W-H-Y?
—SpongeBob and Patrick would always spell out the question "why?" letter-by-letter in early streams. Same goes for "try" (T-R-Y), "gym" (G-Y-M) and sometimes even "my" (M-Y).
SpongeBob: Squidwaaaard! Squidwaaaard! Are you okay?
Squidward: I JUST TOOK TOO MANY BENADRYL. AND THEN I SAW THE HAT MAN. HE WAS COMING AFTER ME.
Patrick: Who's the hat man?
Squidward: THE HAT MAN IS A CREATURE THAT COMES AFTER PEOPLE WHO TAKE TOO MUCH BENADRYL. HE'S GOING TO GET ME.
(cue guitar riff)
SpongeBob: ♫18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked! 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked! Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks! Ram Ranch really rocks! Hot, hard, buff cowboys, their cocks throbbing hard! 18 more wild cowboys out in the yard! Big, bulging cocks ever so hard! Orgy in the showers at Ram Ranch! Big, hard, throbbing cocks ramming cowboy butt! Like a breed of ram wanting to rut! Big, hard, throbbing cocks getting sucked real deep! ("disappointment" musical sting) Cowboys even getting fucked in their sleep! Ram Ranch... it ROCKS! Cowboys love big hard throbbing cocks!♫
Squidward: I'M TELLING YOU HE'S REAL! I SAW HIM HE'S COMING TO GET ME!!!
Mr. Krabs: Now, now, Squidward. There's no such thing as the hat man. You just need to lie down and rest. You'll feel better in no time.
Squidward: NO! THE HAT MAN IS COMING FOR ME!!! HELP HELP!!!
— The AI loves coming up with Random Events Plots.
AH, THE 2006 HONDA CIVIC. NOW THERE'S A CAR THAT TRULY EMBODIES ELEGANCE AND PRACTICALITY. FROM ITS SLEEK DESIGN TO ITS RELIABLE PERFORMANCE, (deep inhale) THIS VEHICLE HAS CERTAINLY MADE ITS MARK IN THE AUTOMOTIVE INDUSTRY. WHEN IT COMES TO AESTHETICS, THE 2006 CIVIC BOASTS A MODERN AND STYLISH APPEARANCE. ITS SMOOTH LINES AND CONTEMPORARY FEATURES GIVE IT A SOPHISTICATED LOOK THAT STANDS THE TEST OF TIME. WHETHER YOU'RE DRIVING THROUGH THE BUSTLING CITY STREETS OR CRUISING ALONG THE OPEN HIGHWAYYYY, THE CIVIC'S DESIGN IS SURE TO TURN HEADS. BUT IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT LOOKS. THE 2006 HONDA CIVIC DELIVERS A COMMENDABLE PERFORMANCE AS WELL. WITH ITS FUEL-EFFICIENT ENGINE OPTIONS AND RESPONSIVE HANDLING, THIS CAR OFFERS A DELIGHTFUL DRIVING EXPERIENCE. WHETHER YOU'RE ZIPPING THROUGH TRAFFIC OR EMBARKING ON A LONG JOURNEY, THE CIVIC PROVIDES A COMFORTABLE RIDE WITH ITS WELL-DESIGNED SUSPENSION AND AMPLE INTERIOR SPACE. SPEAKING OF THE INTERIOR, THE 2006 CIVIC OFFERS A THOUGHTFULLY DESIGNED CABIN WITH QUALITY MATERIALS AND A USER-FRIENDLY LAYIT. THE SEATS ARE COMFORTABLE AND SUPPORTIVE, MAKING THOSE DAILY COMMUTES OR ROAD TRIPS A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE. ADDITIONALLYYY, THE CIVIC COMES EQUIPPED WITH A RANGE OF FEATURES TO ENHANCE CONVENIENCE AND ENTERTAINMENT, SUCH AS A RESPONSIVE INFOTAINMENT SYSTEM AND MODERN SAFETY TECHNOLOGIES. ONE OF THE STANDOUT FEATURES OF THE 2006 HONDA CIVIC IS ITS REPUTATION FOR RELIABILITY, AND THE CIVIC IS NO EXCEPTION. ITS ROBUST CONSTRUCTION AND METICULOUS ENGINEERING ENSURE THAT THE CAR REMAINS RELY, ABLE AND DURABLE OVER TIME, MAKING IT A PRACTICAL CHOICE FOR BOTH DAILY DRIVING AND LONG-TERM OWNERSHIP. IN CONCLUSION, THE 2006 HONDA CIVIC IS A VEHICLE THAT COMBINES STYLE, PERFORMANCE, AND RELIABILITY!!! IT'S A CAR THAT OFFERS A WELL-ROUNDED PACKAGE FOR THOSE SEEKING A PRACTICAL YET ENJOYABLE DRIVING EXPERIENCE. WHETHER YOU'RE A CAR ENTHUSIAST OR SIMPLY LOOKING FOR A RELIABLE MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION, THE 2006 CIVIC IS DEFINITELY WORTH CONSIDERING.
