Quotes / Beethoven Was an Alien Spy

Christ was no prophet, no son of any sane or benevolent god; no, he was an emissary, an ambassador, a slave to an alien race from beyond the cosmic wall that separates our world from the uncaring darkness of outer space.

The truth behind Jesus Christ in 1917 - The Alien Invasion DX

The Palindrome: Nobody has a phased polaron cannon.
The Middleman: I do.
The Palindrome: But that's impossible, Niels Bohr died while building it...
The Middleman/The Palindrome: ... in 1962.
The Middleman: Ah, Bohr. He's anything but. You should see the Christmas card he sent me last year. What a gas.

The Middleman, "The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome"

Yes, I found a plausible explanation for televangelist-mode god bothering. It involves Cthulhu.

— Charles Stross, here

I set up a sandstone marker, and since I knew Dvorak came from Catholic people, I scratched into the stone the sign of the cross. Jesus, from the Milky Way. Another glim. Hard to kill.

— A Dry Quiet War by Tony Daniel

Tabitha: The money... where does it come from?

Agent Gran: Legacy of JFK and Reagan. JFK because he was, like, really oddly obsessed with this idea of boning alien chicks. All sorts of weird memos about space condoms. I shit you not. And Reagan because... well honestly, man, I don't think anyone should have let Nixon try to download his personality into the poor actor in the first place. That shit was bound to degrade eventually. And the whole interfacing issues... nightmare, man, total nightmare.

—Anti-Hero, by Jonathan Wood

Elle: Hey, Jay! Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game.
Jay: All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.

—Men in Black

Although we don't deport them all. For instance, Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran is here on a legitimate interstellar work visa. Who knew? And I managed to convince the U.N. to grant Iggy Pop political asylum. Apparently, his allergy to shirts is a death penalty offense on his home planet. And Madonna–ugh, don't even get me started. Her species lives forever. And now that she's gotten her tentacles into the music business–

Shit, I probably shouldn't have mentioned the tentacles.

—"Star Dancer" by Jennifer Pelland

Aziraphale: You remember Jane Austen?
Crowley: Yeah. I'm not gonna forget her in a hurry, am I? The brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. Brandy smuggler. Master spy. What a piece of work.
Aziraphale:...She wrote books. Novels.
Crowley: Jane? Austen? Yes! Whoa, bit of a dark horse. Novels, eh?

— Good Omens (2019)

Cryptosporidium: You're not suggesting-
Premier Milenkov: Suggesting? I'm telling you. Lenin, Stalin...
Crypto: Trotsky?
Milenkov: Please, don't be ridiculous.

—Destroy All Humans! 2