Elevator Floor Announcement

"Ground floor: Perfumery, stationery, and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food. Going up... "

— Are You Being Served? theme song

A stock phrase associated with department store elevators, which in Real Life often emit a prerecording that lists the "departments" of the current floor. (In the days of live elevator operators, it was typically the operator's job to do this.)

Typically the formula is two normal items and a plot relevant item, though this can be mixed up by having another mundane item after the plot-relevant item. The plot-relevant item is often jarringly discordant with the other mundane items: see Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick.

If the department store's policy is "We Sell Everything" then the resulting Long List can sometimes become an Overly Long Gag.

Often The Elevator from Ipanema. Might appear inside the elevators of a Sapient Ship.

Always included as part of an Elevator Gag. Also invoked as a Pre-Asskicking One-Liner for someone "dramatically" entering or ascending to a floor.

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Examples:

First Floor: Advertising, Commercials, As Seen On TV Products, Questionable Claims

• Used in a Wilkins Coffee commercial.
  Wilkins: Tenth floor — Pots, pans, home furnishings and Wilkins Coffee.
  Wontkins: Wilkins Coffee?
  Wilkins: Sure, you can't keep house without Wilkins.

Second Floor: Anime & Manga, Made In Japan Products, Schoolgirls, Tentacles

• Transformers: Cybertron used this once, to fill part of the Stock Footage Fighter-Launching Sequence.
  Optimus Prime: This elevator could use a few windows. First floor, housewares.

Third Floor: Comic Books, Superheroes, Body Building Courses, Gag Products

• Nightwing and Robin are about to enter a hidden base. The control panel hidden in the tree makes an elevator rise out of the middle of the lake. They start slogging to it and Nightwing quips, "Step right in. Next floor, toys, games, electronics, center of the Earth."

Fourth Floor: Fan Works, Mary Sues, Ships, Slash Fiction

• In With Strings Attached, there's a scene where the four have been shrunk, but George manages to get himself back to normal height. When he picks up the others to put them on his head (he can't carry them in his pockets because he's naked), he says “Top floor, hair oil, wigs, dandruff.” The others are too agitated to laugh.
• In The Keys Stand Alone the four have to take an elevator up to see the Pyar gods. (It Makes Sense in Context). The elevator has transparent doors and they can see the gigantic statues of the Pyars, so John starts to make silly announcements about them as they move past various bits, largely because they're all extremely nervous. Then Paul provides his own Muzak by humming “I've Just Seen A Face.”
• Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space. The Long List of floors in the Supervillain Lair includes Weapons of Mass Destruction, Weapons of Minor Inconvenience, a storage floor for cardboard boxes and a Mime School.
• The St. Mungo's elevator in Knights of the Founders:
  Now arriving on Basement Level One - In-Patient Rooms and Maternity Ward.
  Now arriving on Basement Level Two - Pediatrics, Geriatrics, and General Consultation Rooms.

Fifth Floor: Films — Animation, Disney Store Products, Princesses, Desk Lamps, Knockoffs

• In The Wild, when Kazar is about to push Samson into the volcano.
  Kazar: Next floor, bottom of the food chain! Ding!

Sixth Floor: Films — Live-Action, Sleds, Maguffins, Stars, Trailers

• For a brief gag in the Maysles film The Beatles: The First U.S. Visit, while going up a hotel elevator, John Lennon snarks, "First floor, ladies' underwear. On your right, your can see the Eiffel Tower."
• The Audience Participation lines for The Rocky Horror Picture Show use this trope during the elevator ride early in the movie:
  "First floor, lamps and curtains. Second floor, stupid questions. Third floor, stupid answers. Fourth floor, absolutely nothing. Fifth floor, show me something tall, green, and sexy! It's Bryant Gumby! It's Kermit the Fag! It's Janet Reno in a Star Trek outfit!"

Of course, every location has different lines, but another one goes:

"First floor, pineapple-shaped dildos. Second floor, stupid questions. Third floor, midget's room. Fourth floor, Stevie Wonder's room. Fifth floor, who's that guy all dressed in green? That's no man, it's a gay marine, don't ask, don't tell, HOO-AH!
"First floor, weird musical numbers. Second floor, stupid questions. Third floor, strange answers. Fourth floor, Stevie Wonder's workshop. (Don't worry, he can't see it either!) Top floor, mad laboratory."

