Kunt in the flesh.
Kunt and the Gang are a British comedy "band" (really one man known as Wayne Clements and an array of synths) whose work is primarily upbeat, catchy cheesy pop songs... about masturbation, bestiality, sex, pubic hair and virtually every other puerile subject one could care to think of. With song titles such as "I'm Gonna Lick You Out", "The Bloke Up the Garage Fucked a Sheep", and "My Mum Found My Wank Mags", the tone of Kunt's work should be stunningly obvious to virtually anyone with a brain stem.
Kunt released an autobiography, "i, Kunt: How I became, and remained, a minor Internet hit singer" in December 2018 after a successful campaign on Kickstarter.
In 2020, Kunt released (with his new actual band, The Kunts) a Punk Rock album, "Kunts Punk In Your Face". Their song "Boris Johnson Is A Fucking Cunt" reached No. 5 in the charts in Christmas 2020; the follow up for 2021, "Boris Johnson Is Still A Fucking Cunt" also reached No. 5 in the Christmas charts. Their 2022 Christmas song, "Fuck the Tories", has so far reached No. 8 on the Christmas charts.
Kunt and the Gang provide examples of:
- Abhorrent Admirer: Kunt, to too many people to name. He describes Carol Vorderman as the love of his life though.
- Album Title Drop: "I Have a Little Wank And I Have a Little Cry" is a line from the song "Wanking Over a Pornographic Polaroid of an Ex-Girlfriend Who Died", whereas "One Last Wank and One Last Cry" is the closing track from the album of the same name.
- Anti-Christmas Song: Has an entire album of them called Kiss You Under the Cameltoe (The Christmas Singles).
- Arch-Enemy: As of December 2021, the charity singer/YouTuber LadBaby, for a variety of reasons, mostly related to the run for Christmas No. 1 that year and Kunt's belief that these charity songs are really cynical grab for fame on LadBaby's part.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: "You're A Pervert", which is about the ways an unnamed person is a pervert, asserts one of them is inviting in Jehovah's Witnesses when they call at your house.
- Author Appeal: Kunt generally writes simple ditties about things he likes or dislikes. Which, generally speaking, translates as sex, masturbation and Carol Vorderman.
- Bad Santa: According to "Santa's Sack" Kunt as a child came downstairs on Christmas Eve to find Santa having sex with his grandmother.
- Bearded Baby: Has a song called "Jesus (Baby With a Beard)".
- Black Comedy: A fair number of Kunt's songs concern dark subject matter, helped by many of them having a jarringly upbeat tone.
- "The Abortion Song" is about the singer (represented in the now-deleted video as Kunt dressed as Ronald McDonald) wanting to give his pregnant girlfriend an abortion against her wishes, with some of the methods he considers bordering on Domestic Abuse.
- "I Was Pissed Out of My Head" has Kunt describe incidents where he attacked or killed someone while extremely drunk.
- Black Comedy Rape:
- "Paperboy" is about the singer molesting a paperboy because he reminded him of a girl he had a crush on when he was younger.
- "Jimmy Savile and the Sexy Kids" concerns a fictional account of Kunt being haunted by Jimmy Savile's ghost, who implores that Kunt write a song defending his sex crimes.
- Blaming the Victim: "Jimmy Savile and the Sexy Kids" has the former's ghost asking Kunt to write a song explaining that it's not his fault he's a pedophile, but the children's for being attractive.
- Bolt of Divine Retribution: God strikes Kunt down at the end of the video for "Jesus (Baby With A Beard)" leaving Smoldering Shoes behind.
- Clown Species: Given the clown baby and fetus seen in "The Abortion Song", Ronald McDonald seems to belong to one.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Kunt's songs summon up this trope to its fullest.
- "Fuck the Tories" has over 59 uses of the word, to the point that it was banned from being shown on the BBC, even the safe-for-work version "Stuff the Tories".
- Mostly averted with "Prince Andrew Is a Sweaty Nonce"; while the word "nonce" (UK slang for pedophile) isn't exactly SFW, and a couple of phrases are borderline at best, it has no curse words whatsoever.
- Country Matters: Come on, do we really need to say anything?
- Darker and Edgier: Blue ROFL, Kunt's final album, is a fair bit darker than his previous work, to the point of being even outright misanthropic at points. "It's Just A Butterfly" completely and directly dismisses the idea of an afterlife or of anything meaningful after one's death, while "You're Going To Die" is exactly as bleak as it sounds, being a blunt statement that when you do die (which you will) there'll be nothing except "blackness and nothing" and that you'll "fade out of people's memories/quite shortly after you die".
- In his autobiography he mentions that Blue ROFL was written around a time of enormous tragedy around him (including multiple family deaths and brushes of both friends and family with disease and cancer) and that this informed both the album and his decision to retire.
- Double Standard: Rape, Divine on Mortal: Kunt points out at the end of ''Jesus (Baby With a Beard)" that if he had unconsensual sex with a woman, his baby wouldn't be considered the Messiah.
- Dude Looks Like a Lady: "Paperboy" is about Kunt kidnapping and raping a paperboy because he looks like a girl Kunt liked at school.
- Earth Is Young: Dinosaurs ruled the land two thousand years ago according to "Jesus (Baby With A Beard)".
- Ephebophile: Kunt himself in "Paperboy" sings about molesting a 16-year-old paperboy because he reminded him of a girl he had a crush on when he was younger.
- Fake Band: It's just one guy and some synths, and occasionally a puppet named Little Kunt who "sings" on some of the songs (really just Kunt pitched up a bit).
