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Frieza: So, I take that to mean that Vegeta is dead?
Zarbon: Well... circumstances ruled out my finding a corpse, but even if by some chance he's still alive, I assure Your Lordship his injuries are grave.
Frieza: ...You mean to tell me you procured no confirmation of his death?
Zarbon: He-He was totally submerged underwater! The current carried him away, so I-!
Frieza: Ah, well I guess we wouldn't want you getting wet. Perhaps you might have retrieved him if you weren't so concerned about getting your stupid hair tussled! For that matter, what gave you the right to deal with him without my consent in the first place? Had it not occurred to you that Vegeta may very well have found a Dragon Ball on his own and, I don't know, HIDDEN IT?!
Zarbon: Well... circumstances ruled out my finding a corpse, but even if by some chance he's still alive, I assure Your Lordship his injuries are grave.
Frieza: ...You mean to tell me you procured no confirmation of his death?
Zarbon: He-He was totally submerged underwater! The current carried him away, so I-!
Frieza: Ah, well I guess we wouldn't want you getting wet. Perhaps you might have retrieved him if you weren't so concerned about getting your stupid hair tussled! For that matter, what gave you the right to deal with him without my consent in the first place? Had it not occurred to you that Vegeta may very well have found a Dragon Ball on his own and, I don't know, HIDDEN IT?!
Comic Books
"I could carpet-bomb him any day! That's not enough—that's not the point! I have to beat him! I have to prove I'm superior! There's a right and a wrong way to vanquish your life-long nemesis and you did it very, very wrong!"
— Doctor Eggman to Doctor Starline after the latter seemingly kills Sonic in an explosion, Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW)
Fan Works
"Bill." Tom's voice comes out calm. "You know what, why don't you and Hailey go ahead and take the cube to Mr. Visser." He tosses it underhand to Hailey, belying how hard he'd just fought to keep it. "I'll stay here and handle this one myself." The yeerk gestures to something under his coat — almost certainly a dracon beam — as he says it, leaving little doubt as to his meaning.
Neither of the controllers argue, shoving through the emergency exit. Jake scrambles upright to chase after them, but Tom blocks his way.
"So." Tom's voice has gone silky-smooth. "Isn't that interesting."
Neither of the controllers argue, shoving through the emergency exit. Jake scrambles upright to chase after them, but Tom blocks his way.
"So." Tom's voice has gone silky-smooth. "Isn't that interesting."
— "What if Tom's yeerk got the morphing cube from David first?", All Assorted Animorphs AUs
Film — Animated
Lucius: ...So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover, and what does Baron von Ruthless do?
Bob: [snickering] He starts monologuing?
Lucius: He starts monologuing!
Bob: Yep! [laughs]
Lucius: He starts, like, this prepared speech about how "feeble" I am compared to him, how "inevitable" my defeat is, how "the world WILL SOON BE HIS!", yadda yadda yadda...
Bob: Yammering.
Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won't shut up!
Bob: [snickering] He starts monologuing?
Lucius: He starts monologuing!
Bob: Yep! [laughs]
Lucius: He starts, like, this prepared speech about how "feeble" I am compared to him, how "inevitable" my defeat is, how "the world WILL SOON BE HIS!", yadda yadda yadda...
Bob: Yammering.
Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won't shut up!
Film — Live-Action
Dr. Evil: All right, guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism! [mechanism starts] Close the tank!
Scott: Wait, aren't you even gonna watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. Why?
Scott: I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out! We can do it together, it'll be fun!
Dr. Evil: Scott... You just don't get it, do you? You don't.
Scott: Wait, aren't you even gonna watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. Why?
Scott: I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out! We can do it together, it'll be fun!
Dr. Evil: Scott... You just don't get it, do you? You don't.
— Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Mr. Bond, you persist in defying my efforts to provide an amusing death for you."
— Hugo Drax, the villain from Moonraker
"What do they teach at that school, ballet dancing?"