• The 5,000 Fingers Of Dr. T has a song about all the tortures in the good doctor's dungeon:
  First floor dungeon
  Assorted simple tortures
  Molten lead, chopping blocks and hot boiling oil
  Second floor dungeon
  Jewelry department
  Leg chains, ankle chains, neck chains, wrist chains, thumbscrews and nooses of the very finest rope
  Basement dungeon
  EVERYBODY OUT!
  • The third floor dungeon was cut from the film for some reason:
  Third floor dungeon
  Household appliances.
  Spike beds, electric chairs, gas chambers, roasting pots, and scalping devices.
• In the Jim Carrey How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, while going down an elevator, the Grinch says, "First floor: factory rejects".
• In his typical fashion, Officer Vickers in Psycho Cop Returns says this when gets on a lift:
  Vickers: Seventh floor, going up. Linens, luxury, eviscerated women.
• Deconstructing Harry has the voice on the Hellevator read out:
  Floor five: Subway muggers, aggressive panhandlers, and book critics.
  Floor six: Right-wing extremists, serial killers, lawyers who appear on television.
  Floor seven: The media. Sorry, that floor is all filled up.
  Floor eight: Escaped war criminals, TV evangelists, and the NRA.

Seventh Floor: Literature, Books, Magazines, Pamphlets, Dime Novels

• Marco makes a joke along these lines in Animorphs, book 7, The Stranger.
  Marco: (elevator music is playing) Top floor. Ladies shoes. Children's apparel. Everyone out.
• In Down Among the Dead Men, a 1954 scifi short by William Tenn, the protagonist is in a factory where human protoplasm is recycled to make more soldiers to fight a Forever War, so this trope is used for Mood Dissonance.
  Then we began going up and the elevator girl began announcing floors and I had lots of other things to think about. "Third floor—Corpse Reception and Classification," the operator sang out. "Fifth floor—Preliminary Organ Processing." "Seventh floor—Brain Reconstitution and Neural Alignment." "Ninth floor—Cosmetics, Elementary Reflexes, and Muscular Control." At this point, I forced myself to stop listening.
• The Ministry of Magic in Harry Potter has an elevator that announces and describes the departments on each floor — the only one with no elaboration after being introduced is the Department of Mysteries.

Eighth Floor: Live-Action TV, TV Sets, DVD Players, Sitcom Living Room Furniture, Home Versions of Game Shows

• Are You Being Served?:
  • This kind of announcement message is used straight in the theme tune, which makes sense, since it is set in a department store.
    Ground floor: Perfumery,
    Stationery and leather goods,
    Wigs and haberdashery,
    Kitchenware and food...
    Going up!
    
    First floor: Telephones,
    Gents' ready-made suits,
    Shirts, socks, ties, hats,
    Underwear and shoes...
    Going up!
    
    Second floor: Carpets,
    Travel goods and bedding,
    Material, soft furnishings,
    Restaurant and teas...
    Going down!
  • Incidentally, the series takes place almost entirely on the first floor, which does in fact feature the menswear department. Oddly, it also features the women's department, which goes completely unannounced in the theme.
• Monty Python's Flying Circus:
  • Taken to extremes, as usual, in episode 41 ("Michael Ellis"):
    Basement: Dangerous gases, viruses, contagious diseases, restaurant and toilet fixings.
    Ground floor: Menswear, boyswear, effeminate goods hall, ill health foods.
    Mezzanine: Tableware, kitchen goods, soft furnishings, hard furnishings, rock-hard furnishings.
    First floor: Complaints.
    Second floor: Cosmetics, jewellery, electrical, satire.
    Third floor: Nasal injuries hall, other things.
    Fourth floor: Granite hall — rocks, shales, alluvial deposits, feldspar, Carpathians, Andes, Urals, mining requisites, atom-splitting service.
    Fifth floor: Complaints.
    Sixth floor: Complaints.
    Seventh floor: Leather goods.
    Eighth floor: Roof garden.
    Ninth floor: Television aerials.
    Tenth floor: Fresh air, clouds, occasional periods of sunshine.
  • Later on in the same store, a "Lift Woman" (elevator attendant) calls out:
    Lift Woman: Second floor... stationery, leather goods, tribal head injuries, cricket bats, film stars, dolphinariums.
    Lift Woman: Third floor... cosmetics, books, Irish massage, tribal head-gear, ants... but not complaints about ants!
• One episode of M*A*S*H:
  Hawkeye: Here we are. First floor. Lingerie, sportswear, elephant accessories and recuperating patients.
• Kari spoofs this in one episode of MythBusters:
  Kari: Aaand on this level, we have lumber, explosives and women's lingerie.
  [Grant gives a wide-eyed aside glance]
• Farscape episode "John Quixote" has a ridiculous one;
  John Headroom: [elevator music plays constantly] Yes I know. This elevator sucks. My job su-su-sucks. Day after day the same-the same thing. Up. Down. Up. Down-down. Just once-just once it'd be nice to go... sideways. Just-just... sideways. Frog Princes! [door opens, a monster blows fire, John slays it] N-n-not that I plan on doing this forever-ever. I have plans you know — [softly] Big [loudly] PLANS! I-I-I'm studying to be an astronaut. And... Penthouse! Have a good day.

