"Tonight...you."
— Hand Banana, Aqua Teen Hunger Force
"Sometime my sister, she show her vagine to my brother Bilo and say 'You will never get this! You will never get this! Lalalalala!' But one time, he break cage and he GET this, and we all laugh, high five!"
— Borat, Borat
"You know what happens to little girls who wear shorts that short? A white van picks 'em up and they get all their holes resized. Not you, Melissa, you're never getting molested!"
"I was nineteen years old when the musical Cats came to our town... I couldn't wait to see it. After the show I was asked if I wanted to go meet some of the performers backstage. Man, I was thrilled. But when I got back there, they were drunk and out of control. Rumpus Cat and Macavity kept feeling up my leg. I tried to leave, but Rumpleteazer held me down, and... I was raped by Mr. Mistoffelees."
— The hidden shame of Chris in Team America: World Police
Predator: So can I go now?
Carlos Mencia (as Ashton Kutcher): No you cannot, because you came here for sex, and you're gonna get it, dude!
Predator: Huh?
Carlos Mencia: Yea! You came in through the back door, and guess what — somebody's gonna be coming in your back door!
Carlos Mencia (as Ashton Kutcher): No you cannot, because you came here for sex, and you're gonna get it, dude!
Predator: Huh?
Carlos Mencia: Yea! You came in through the back door, and guess what — somebody's gonna be coming in your back door!
— Mind of Mencia: Dateline Punk'D
Ursula: (disguising her voice) FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER!
Foster: Oh God, please don't shoot me. I'm naked.
Ursula: Drop your coat and grab your toes. I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes.
Foster: Uh, this isn't happening. I'm a police officer! Ursula, help!
Foster: Oh God, please don't shoot me. I'm naked.
Ursula: Drop your coat and grab your toes. I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes.
Foster: Uh, this isn't happening. I'm a police officer! Ursula, help!
Dean Richmond: I'll tell you what does bother me: on the way over here, a cute little boy pointed at me and said "Oh look mommy, there goes the hamster's BITCH!"
Sherman Klump: Uh Dean, for whatever it's worth, Petey is back to normal and feeling just fine.
Dean Richmond: Oh yea? DO YOU THINK HE'LL CALL?!
Sherman Klump: Uh Dean, for whatever it's worth, Petey is back to normal and feeling just fine.
Dean Richmond: Oh yea? DO YOU THINK HE'LL CALL?!
I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary!
— Uncle Monty, Withnail and I
"Now I'd like to say that something funny happened after that, but, uh, no. He was actually a really good guy! I told him I wasn't gay and he apologized, we went out, and he bought me a drink. [Beat] Um, but for the sake of comedy, he raped me. 'Cause that makes the joke more fun."
— Jim Jefferies, I Swear to God
They said I couldn't rape them... I proved them wrong
—Skooks, The Misadventures of Skooks
Spongebob: Squidward's father... raped him!
Mr. Krabs: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Squidward can kill himself during his break.
"Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, I hope it was good for you honey. Oh, I must remember to send flowers."
—Jack Frost, a living snowman, after raping a girl to death, Jack Frost (1997)
Gail Hailstorm: So how close were you to the victim?
Shorty Meeks: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left.
Shorty Meeks: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left.
"You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You just gotta say, 'Daddy, are you sure this is right?'"
—Tank Girl, Tank Girl
"So something, um... not that chill happened last night.'"
Once you go taco, you NEVER go back-o!!
— Teresa Del Taco to Brenda Bunton, Sausage Party
Digger: Are there more deer-people like you out there, or do you just happen to be a human with a deer's head?
Herne: If you must know, a deer raped my grandmother, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful topic.
Murai: My deepest sympathy, honored Herne, for the suffering your grandmother must have—
Herne: It's a joke, kid.
Murai: Oh.
Herne: If you must know, a deer raped my grandmother, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful topic.
Murai: My deepest sympathy, honored Herne, for the suffering your grandmother must have—
Herne: It's a joke, kid.
Murai: Oh.
Detective Benson: So he was drugged from behind?
Doctor: And violated. I found several unusual objects inserted into his rectum.
Benson: As opposed to the usual ones?
Doctor: Well, you'd be surprised what people say they slipped and fell on, soda bottles, flashlights, assorted fruits and vegetables - but never this. Three dice and a little timer.
Benson: From a board game? So our perp's a sore loser.
— Law & Order: SVU Season 12, Episode 6 "Branded".