- The Four Chords of Pop: If it weren't for the band's general subject matter and the cheap production, Kunt's songs would pretty much just be standard catchy pop tunes.
- Good Girls Avoid Abortion: "The Abortion Song" is about a man trying to make his girlfriend miscarry because she won't have an abortion.
- I Am the Band: There is no gang, only Kunt.
- Insistent Terminology: Kunt insists that he be called a "minor Internet hit singer", which is if nothing else an entirely accurate title (he got to number 66 in the charts with "Use My Arse as a Cunt", which is certainly a qualifier as a "minor hit".)
- Intercourse with You: "I'm Gonna Lick You Out".
- Last Note Nightmare: "One Last Wank And One Last Cry" ends with this as Kunt discovers his penis has stigmata.
- Modernized God: In "Jesus (Baby With A Beard)" Kunt wonders what Jesus would be like if he was born today. Figuring he'd tell the wise men to bring an iPhone and video games instead of gold, frankincense and myrrh.
- Monster Clown: "The Abortion Song" is about Kunt thinking of ways to make his girlfriend have a miscarriage. He spends the video trying all of them while dressed as Ronald McDonald.
- My Girl Is a Slut:
- In "Santa's Sack", Kunt's grandfather sits in the corner masturbating while watching his wife have sex with Santa Claus.
- In "Jesus (Baby With A Beard)" Joseph is frustrated that Mary won't sleep with him but tells God to give her one from him.
- My New Gift Is Lame: According to "Jesus (Baby With A Beard)" if Jesus were born today he'd think gold, frankincense and myrrh were "a bag of wank" and would want an iPhone 4s, a 3D TV and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.
- Myspeld Rökband: Country Matters in the style of Kool & the Gang.
- Pædo Hunt: In 2022, Kunt and the Gang released "Prince Andrew Is a Sweaty Nonce". The song references his relationships with convicted child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein (since deceased) and Virginia Giuffre, who received over £10 million in a civil settlement of sex abuse claims she had made against Andrew. The "sweaty" part pokes fun at his statement in a disastrous BBC interview that Giuffre's claim that she had danced in a London club with a sweaty Andrew were untrue because he had at the time lost his ability to sweat. Ironically, this is one of Kunt's few songs that isn't loaded with Cluster F-Bombs.
- Poster-Gallery Bedroom: The Kunt Cartoons
show his bedroom wall being covered on posters of Carol Vorderman and Lorraine Kelly. In one he has a Buzz Lightyear lampshade, in the other it's Wallace & Gromit. - Racist Grandma:
- "Fucksticks" Kunt mentions that one of the times his granddad used the eponymous swear was "when the first black people moved into his street and Kunt later refers to him as moany, racist old cunt.
- His grandma as well, as per "Let's Send Nan to Dignitas:"
She's bitter and she's racist, she hates foreigners with a passion
She uses the P- and N-words like they're going out of fashion. - Refuge in Audacity: They're called "Kunt and the Gang". Enough said.
- The Secret of Long Pork Pies: The video for "The Abortion Song" ends with Ronald McDonald dragging his pregnant girlfriend to his fast food restaurant and then Kunt finding a baby clown's head amongst his fries.
- Smoldering Shoes: God strikes Kunt with lightning at the end of the video for "Jesus (Baby With A Beard", leaving a pair of smoking shoes behind.
- Stealth Parody: "I Was Pissed Out of My Head" sounds like it's Kunt defending his actions (beating someone senseless and murdering a prostitute) on the nebulous basis that he was drunk, but it could be argued that it's actually making fun of people who do depraved things and use drunkenness as an excuse. Although it's entirely possible that, this being Kunt And The Gang, that's reading far too much into it.
- Take That!: The Hidden Track on some CD pressings of "I Have Another Wank And I Have Another Cry" is a stunningly abusive song apparently directed at someone called Mel who used to do the band's press, who according to the song is very fat and ugly (amongst many, many other things). "Mel, she looks like a barrel" is one of the few printable lines.
- "The Wrong Ian Watkins" not only serves as a middle finger towards the disgraced Lostprophets singer himself (who was convicted for multiple sexual offenses) but also to multiple news outlets like E! Entertainment Television and internet commenters for confusing the former with the Steps member Ian "H" Watkins and attacking the latter by mistake.
- Several lines in the Amy Winehouse "tribute" "Amy (It's A Terrible Shamey)" make light of the fact that one of the few truly popular things she did was a reworking of "Valerie", a song by The Zutons. Which normally wouldn't be too bad, but Kunt's repetition of the point to the exclusion of virtually anything else seems intended to highlight the idea that one of the only noteworthy things she ever did was a reworking of someone else's song. That and the probably sarcastic assertion that her songs were "not at all samey."
- "Boris Johnson Is [Still] a Fucking Cunt", naturally.
- Related to "Boris Johnson Is a Fucking Cunt", Kunt has made it abundantly clear via virtually every form of media how poorly he thinks of "charity singer" LadBaby, not least since the latter directly took pops at him in interviews. Kunt eventually attacked LadBaby further in "Fuck the Tories".
- Not to mention "Prince Andrew Is a Sweaty Nonce".
- Truck Driver's Gear Change: "Boris Johnson Is A Fucking Cunt". Repeatedly.
- Vagina Dentata: According to "That’s Why I Voted Brexit", the vaginas of women from Papua New Guinea have a row of teeth like a shark's.
- Wild Teen Party: "Paul Stephenson's Party" is about a teenage Kunt going to his friend's house party which gets trashed.