• The Professionals: In "Hijack", Doyle is tempted into the Elevator Going Down by his Girl of the Week.
  Doyle: Sixth floor: black magic, taxidermy, surgical stockings, pet food.
• Doctor Who. In "Eve of the Daleks", Sarah ducks into a service elevator to escape a Dalek, only to find another one waiting for her on the floor she arrives at. As she's stuck in a "Groundhog Day" Loop, she just deadpans, "Top floor: Electricals, womenswear, fish tanks" before getting exterminated again.

Ninth Floor: Music, CDs, Vinyl Records, Free Downloads, Musical Instruments, Sheet Music

• "Love in an Elevator" by Aerosmith has an introduction in the video based on this trope. The album version too:
  "Second floor, hardware, children's wear, lady's lingerie. Oh, good morning Mr. Tyler...going down?"
• "Paco!" by Ladytron.
  Ground floor: ladies' clothes, sportswear, stationery
  First floor: kitchenware, furnishings, confectionary
  Second floor: children's toys, back to school, many more
  Fourth floor: electronics, fake antiques, and lingerie
• "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Hardware Store" song uses an extensive (and somewhat unusual) list of merchandise as the bridge.

Tenth Floor: Radio, Microphones, Sound Effects, Aliens from Outer Space

• On the old Abbott and Costello radio show, during World War II, Mel Blanc (acting as Bugs Bunny), was an elevator operator in a department store, quoting "Cigarettes, Nylons, Rubber Tires, Gasoline, Sugar, and other picture postcards!" — each item listed was rationed for the war effort.
• In the Adventures in Odyssey episode "The Last Great Adventure of the Summer", Agent Cat's Paw announces, "Top floor: Ladies' shoes, hand bags, international spies."

Twelfth Floor: Video Games, Controllers, Breakable Pots, Life Hearts, Healing Potions

• Halo
  • The Halo: Combat Evolved level "The Library" has a segment titled "Fourth Floor: Tools, Guns, Keys to Super Weapons".
  • Halo: Reach has section 1 of the level "Long Night of Solace": "First Floor: Beaches, Aliens, Top-Secret Launch Facilities".
• Used in Tomb Raider Chronicles:
  Zip: Bing! Ground floor. Depart here for gun-toting refrigerator men and long walk back upstairs!
• Daxter in Jak II: Renegade: "Ding ding, third floor! Body chains, roach food, torture devices!"
• Gears of War 2:
  Baird: Bottom floor! Sporting goods, lingerie, and one bitch-ass queen!
• Captain America: Super Soldier:
  Cap: Top floor! Ladies hosiery and anti-aircraft guns.
• Paper Mario: The Origami King Olivia pretends to be a department store elevator announcer while she and Mario ride one up to the red streamer, saying that it's something she always wanted to do. Even if she doesn't know what a department store actually is. Sadly, this goes awry when the boss guarding the streamer sabotages the elevator before they get to the top. Olivia announces a minor delay to the "elevator passengers" as Mario tries to fix the sabotage, only for the elevator to plummet and crash directly afterward.
  Olivia: Now passing the Third Floor! Cosmetics, handbags, men's slacks, oranges, perfume, and camping gear.
  Olivia (After the elevator gets sabotaged):Dearest elevator passengers, there will be a minor delay while my friend Mario takes care of this emergency.
  Olivia (After the elevator crashes):Owww. First Floor, Absolutely flattened princesses, crushed dreams, broken glass, and athletic wear.
  * Monkey King from Pirate101 gives a series of these with a Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick while ascending a traitorous Yakooza's tea house.
  Monkey King: First Floor! Stationary! Sportswear! Rubber mallets... and pig archers!
  Monkey King: Second Floor! Children's toys, Kitchenware! Confectionery... and Yaketeers!
  Monkey King: Third Floor! Molten Lead! Chopping blocks! Hot boiling oil... and evil sorcerers!
  Monkey King: Top Floor! Frying Pans! Razor Blades! Ladies garments... wannabe Yakooza Oyobuns! Everybody out!
• One of the stylized question-number introductions in You Don't Know Jack Volume 3: "15th floor: lingerie, housewares, and useless trivia."
• In Warframe, using a lift in the Chrysalith to access the sectors of Zariman 10-0 will prompt an automated announcement providing reminders, instructions, notices, advertisements... and Orokin propaganda.
  "Welcome to Everview Arc. Lunaro games are only permitted in designated zones."
  "Welcome to Halako Perimeter. Do not disturb the Archimedeans."
  "Welcome to Tuvul Commons. Aesthetic standards are being actively enforced."
  "Welcome to The Greenway. By the will of the Seven do all things grow."
  "Welcome to the Oro Works. Those who know no guilt hear no voices."