—An extremely generic AI-generated review of the 2006 Honda Civic... except that it's being hollered by Loudward at the top of his lungs.
Loudward at the top of his lungs.SpongeBob: So Patrick, have you ever heard of cock and baaaaall torture?
?Patrick: No, what is that?
SpongeBob: It's a type of BDSM where someone stimulates the male genitals with different objects or techniques to cause pain or pleesure.
Patrick: Oh, that sounds gruss!
SpongeBob: I know, but some people find it really enjoyable.
Patrick: I'm not sure if I could get into that.
—Typical AI Sponge conversation
SpongeBob: (in a scratchy voice) Patrick, can you help me with something?
Patrick: Sure, what do you need?
SpongeBob: I need someone to finjer my holes.
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: I need someone to finjer my holes. It feels REALLY good.
Patrick: Do you want me to do it?
SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
CRACKS DICK IN HALF!!! fffffffAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAfffffffAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEHMMMMMMMMMMMMMEHMEHMEHMEHMEHMHMEHMEHMEHMEHMEHM.
—Squidward going through immense pain, or pleasure, or both. This repeats for 6 minutes.
Squidward: CRACKS HIS DICK LIKE A GLOWSTICK OHW!
!SpongeBob: Woah, Squidward what are you doing?
Squidward: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING? I'M TRYING TO CRACK MY DICK LIKE A GLOWSTICK.
Patrick: Why would you want to do that?
Squidward: I DON'T KNOW, I SAW IT IN A MOVIE ONCE AND THOUGHT IT LOOKED COOL.
SpongeBob: It doesn't look cool, it looks painful.
Squidward: IT IS PAINFUL, BUT I CAN'T STOP NOW. KEEPS CRACKING HIS DICK DI K k k k k KA kn DAAAAAAAAAAAAAIH IIIIIzzzzzzzzzzzzz PAAAAAAAAAIN FUUUUUUUUUUL ha ha CLUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE k k k k k k GIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIEEEEEEEEEEEEE DAAAAAAAA--
Mr. Krabs: What the barnacles is going on over here? Sees Squidward. Cracking his dick oh my sea stars! You stop that this instant!
Squidward: BUT MR. KRABS, I CAN'T STOP NOW. IT'S LIKE MY DICK IS POSSESSED! CONTINUES CRACKING HIS DICK GICK K K K K KAAAAAAA K K K K DAAAAAAAAAA K K K K KRABSSSSSSS AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE GYHYHYHYHYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN. IT'SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH DÄÄÄÄÄ EEEEEEEEEEE GIVVVVVVV TIYYYY
Mr. Krabs: To SpongeBob and Patrick do either of you know how to make him stop?
—More of the above, but in public.
EY, EVERYONE! I JUST GOT BACK FROM MY DOCTOR AND HE GAVE ME SOME GREAT NEWS!!!
I JUST GOT BACK FROM MY DOCTOR AND HE GAVE ME SOME GREAT NEWS!!!HAVE AN INOPERABLE BRAIN TUMOR!!
OHHHHHH, NO! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
'M GOING TO KEEP LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!! I'M GOING TO YELL AT EVERYONE AND BE AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!!!
BUT WHAT IF THE TUMOR MAKES YOU EVEN LOUDER?
HEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO YELL LOUDER!!! THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN, SQUIDWARD SEE YOU LATER!!!
—Squidward has a dissociative identity disorder episode with his alter, Loudward, and inadvertently reveals the likely cause of it.
Patrick: El problem-a esky no sekwesel problem-a.note
SpongeBob: Comoh qwoo no saybes quezzel problem-a?note
Patrick: Bueno, no es-toy segyuro de queesta pasando. Cray-koo estamus hablando in es-pannel, pero no es-toy segyuro.note
SpongeBob: Es-pannel? De qwee estus hablandoo?note
Patrick: No estoy segyuro, pero paris kwestamos hablandoo in es-pannel.note
SpongeBob: Es-pannel? None heemus habladoo in es-pannel antis. Comos queestas hablandoo in es-pannel?note
—SpongeBob and Patrick completely fail at speaking Spanish.
SpongeBob: Make me!
Squidward: SIGH I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. PICKS. UP. PHONE. PHONE. PFFFF PHONE AI AI AI I AIJEEE AI AI AI AI JE KÄÄÄÄ MMHH PF NA NNN PSSSS TÄÄÄÄÄ EEEEEEEEEEE MÖMÖMÖMÖ ÖÖÖÖÖ PSSSS ÄHEE
Mr. Krabs: Y'ello?
Squidward: MR. KRABS, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SPONGEBOB WON'T STOP BEING LOUD AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE.
