Quotes / Armoured Closet Gay

Comic Books

"Dynamic Man said you couldn't throw a rock without hitting somebody in a mask and tights. 'And those are just the pansies in the German army,' he said, then added — 'They'd probably run even faster if they weren't wearing those stiletto heels.' Curt was always saying things like that. He made a point of saying them. Which made some of us wonder if maybe it was D.M. who had something besides his costume hidden deep in his closet."

— The Phantom Reporter, The Twelve

Films — Live-Action

Begbie: Look, I'm not a fuckin' bufty, and that's the end of it.
Renton: Let's face it, it^note Sleeping with a woman that actually turned out to be a man could have been wonderful.
<Begbie pins Renton to the wall and jams a knife into the wall between his legs>
Begbie: Now listen to me you piece of junkie shit, a joke's a joke, but mention that again and I'll cut you up!

— Trainspotting

Champ: You fellas remember that limp-wristed fairy that was supposed to do the financial reports?
Brian: Oh, yeah. We were 51% sure he was gay.
Champ: No, he was gay alright. I made out with him at the Christmas party.

— Wake Up, Ron Burgundy

Literature

Bob only had one cat, but it was a very pretty cat (tabby, with a white bib) and he uploaded a new picture of his cat every single day. Other than being a cat owner, he was a pastor at a large church in Missouri that had a Wednesday night prayer meeting and an annual Purity Ball. He was married to a woman who posted three inspirational Bible verses every day to her social networking sites and used her laptop to look for Christian articles on why your husband doesn’t like sex while he looked at gay porn. Bob definitely needed my help. [...] He was causing harm to himself every time he delivered a sermon railing about "sodomite marriage." Because he was gay.

— Cat Pictures Please

Homosexuality prompted much debate between those who believed it was innate and genetic, and those who believed it was an impulse that — due to religion or upbringing — they were not allowed to act on.

— Jon Stewart, Earth (The Book)

I've known men who run down homosexuality because they are uncomfortable with it, perhaps harbor inclinations in that area; and I've known men who run down homosexuality and mean it.

— The Secret History

Live-Action Television

Let me tell you a little story. It's about you. You are what we call a "late in life"-gay. You are going to stay in the closet, get married, get drunk to have relations with your wife, have a couple of kids — maybe become a state senator or a deacon, and then get caught in the men's room, tapping your foot with some page.

— Santana, who knows a little something about this trope herself, Glee

Cheryl Blossom: Feel free to tremble.
Toni Topaz: I have a better idea. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you. Because clearly, you're in a lot of pain.
Cheryl Blossom: Get your sapphic Serpent hands off my body! (walks away)
Toni Topaz: (smiles)

— Riverdale

Music

You can kiss a hundred boys in bars
Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling
You can say it's just the way you are
Make a new excuse, another stupid reason
Good luck, babe (Well, good luck)
Well, good luck, babe (Well, good luck)
You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling

—"Good Luck babe!", Chappell Roan

Theatre

Roy: Roy Cohn is not a homosexual. Roy Cohn is a heterosexual man who fucks around with guys.
Henry: Okay, Roy.
Roy: And what are my diagnosis?
Henry: You have AIDS.
Roy: No. Henry, no. AIDS is what homosexuals have. I have liver cancer.

— Angels in America ^note In Al Pacino’s finest hour

Web Original

Every time a man passes me on the street, I’m afraid he’s going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I’ve even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife — even some that haven’t actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can’t seem to stop thinking about.

— The Onion, "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?"

King Harkinian: OAH! That's not me!
Future!King Harkinian: Yes! I'm the King of Hyrule. I'm having gay sex with Duke Onkled.
...
King Harkinian: It must be Ganon.
...
King's Assistant: The King's gay!
King Harkinian: Fuck you! I'm not gay; I just like gay sex.

— YouTube Poop — The King's Secret

Western Animation

Mr. Garrison: Oh, stop filling his head with that queer-loving propaganda.
Chef: Say what?! You of all people should be sympathetic.
Mr. Garrison: What do you mean?
Chef: Well, you're gay aren't you?
Mr. Garrison: What?! What the hell are you talking about?! I am not gay.
Chef: Well, you sure do act like it.
Mr. Garrison: I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass.

— South Park

Real Life

"How do you know when a rabid, virile anti-gay activist is in fact gay? And y'know, the answer is well duh."

— Roy Zimmerman

Racists never imagine what it's like to be like the person they hate, homophobes imagine it in graphic detail for hour upon hour.

— Bob Schooley

"The worst homophobes are simply at war with their own secret internal nature."

— Dr. Scott Lankford

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