Thirteenth Floor: Web Comics, Panels, Speech Balloons, Thought Balloons, Google Images Backgrounds

• During the Battle of Azure City in The Order of the Stick, Xykon says "DING! 8th floor: Men's Outerwear, Sporting Goods, and Rifts in the Fabric of the Universe." as he floats up the side of the tower.
• In Adventurers!, Khrima's personal rival, helping out Eternion, makes an appearance with Lumi with this line. He even appears in a cosmic elevator of some sort.
  Garshak: Ding! Third floor! Cookware, men's socks, battles for the fate of the universe, and giftwrapping!

• This strip from Angel Moxie.
  Alex: Top floor, big angry demon lords.

Fourteenth Floor: Web Videos, Hauls, Reviews, Commentary Tracks, Pranks, Game Plays

• Paw of Channel Awesome uses "Level two! More mountains, snow, icicles, and owls!" in his Let's Play of King's Quest V here.
• Spoofed in The Spoony Experiment's Let's Play of Phantasmagoria: A Puzzle of Flesh when Curtis goes to investigate the restricted basement of Wyntech.
  Spoony: *ding ding* Second floor: interdimensional portals and secret corporate black ops science labs!

Fifteenth Floor: Western Animation, Cartoons, Rubbery Things, Yellow People, Satire, Ponies

• The Batman, "The Everywhere Man". The title villain uses "Penthouse Level! Nefarious plots, brilliant schemes, doomed heroes."
• Flash in the Justice League two-parter with Etrigan, "A Knight of Shadows".
  Flash: Ding! Fifth floor — hardware, sporting goods, evil sorceresses!
• Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends:
  Iceman: First floor, bees! Second floor, bees! Third floor — biiiig bees!
• The Spectacular Spider-Man:
  Mysterio: Second floor. Toys, Housewares, Superhero Defeat!
• From Spider-Man Unlimited:
  Spider-Man: Basement level! Household linens, kitchenware, superheroes in need of breathing space!

• In one episode of Rocko's Modern Life, Rocko announces the departments on each floor. Every floor sold "underpants".
• In the episode "Make Tracks" of The Transformers, Cosmos rescues an elevator full of people in freefall:
  Cosmos: First floor. Movie theaters, shoe stores, and fast food restaurants.
• Looney Tunes:
  • The short "Hare Conditioned", 1945:
    Bugs Bunny: Fifth floor! Rubber tires, sugar, bourbon, butter, and other picture postcards!^note A wartime joke about rationing and the rubber shortage.

"First floor: Acute asthma, anemia, arthritis, aches and apoplexy."
"Second floor: Beriberi, biliousness, bronchitis, bends and blind-staggers."
"Third floor: Colds, cramps, convulsions, corns, callouses, concussions and curvature of all kinds."
[later]
"Palsy, palpitations, pimples, pleurisy and p-neumonia."

• Aladdin: The Series has the Genie pull this off in one episode after rescuing the rest of the cast; "First floor, amazing rescues, ridiculous fight scenes and happy endings!"
• In the Ed, Edd n Eddy episode "3 Squares and an Ed", upon reaching the basement via Double-D's specially lubricated laundry chute, Eddy says:
  Eddy: Bottom floor: Dryer lint, paint cans, lonely socks, and mildew!
  [Edd lands through a different chute]
  Edd: ... and arachnids!
• In one episode of 101 Dalmatians: The Series, the puppies (and Spot) sneak into Cruella's enormous ride-through closet, which shuttles them along as a prerecorded voice points out the various sections along the way. And the last one listed is "lingerie".
• The Monkey King in Jackie Chan Adventures:
  "Third floor: housewares, ladies' undergarments, puppets!"
• Garfield in the Garfield and Friends segment "Ship Shape" occurring on a cruise ship.
  Garfield: Going up. Next floor: notions, lotions, oceans, commotions, and lasagna.
• TaleSpin: In "On a Wing and a Bear", Baloo does this when he works as an elevator operator at a department store after failing his pilot's test.
  Baloo: Second floor, ladies' lengerie. Third floor, cribs and bibs.

Sixteenth Floor: Real Life, Jobs, Household Supplies, Death, Taxes

• Marlon Brando, of all people, worked as an elevator operator. He quit because saying "lingerie" out loud embarrassed him.
• In order for blind people using an elevator to know what floor they are on, elevators generally give low pings as they cross floors they are not stopping at, and much louder ones when they do stop. Some elevators automatically announce the floor number.

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GOING UP!!