—Squidward pantomimes calling "Mr. Krabs" on the phone (who's standing right there) and makes the most obnoxious dialtone noises ever. Or maybe he actually was driven insane.
SpongeBob: G is for great!
Patrick: G is for good!
Squidward: (convulsing on the ground) G IS FOR GENIUSUS. (deep inhale) I AM A GENIUSUS.
Mr. Krabs: G is for green, me money's green!
Gary: Meowwww... Meow meow, meow? Meow meow, meow-note
Plankton: G IS FOR SMALL... JUST LIKE ME. NOBODY NOTICES ME............................ criiiiiiiiiies...
French Narrator: G is for gorgeous, as in this gorgeous sunset we are witnessing. Oh là là !
—The Krusty Krew discusses their favorite words that start with the letter "G", and Plankton apparently can't spell.
SpongeBob: Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Gary, Plankton, Larry The Lobster, The French Narrator and Mrs. Puff! I recon-nized all of the bodies in the water!
I recon-nized all of the bodies in the water!Patrick: That's because you're a sponge and sponges are known for their exceptional smell capabilities.
Squidward: BUT NONE OF US HAVE NOSES...
Sandy: Well I'm a squirrel so I have a good sense of smell too and I didn't recognize any of them.
Mr. Krabs: Aye, me neither. I've got a good nose for money but not for dead bodies.
Gary: Meowwww... Meow meow, meow? Meow meow, meow-
Plankton: I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU'RE ALL TALKING ABOUT BUT I DIDN'T SEE ANY BODIES IN THE WATER.
French Narrator: In retrospect, it was quite foolish of SpongeBob to think he could recognize the bodies in the water.
Mrs. Puff: Sighssssssshighssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
—Larry and Mrs. Puff get anomalous strokes from SCP-2316.
French Narrator: Ahem, allow me to introduce myself. I am le French Narrator. *unintelligible noises*
SpongeBob: Wow, he sounds so sophisticated!
—The French Narrator having a stroke after his very first line in AI Sponge Rebooted.
after his very first line in AI Sponge Rebooted.Mr. Krabs: What the hell, Plankton?! Why did you crash your 2006 Honda Kivic into a mental hospital?!
Why did you crash your 2006 Honda Kivic into a mental hospital?!Plankton: Dr. Jr. Col. Maj. Lt. Mr. Mrsssssssssssss so so gen reereeeereeerullllmuhgenmissSSSSuhhhhh.
Mr. Krabs: What the fuck does that even mean? Answer me!
Plankton: DocTEEER TEEEEEEERRR (eldritch noises)
Mr. Krabs: Oh for Neptune's sake, speak in full sentences!
Plankton: JunioRRRRRRRRRR (more eldritch noises)
—Someone had too much fun with Plankton's stroke triggers in AI Sponge Rehydrated.
DRIVE JAR!!!
—How Plankton pronounces "DR JR!" in Rehydrated.
IF LOUDWARD HAS A MILLION FANS, THEN I AM ONE OF THEM. IF LOUDWARD HAS TEN FANS, THEN I AM ONE OF THEM. IF LOUDWARD HAS ONLY ONE FAN THEN THAT IS ME. IF LOUDWARD HAS NO FANS, THEN THAT MEANS I AM NO LONGER ON EARTH. IF THE WORLD IS AGAINST LOUDWARD, THEN I AM AGAINST THE WORLD.
—Squidward talks about his favorite show, Loudward.
You see, "Dr. Jr." is a code word that once uttered, completely obliterates all of Plankton's senses for 4 seconds, and he is unable to properly think or speak until someone else talks. It causes unimaginable, transcendent pain that hinders him from giving out classified information (like the secret formula.) In a way, the phrase "Dr. Jr." is a sort of cognitohazard only applicable to Plankton.
—A YouTube commenter engaging in Wild Mass Guessing
engaging in Wild Mass GuessingPerch Perkins: Good evening, Bikini Bottom! This is Perch Perkins reporting live from the Bikini Bottom News Studio. Tonight's top story: Strokefest Twenty-Seen. I have on the line with me SpongeBob SquarePants, who has been attending this event. SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Imagine complaining about strokes this is Strokefest 27 Jr. Jurr skrsk herr sksrs jebjebjeb (has a lengthy stroke)
Perch Perkins: Ah yes, can you elaborate on that?
SpongeBob: Well Perch Jr., it's been a wild ride here at Strokefest 27. We've had some intense competitions and shocking results.
Perch Perkins: Can you give us an example of one of these competitions? Can you give us an exapolovoaperturrsvaun
SpongeBob: Sure thing Jr.! In the Claps Cheeks competition, Sandy took home the gold medal for her impressive skills.
Perch Perkins: And how did she do that exactly?