— Francisco Scaramanga, The Man with the Golden Gun, to Hai Fat after Bond escapes from Hai Fat's dojo.
"When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."
— Tuco, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Valentine: You know what this is like? It's like those old movies we both love. Now, I'm going to tell you my whole plan, and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you, and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape.
Harry Hart: Sounds good to me.
Valentine: Well, this ain't that kind of movie. [shoots Harry right in the head]
Harry Hart: Sounds good to me.
Valentine: Well, this ain't that kind of movie. [shoots Harry right in the head]
Literature
"Now untie him, Wormtail, and give him back his wand."
— Lord Voldemort on Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Ty: Classic Bond villain mistake.
Blake: I know.
Ty: Leaving the enemy in the deathtrap, ignoring him? A henchman of questionable loyalties watching over things?
Blake: I know.
Ty: Don't tell me you did the monologue, explaining things.
Blake: I did, kind of.
Ty: Damn it, Blake.
Blake: I know.
Ty: Leaving the enemy in the deathtrap, ignoring him? A henchman of questionable loyalties watching over things?
Blake: I know.
Ty: Don't tell me you did the monologue, explaining things.
Blake: I did, kind of.
Ty: Damn it, Blake.
— Pact
"The easiest and perhaps the most sensible thing would be to shoot you now. In half an hour you could be at the bottom of the ocean, and neither Mrs. Jones nor Mr. Ethan Brooke would ever know what had happened to you. But I'm not going to do that."
— Major Winston Yu, Alex Rider
When you enjoy something, you must never let logic get in the way too much. Like the villains in all the James Bond movies. 'Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work.'
— Jerry Seinfeld, Sein Language
Live-Action TV
Turanj: I've become impatient. We penetrated this vessel, overcame their defenses, and in the moment of the kill, you forced us to stop. Now we play these incessant games. It's time we took our trophies and moved on.
Karr: Your lust for the kill has blinded you, like many young hunters. If you took the time to study your prey, to understand its behavior, you might learn something.
Turanj: There is nothing to be learned!
Karr: Your lust for the kill has blinded you, like many young hunters. If you took the time to study your prey, to understand its behavior, you might learn something.
Turanj: There is nothing to be learned!
"You're not a Bond villain, Daniel. You're a fraud. And frauds don't get to speak like Bond villains. They do get to die like them."
— Tony, NCIS
Video Games
"I've watched dozens of tutorials on how to escape this kind of situation, tied to a chair. However, none of them were necessary... Because Frankie is stupid as fuck, and he didn't remove my gloves, their bracelets made it easy."
— Arris Fern, Vindictive Drive
"That's one thing I like about the bad guys. There's always a lot of discussion before they get around to pulling the trigger."
— Ulman, Metro 2033
"Are we actually giving them a moment, sir?"
— Korisca, Hi-Fi RUSH
"GUYBRUSH! I SHOULD'VE KILLED YOU THE 58 TIMES I HAD THE CHANCE!"
—LeChuck, Return to Monkey Island
Web Original
Pleasence is, in many respects, the most cliché Bond bad guy ever. He has the most lovely (and extravagant) lair that Ken Adams ever designed. He has a pool of piranha in his hidden volcano lair. He has the technology to kidnap space ships… and couldn’t be bothered making a legitimate fortune off it. He has Bond at his mercy repeatedly, and… shoots other random characters instead [...] he literally looks like a baby, a petulant child that Bond needs to sort out. Kingsley Amis argued that the best of Fleming’s villains were dark father figures, but I think the films also supported the idea that they were malicious overgrown children.
— Darren Mooney
, "He’s an expert in the Feld of not killing Bond"
, "He’s an expert in the Feld of not killing Bond"Anyhoo, as one of the Minions poses with Gadget for a picture, he puts some sort of homing beacon on Gadget's hat. This makes it so that Claw can control Gadget's every move; Claw forces Gadget to do things like throw his Coke and fries everywhere. Instead of, say, forcing Gadget to say "Go-Go Gadget Handgun" and shoot himself in the face, thus ridding himself of Gadget and ridding me of this shit-ass movie. Nope, Claw forces Gadget to squirt mustard everywhere and... break dance?
