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Quotes / Alcohol-Induced Idiocy

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"Hold my beer and watch this."
— The prelude to either a good time or this trope played straight.

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    Fan Works 
Elizabeth: I took drugs?!
Rosalind: Your grasp of the obvious remains commendable.
Elizabeth: Yes, but... drugs in Rapture? Right before the New Years' Eve attacks? Why didn't I realize how dangerous that'd be?
Robert: In your defence, you were extremely drunk at the time.

    Literature 
"Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise."

"The fact of the matter was that one Sunday morning Strange was drinking brandy for breakfast at a hotel in St Jean de Luz with three Captains and two lieutenants of the 16th Light Dragoons. He was explaining to these gentlemen the theory behind the magical transportation of various objects. It was an entirely futile undertaking: they would not have understood him very well had they been sober and neither they nor Strange had been entirely sober for two days. By way of an illustration Strange swapped the positions of the two churches with the congregations still inside them. He fully intended to change them round again before the people came out, but shortly afterwards he was called away to a game of billiards and never thought of it again."

Lister: But Better Than Life's addictive! I knew that.
Kryten: You were drunk, Mister David; you thought you'd be okay just to go into the Game and tell the Cat what danger he was in. But once you'd linked up with the Cat's headband, you didn't come out.
Rimmer: What about me? Why did I go in?
Kryten: You were drunk too. You said you had the willpower to drag them both out. You got Holly to splice you into the Game, and that was the last we saw of you.
Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

    Live-Action TV 
Penny: [My ex-boyfriend] got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car.
Leonard: What?
Penny: He was drunk.
Leonard: I would hope so!

    Music 
"They say beer will make me dumb
It are go good with pizza!"
Psychostick, "Beer"

"Save me
I've been drinking wine
And I just made a big mistake
Happens all the time"
Two Door Cinema Club, "Bad Decisions"

    Video Games 
Blaze, the next time you don't bring protective gear on the mission, I will have Dr. Kal'tsit forbid you from consuming alcoholic beverages.
— Comment in Blaze's personnel files, Arknights

Player: You deputized a gun?
Sherf: You're new in town, maybe you ain't noticed — but there ain't much to do here 'cept drink.

"The cosmic fury of a thousand raging suns course through this midnight-black, glistening concoction. People ask why we remember Karl. People ask what made him a legend. Rumor has it Skull Crusher Ale is at least partly to blame. Make of that what you will. Beware."

"Once upon a time, we moogles served the gods in the heavens. It was quite nice up there - unspeakably beautiful, unimaginably spacious, and with a literally endless supply of wine, kupo! In spite of this, or possibly because of the last part, the gods eventually became discontented and started squabbling, which made life jolly difficult for the poor moogles."
Kuplo Kopp, relating a moogle myth, Final Fantasy XIV

    Web Animation 
"My friends and I were hosting a poker night, and I'd never played poker before, but for some reason, with liquid confidence in my system (the equivalent to about an entire bottle of wine), I was incredibly confident that luck was on my side. Of course, it was not, but, you know, alcohol makes you think it is. Needless to say, I ended up losing over $300 that night. So, kids, don't drink and gamble because you will lose. A lot. Probably. Just don't do it."

    Web Video 
"When we cover stories of mankind gone mad, there are any number of reasons that can be seen as a cause for the crazy. Sometimes it's bad judgment, sometimes poorly-planned choices, sometimes it's country music. But of all the dozens and dozens of stories I get, one phrase tends to stick out like a straight man at a Barbra Streisand concert: alcohol was involved."
Nash, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?, "One Moron, One Scotch, One Beer"

    Western Animation 
Dwight Conrad: I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
Fry: No I'm... doesn't!

"You know we get really excited about really stupid things when we're drunk, and it's your job to stop us!"
Nathan Explosion, Metalocalypse

Moe: Barney, how do you keep getting back in?
Barney: I'm a drunk. I don't know nothing about how I do anything.

    Miscellaneous 
"An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men."

"I believe alcoholics are God's rodeo clowns. We're the ones doing the stupid shit nobody else will do."

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