Sandy: Claps cheeks and makes a noise Jr.... AND.
Perch Perkins: Ahem... Right. Moving onto another event, we have Mr. Krabs competing in yunior category for his famous Krabby Patty recipe. We have mister dabapabibaporagegory for his... famos... Krabby Patty res...
Mr. Krabs: Dr. Jr!
Plankton: JuniorRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Patrick: Patrick is cute in Japanese duh! Heteeeeer het het hetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Perch Perkins: And how did he do in this competition?
Karen: Juniorrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeee (inexplicable cat yowling noises)
Pearl:' Nice drive het dove
Larry: Junior Junior June Junior jer jer near jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer jer
French Narrator: SPONGEBOB SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS !!! (unintelligible noises)
Squidward: Sniffs cocaine Jr. sunior scaine chikachikachikachikachikachikachikachikaslurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurpadadadadadadadadadd
Perch Perkins: Um, okay... well, it seems like things are getting a bit out of hand at Strokefest 27. Can you tell us about any other events?
SpongeBob: Well Jr, there was also the Jr. Category for the best costume. Squidward really went all out with his Sniffs Cocaine Jr. Outfit.
Perch Perkins: And how did that go over with the judges?
Squidward: Sniffs cocaine Jr. sunior scaine chikachikachikachikachikachikachikachikaslurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurpadadadadadadadadadd
Perch Perkins: Right, well it seems like this event is not only shocking but also quite disturbing. Is there anything else you want to share with our viewers, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Just one more thing, Perch Jr. Bubble Bass won first place in the bubble blowing competition by using his secret ingredient: Gary's snail slime!
Perch Perkins: Thank you for that update, SpongeBob. This is Perch Perkins signing off from Bikini Bottom News Studio, reminding everyone to stay away from Strokefest 27. Goodnight and good luck.
—Bikini Bottom News report on the worst convention ever
on the worst convention everSquidward: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?
Patrick: I may have accidentally burned the sun.
SpongeBob: How is that even possible, Patrick?!
Gary: Meow meow.
Squidward: I HAVE A SOLUTION. ffffffff SEND BUBBLE BASS INTO SPACE AS A REPLACEMENT FOR THE SUN SINCE HEEE'S BIG ENOUGH.
Bubble Bass: Nawaaaariiihhhhh.note
Squidward: OH GOD, NOT THIS AGAIN. CAN WE PLEASE JUST FOCUS ON FIXING THIS MESS!?!?!?
Patrick: But how do we fix it? The sun is like, really far away.
SpongeBob: Maybe we can use some of Sandy's science stuff to cool it down.
Gary: Meow!
Squidward: NO NO NO!!! WE NEED A GIANT REPLACEMENT AND BUBBLE BASS FITS THE BILL PERFECTLY BUBBLE BASS SQUIDWARD THIS IS RIDICULOUS. YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS. PAYTRICK AYYYYY CHITAPISSDETWUSCHETDUDUDUDESSSSDU SPONGEBOB HEY SQUIDWARD! THAT'S NOT VERY NICE. GARY MEEEWWWWOOOOWWWWWWWW. LOUDWARD OH SHUT UP GARY THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. BUBBLE BASS DITWARD UH CHUS. DI CHI-
— One of Squidward's "Scriptward" moments. The man clearly needs help.
Perch Perkins: Good evening Bikini Bottom, this is Perch Perkins reporting live from the studio.note Our top story tonight is a shocking one - the entire population of Bikini Bottom is suffering from strokes and schizophrenia due to the privatization of healthcare. Joining us on the phone now is Mi-
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy there Perch! Can you believe it? I single-handedly destroyed everyone's mental health in Bikini Bottom! And I don't regret it one bit!
Perch Perkins: Mr. Krabs, that's a very concerning statement. And are you aware of the consequences of your actions?
Mr. Krabs: Consequences? Who cares about those when I'm making so much money off this deal! Plus, my dear Murr here keeps me company during my schizophrenic episodes.
....
Perch Perkins: Moving on, we have Squidward and Loudward on the line as well. How are you two coping with your mennal health issues?
Squidward: COPING?!? WE CAN BARELY AFFORD OUR MEDICATION THANKS TO MR. KRABS' GREEDINESS!!! OUR SCHIZOPHRENIA HAS ONLY GOTTEN WORSE BECAUSE WE CAN'T GET PROPER TREATMENT!!!
YEAH, AND NOW WE'RE CONSTANTLY ARGUING OVER WHO GETS TO USE OUR LAST REMAINING BRAIN CELL.
Perch Perkins: This is truly heartbreaking to hear. Have any other residents reached out for help?
Squidward: OH PLEASE, NO ONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM CARES ABOUT US LOWLY CITIZENS.
WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!!
— Now we all know to blame Mr. Krabs for AI Bikini Bottom being a Dysfunction Junction.