— Matt Briner in his review of Inspector Gadget 2
of Inspector Gadget 2Jafar chortles with glee as he orders Aladdin's death for the second time, and this go-round it HAS to stick because everybody is chained up. He's so happy about it, he changes into Jasmine again the morning of the execution to reveal his true identity to Aladdin RIGHT before he loses his head, won't that be poetic? In doing this, he leaves the room, and ten thousand defeated villains screamed in agony from Hades, "ARE WE ALL DOOMED TO REPEAT THAT MISTAKE FOREVER??"
Web Videos
(If you missed that one: the Hirogen captured Voyager, but instead of killing them all, the Alpha had their brains taken over by a computer and then put into holodeck scenarios for endless games to repeat the hunt, but not actually kill them. It's the Hirogen version of edging.)
Zelda villains have always been pretty stupid in letting Link get away with half the stuff he does, but here Ghirahim wins the title of 'Most idiotic Zelda Villain' when he says, "I should have got ya last time, and I'd love to get ya this time—but I'll get you next time-♪!" Then he just vanishes, I guess he had a hair appointment or somethin'.
"Why wouldn't he just kill him? (Beat) Ooooh, right: it's a Bond movie!"
—The Smeghead about Die Another Day
Dark Man 1: Dr. Wily, my master. Why did you create me with tank treads for legs? Surely, if I could have a pair of legs like Quick Man did, I would be able to use—
Dr. Wily: Tut, tut, tut, Dark Man #1! You think I don't know you would be more effective with better legs? When Mega Man sees that Dark Man 2 is stronger than you, and Dark Man 3 is stronger than 2, and 4 is stronger than 3, Mega Man will tremble with fear knowing that I have been improving my craft!
Dark Man 1: But… wouldn't he just know that by sending your most powerful creations at him first? Don't we stand a better chance at winning if we don't give him a chance to improve against us?
Dr. Wily: My genius is beyond your comprehension, Dark Man #1. It's about sending a message. Not practicality! Now get out there, and be destroyed easily so that Mega Man feels intimidated by the gentle increase in difficulty of your brethren!
Dark Man 1: (defeatedly) Okay…
Dr. Wily: Tut, tut, tut, Dark Man #1! You think I don't know you would be more effective with better legs? When Mega Man sees that Dark Man 2 is stronger than you, and Dark Man 3 is stronger than 2, and 4 is stronger than 3, Mega Man will tremble with fear knowing that I have been improving my craft!
Dark Man 1: But… wouldn't he just know that by sending your most powerful creations at him first? Don't we stand a better chance at winning if we don't give him a chance to improve against us?
Dr. Wily: My genius is beyond your comprehension, Dark Man #1. It's about sending a message. Not practicality! Now get out there, and be destroyed easily so that Mega Man feels intimidated by the gentle increase in difficulty of your brethren!
Dark Man 1: (defeatedly) Okay…
— "Debunker Buster" by Reploid REVO (in a mocking response to a claim made in a past episode of Game Theory)
by Reploid REVO (in a mocking response to a claim made in a past episode of Game Theory)Anna: You won't get away with this!
Hans: Oh... I already have.
Schaf: No, you haven't, you have to kill her first! Because of you, Olaf actually has plot relevance, and that makes me mad!
Hans: Oh... I already have.
Schaf: No, you haven't, you have to kill her first! Because of you, Olaf actually has plot relevance, and that makes me mad!
— Schaffrillas's review of Frozen (2013)
Dimitri Zhukov: (to Jack Corbyn) Unfortunately, this is, uh, "game over"? You lose. You're all out of continues. But thank you so much for playing! Unfortunately, I am a very busy man.
Goon: Uh… sir?
Zhukov: What?
Goon: Y-you're just gonna leave?
Zhukov: Yes. I have things to do.
