Onkel Kånkel and His Kånkelbär note is an infamous Swedish music project which existed between 1979 and 2009. How to describe it... well, think of an up to eleven mix between the lyrics of The Mentors, Anal Cunt, GG Allin and Frank Zappa at his most juvenile, with a musical backdrop rooted in the most poorly produced, lo-fi, dank-ass Punk Rock you can think of, but occasionally branching out into (equally poor) attempts at everything from Hip-Hop to Disco to Country. Last but not least, filter all of this through a rosy-cheeked 1940's aesthetic. Does this sound good? Well, then check into your nearest Bedlam House for your injections, right away.
They made fun of EVERYONE but had a certain soft spot for Homosexuals, the mentally and physically handicapped, Those Wacky Nazis (laughing with them of course!), and Pedophilia. There's a peculiar old-timey charm to most of Onkel Kånkels lyrics, which was deliberate. Another famous trait of Onkel Kånkels lyrics is constant name-dropping of old school Swedish celebrities like Martin Jung
and Lennart Hyland. For those unfamiliar, it would be like singing about Mr Rogers and Bob Hope eating shit and raping children.
The person behind all of this insanity was a man named Håkan Florå. He pulled off the impressive feat of not blowing his cover for the entire time that the band was active. There were rumors and "opens secrets" that Håkan and Onkel were one and the same, but mostly he stayed anonymous up until his death of a heart attack in 2009. Onkel Kånkel made two live appearances, one in 1993 where they were joined on stage by a developmentally disabled man who told jokes and danced, and another one in 2002.
Famous fans include Oscar Dronjak of Hammerfall, Peter Tätgren of Hypocrisy and Ebbot Lundgren of The Soundtrack of Our Lives. Famous members include Tobias Forge of Ghost who played bass under the 2002 tour.
Ljufa troper:
- The Alcoholic: "Shut up bitch, WHERE'S THE BOOZE?!"
- Florå himself, unfortunately.
- Bawdy Song: All of them.
- Butt-Monkey: "Look upon Goebbels, look at his gait, the taunting it echoes in Goebbels wake. Look at the retard, laugh at the retard, everyone's stepping on Goebbels!"
- Brick Joke: The second and third verse of "Blinka Brun":"Allow me to introduce you to Señor Bengt, i found him in the bar down the road. Such a rough and tumble mongoloid who's over the hill and addicted to pills. He's wandered all the way from Vassmolösa, so his buttcheeks are pretty shapeless. But far from being shiftless, his turds are supposed to be incomparably tasteless!"
And later:
- "A male allianceA brown romanceIn a hot flamenco danceA bit of ho a bit of heyEnemas and marital aids,By the way, have you seen Bengt around somewhere?"
- I Am the Band: Håkan Florå was Onkel Kånkel. The two times he played live, he was backed by muscicians from a plethora of Swedish Punk and Metal bands like Insision, just to name one.
- I Love the Dead: "(G)rave Party" in the least subtle way possible.
- Last Note Nightmare: "The ballsack's hanging out".
- Music at Sporting Events:"The volleyball tournament of the pedophiles""Hi, we are the pedophiles, we're playing volleyball. We face the homosexuals, we're in the lead with ass to zero "
- Scary Musician, Harmless Music: Inverted. Despite making some of the grossest, weirdest and least PC music of all time, Florå was described by his friends as a kind, handsome, physically fit man, who loved animals and was quite popular with the ladies.
- Historical In-Joke: In the above mentioned "(G)rave Party", two necrophiles are digging up the corpses of various celebrities in order to molest them, when one of them discovers this:"Look who I discovered and he's all chilly! Son of a gun, if it isn't Olof Palme!"
- Hilariously Abusive Childhood: The poor kid who bothers his alcoholic dad about getting to "go to the dagcenter" (basically a sort of daycare center for developmentally disabled adults) one too many times in "Dagcenter Dance."
- Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: The song "Shrunken man-dick of steel" about an 85-year old man raping a drunken 9-year old girl (all played for laughs and not portraying her as a victim) led to calls from Moral Guardians to ban the sell of Onkel Kånkel records. They failed.
- Viking Funeral: The narrator in (G)rave Party doesn't like them.The numbers I have sex with used to be greater
Why don't they just ban cremation?
Imagine all the shags, not stuffed down in bags
Such a lack is whack, for a true necro mack! - Those Wacky Nazis: "Schnitzel-Fritz", "Nazi dick in the Führers anus", "Retard-Goebbels" etc, etc.
