arino: It's baseball, but they jazzed up a lot.
Twilight: Ah baseball. I love complicated games!
Maxwell: Oooh! I love it when they bend the rules! At least it's more fun than the Giant Ape Fights, that just sounds boring.
Jim: All right. So each player gets six cards, except the one on the player's right, who gets seven. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.
Sulu: Is today Tuesday?
Scotty: It's got to be Tuesday somewhere, Mr. Sulu.
Jim: Stipulated. Now, two jacks is a half-fizzbin, but you don't want three. Three is a shralk. You get those, you get disqualified.
Ael: You do?
Jim: Absolutely. Now look there: Sulu's got two jacks. That's good. Now he wants a king and a deuce.
McCoy: Except at night. In which case he wants a king and an ace.
tr'Keirianh: How is "night" determined? If playing aboard ship, does ship's time prevail? Or is it always determined to be night in space?
Jim: Only in leap year.
Sulu: When the moon is full.
K's't'lk: Now wait a minute. Whose moon?
Ael: And why should a year leap?
(reportedly goes on for two more hours)
Sulu: Is today Tuesday?
Scotty: It's got to be Tuesday somewhere, Mr. Sulu.
Jim: Stipulated. Now, two jacks is a half-fizzbin, but you don't want three. Three is a shralk. You get those, you get disqualified.
Ael: You do?
Jim: Absolutely. Now look there: Sulu's got two jacks. That's good. Now he wants a king and a deuce.
McCoy: Except at night. In which case he wants a king and an ace.
tr'Keirianh: How is "night" determined? If playing aboard ship, does ship's time prevail? Or is it always determined to be night in space?
Jim: Only in leap year.
Sulu: When the moon is full.
K's't'lk: Now wait a minute. Whose moon?
Ael: And why should a year leap?
(reportedly goes on for two more hours)
" No, Ozy, "House Rules Parcheesi" is absolutely nothing like "Calvinball." Now, you have seven blorms, and you have to move your roll of duct tape around the giant ceramic hippo."
— Isolde, Ozy and Millie
Once the gong is rung, the offensive team serves the pom-pom and advances down the field. The defending cyclists race past the tackling dummies and try to get into scoring position. If they manage to return the pom-pom into one of the scoring locations, they will be awarded a chance to chase the jumbo riding ball past the midfield skiing defender, while the other team tries to hit as many tennis balls as they can using golf clubs. I don't know why this guy has a canoe paddle.
— "Playing a Game of Sports" - Phineas and Ferb
Future Ted: [narrating] Now, I had been to a lot of casinos before that night, and I've been to a lot of casinos since, but in all that time I've never seen a game quite like this one. To this day, I have no idea how it was played. But luckily, Barney did.
Lily: Do you understand what's happening?
Ted: Not a clue.
Robin: Do you think he's winning?
Ted: I don't even know if he's playing.
Marshall: Wait, I get it, I understand this game.
Ted: ...no you don't.
Marshall: I totally understand the game, Theodore! Barney, split your tiles. You can triple your money if you find the jellybean.
Barney: Marshal, please. Don't you think I know what I'm— [glances over the board] My God, you're right!
Lily: Do you understand what's happening?
Ted: Not a clue.
Robin: Do you think he's winning?
Ted: I don't even know if he's playing.
Marshall: Wait, I get it, I understand this game.
Ted: ...no you don't.
Marshall: I totally understand the game, Theodore! Barney, split your tiles. You can triple your money if you find the jellybean.
Barney: Marshal, please. Don't you think I know what I'm— [glances over the board] My God, you're right!
— How I Met Your Mother season 2 episode 8 "Atlantic City," regarding a game of "Shing Hasabu Shing"
Steelbeak: [laying down two circle cards] Go fish.
Launchpad: [laying down two hearts] Old maid.
Steelbeak: Uhh... [plays a double diamond card] Crazy eights.
[Suspense Beat]
Launchpad: [laying down entire hand] Checkmate.
Steelbeak: [throws his cards in frustration] Well played.
Dewey: It was?!
Launchpad: [laying down two hearts] Old maid.
Steelbeak: Uhh... [plays a double diamond card] Crazy eights.
[Suspense Beat]
Launchpad: [laying down entire hand] Checkmate.
Steelbeak: [throws his cards in frustration] Well played.
Dewey: It was?!
— DuckTales (2017), Steelbeak and Launchpad are playing Baccarat.
...it was [H. G. Wells and I] who invented the well-known and widespread national game of Gype. All sorts of variations and complications were invented in connection with Gype. There was Land Gype and Water Gype. I myself cut out and coloured pieces of cardboard of mysterious and significant shapes, the instruments of Table Gype; a game for the little ones. It was even duly settled what disease threatened the over-assiduous player; he tended to suffer from Gype's Ear. My friends and I introduced allusions to the fashionable sport in our articles; Bentley successfully passed one through the Daily News and I through some other paper. Everything was in order and going forward; except the game itself, which has not yet been invented.
— G. K. Chesterton describes a "standing joke" in his social circle, Autobiography
Baljeet: If I miss the third shuttlecock with my rubber chicken, does Buford have to jump over the chokecherry bush before or after the girls finish peeling their tangerines?
Buford, Candace, and Isabella: After!
Buford, Candace, and Isabella: After!
— Phineas and Ferb, "Got Game?"
Man, I've been watching this game for about an hour and I still don't get it. Go team!
— Man, referring to "Critterball", Big City Greens, "Critterball Crisis"
Angel Dust: Go fish.
Sir Pentious: No wait, I have the Uno card, that makes me immune!
Angel Dust: That's only in the first round, dummy!
Sir Pentious: Not if your birthday is in April!
Husk: This game is an abomination.
Sir Pentious: No wait, I have the Uno card, that makes me immune!
Angel Dust: That's only in the first round, dummy!
Sir Pentious: Not if your birthday is in April!
Husk: This game is an abomination.
— Hazbin Hotel fan comic
by greykolla-art
by greykolla-art