Goon: No offense, sir, but… isn't that a little… weird?
Zhukov: How is weird? I have entire organization to run!
Goon: (raising his voice) Yeah, an organization that he nearly took out in, like, a week! There used to be, like, twenty guys here, now there's two of 'em 'cause he killed the rest of them… he— he fucked your wife—!
Zhukov: Do not speak of my zhena!
Corbyn: Yeah, be nice to 'er. She's married to a total asshole.
Goon: All right, sorry! Sorry. I just… after everything you listed, it really seems like you'd wanna kill the guy yourself.
Zhukov: Why? That's what I have you for!
Goon: Yeah, okay, sure! But, like… you don't even wanna see me do it?
Zhukov: Are you saying I need to fucking supervise you!?
Goon: I'm saying that it's strange that you wanna leave before it's over. I mean, you're the one who wants him dead the most.
Other goon: Uh… I think I want him dead the most? He killed my boyfriend?
Zhukov: You're gay?
Goon: Also, for the record, I'm pretty sure that the moment you leave us alone with him, he's gonna do something crazy, he's break his wrist to get out of the ropes, some— something insane, and then he's gonna kill us, and then he's gonna get on the loose, and you aren't gonna know 'cause your last two guys are dead, good for you, and then— I-I mean, am I right?
Corbyn: I think you're good to go.
Goon: See!? See, he wants you to leave so that he can kill us.
Zhukov: This is ridiculous! I have so many things to attend to!
Goon: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN WATCHING THIS GUY DIE!?
Goon: Uh… sir?
Zhukov: What?
Goon: Y-you're just gonna leave?
Zhukov: Yes. I have things to do.
Goon: No offense, sir, but… isn't that a little… weird?
Zhukov: How is weird? I have entire organization to run!
Goon: (raising his voice) Yeah, an organization that he nearly took out in, like, a week! There used to be, like, twenty guys here, now there's two of 'em 'cause he killed the rest of them… he— he fucked your wife—!
Zhukov: Do not speak of my zhena!
Corbyn: Yeah, be nice to 'er. She's married to a total asshole.
Goon: All right, sorry! Sorry. I just… after everything you listed, it really seems like you'd wanna kill the guy yourself.
Zhukov: Why? That's what I have you for!
Goon: Yeah, okay, sure! But, like… you don't even wanna see me do it?
Zhukov: Are you saying I need to fucking supervise you!?
Goon: I'm saying that it's strange that you wanna leave before it's over. I mean, you're the one who wants him dead the most.
Other goon: Uh… I think I want him dead the most? He killed my boyfriend?
Zhukov: You're gay?
Goon: Also, for the record, I'm pretty sure that the moment you leave us alone with him, he's gonna do something crazy, he's break his wrist to get out of the ropes, some— something insane, and then he's gonna kill us, and then he's gonna get on the loose, and you aren't gonna know 'cause your last two guys are dead, good for you, and then— I-I mean, am I right?
Corbyn: I think you're good to go.
Goon: See!? See, he wants you to leave so that he can kill us.
Zhukov: This is ridiculous! I have so many things to attend to!
Goon: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN WATCHING THIS GUY DIE!?
Western Animation
"Do you ever notice how bad guys always leave at these critical moments? Oh well."
— Dr. Gene Splicer, just before leaving, Tiny Toon Adventures, "Hare Raising Night"
Senor Senior Sr: A proper villain always leaves his foe when he's about to expire.
Senor Senior Jr: Why?
Senor Senior Sr: Well, it would be bad form just to lull about, waiting for it.
Senor Senior Jr: Why?
Senor Senior Sr: Tradition!
Senor Senior Jr: Why?
Senor Senior Sr: Well, it would be bad form just to lull about, waiting for it.
Senor Senior Jr: Why?
Senor Senior Sr: Tradition!
"Next time, V.K. should wait until they fall into the vat before leaving. Oh well, V.K. must live and learn."
— Keith "V.K." Van Kobbler, Grossology
