Santa: Meatwad, why did you wake me up in the middle of July?
Meatwad: I want me some presents. I've been a good boy for the first quarter and most of the second quarter of this year.
Santa: It's the middle of f***ing July! I was sleeping! Those faggoty elves don't even come in until September. [...] You know that remote control racecar he's been wanting? Oh, he's gonna get it... FAR... UP HIS ASS!
Meatwad: I want me some presents. I've been a good boy for the first quarter and most of the second quarter of this year.
Santa: It's the middle of f***ing July! I was sleeping! Those faggoty elves don't even come in until September. [...] You know that remote control racecar he's been wanting? Oh, he's gonna get it... FAR... UP HIS ASS!
Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass
He's gonna kick your ass, he's gonna kick your ass
Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass
Cause he's sick of shoveling snow and reindeer poo.
He's gonna kick your ass, he's gonna kick your ass
Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass
Cause he's sick of shoveling snow and reindeer poo.
— The Arrogant Worms, "Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass"
Calvin: Do you think there's an evil Santa?
Hobbes: An evil Santa??
Calvin: Yeah, like Santa's deranged twin brother, or something! He'd make toys for all the bad girls and boys! Evil Santa would give all the dangerous, annoying, and corrupting toys your parents won't allow!
Hobbes: And if you're good?
Calvin: He punishes you with shirts and underwear.
Hobbes: An evil Santa??
Calvin: Yeah, like Santa's deranged twin brother, or something! He'd make toys for all the bad girls and boys! Evil Santa would give all the dangerous, annoying, and corrupting toys your parents won't allow!
Hobbes: And if you're good?
Calvin: He punishes you with shirts and underwear.
Santa's gonna sit on your lap!
— Sumo Santa, Clayfighter 63⅓
Frosty: Your sleigh used to be powered by the screams of children?
Santa: Used to be?
Santa: Used to be?
Minion: Y'know, you look like one of the kids I let sit on my lap once. 'Course, he was a cancer patient. Asked me if I could get rid of his cancer.
Krillin: Oh god, this is going exactly where I think it is, isn't it-
Minion: So I blew him up! No more cancer.
Krillin: God, you are one of the worst mall Santas ever! Right behind those ones that molest kids!
(Beat)
Minion: ...So I'm the worst mall Santa?
Krillin: Oh, come on!
Krillin: Oh god, this is going exactly where I think it is, isn't it-
Minion: So I blew him up! No more cancer.
Krillin: God, you are one of the worst mall Santas ever! Right behind those ones that molest kids!
(Beat)
Minion: ...So I'm the worst mall Santa?
Krillin: Oh, come on!
— Dragon Ball Z Abridged: Christmas Tree of Might
Santa: You better watch out...
Vegeta: Ummm...
Santa: You better not cry...
Goku: (thinking) Oh, this is my jam!
Santa: You better not pout...but you're gonna die!
Goku: (thinking) I don't like this version...
Santa: ♫Santa Claus is taking you down.''♫
Vegeta: Ummm...
Santa: You better not cry...
Goku: (thinking) Oh, this is my jam!
Santa: You better not pout...but you're gonna die!
Goku: (thinking) I don't like this version...
Santa: ♫Santa Claus is taking you down.''♫
— Dragon Ball Z Abridged: Plan to Eradicate Christmas
Amy: He knows when you are sleeping.
Prof. Farnsworth: He knows when you're on the can.
Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan!
Zoidberg: Ohhh!
Hermes: You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move.
Bender: You're better off dead, I'm tellin' you dude.
Fry: SANTA CLAUS IS GUNNING YOU DOWN!
Prof. Farnsworth: He knows when you're on the can.
Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan!
Zoidberg: Ohhh!
Hermes: You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move.
Bender: You're better off dead, I'm tellin' you dude.
Fry: SANTA CLAUS IS GUNNING YOU DOWN!
— Futurama, "Xmas Story"
Hey mums and dads, just smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes
And don't listen to him, boys and girls, 'cause he tells fucking lies!
He's just a pisstank and a pervert and he's not even very bright
'Cause the old fuckin' wanker forgot me fuckin' bike!
And don't listen to him, boys and girls, 'cause he tells fucking lies!
He's just a pisstank and a pervert and he's not even very bright
'Cause the old fuckin' wanker forgot me fuckin' bike!
— Kevin Bloody Wilson, "Hey Santa Claus You Cunt"
Bow down
Bow down
Before the power of Santa
Or be crushed
Be crushed
By...
...His jolly boots of doom!
— Invader Zim, "The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever"
Ho, ho, ho! Stick 'em up!
— Boris Badenov telling of his plan to rob houses on Christmas Eve disguised as Santa Claus, Rocky and Bullwinkle, "Topsy Turvy World"
Santy Claus only brings presents to them that's been good all year. All the other ones, all the naughty ones, he punishes! What about you, boy? You been good all year?
— Grandpa Chapman, Silent Night, Deadly Night
"Can you believe this? It's Christmas Eve and we got orders to bring in Santa Claus."
—Officer Miller, Silent Night, Deadly Night
There's a song about him. It begins: "You'd Better Watch Out..."
The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts.
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts.
— "Weird Al" Yankovic, "The Night Santa Went Crazy"
I WILL TAKE ALL YOU CAN GIVE. I WILL TAKE ALL YOU HAVE. I WILL TAKE MORE.
"Where are you going? Get back here! I still have presents for you. Oh yeah, lead for everyone!"
—Robbaz, Hitman Christmas - Murd3r Claus
I am Santa Claws! I'm a rebel with a cause!
I will punish and I'll give you a fright!
Have a horrible Christmas night!
I will punish and I'll give you a fright!
Have a horrible Christmas night!
"I sure hope all you kids have been good this year, because Santa's just got his new magnum, and he's not givin' out coal this year."
— Mr. Gibbs, "Santa Claus Hide and Seek"
"Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile!"
— Robot Santa, Futurama
