Nobody goes willingly into the wasteland. Nobody knows much about it, but everybody knows about the wolves - and those who violate the most holy decrees of the Blessed Church of McDonald's, they will be thrown into the Wasteland for the wolves to take - and nobody who suffers this fate has ever been seen again.
Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland is Carlton Mellick III's take on post-apocalyptic wasteland movies, his answer to Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior and the like. He swears he didn't mean for it to be a Furry book.
Barbarian Beast Bitches Of The Badlands is the sequel, followed by Pippi Of The Apocalypse.
This book contains examples of:
- Abusive Parents: Nova's dad, the chief of the Fry Guys, molested her when she was a teenager and then had her exiled before she could dispute his official report.
- Aerith and Bob: The four main McDonaldlander characters are named Daniel, Pete, Guy and Krall. The Warriors have an odd collection of names too, but in their case most of them are assumed ones anyway.
- Big Beautiful Man: The beauty ideal of McDonaldland is, for natural reasons, to look like you've eaten a lot of hamburgers. Daniel doesn't agree with it, but Talon recalls fondly how much in love she was with her "beautiful plump husband."
- Bizarro Fiction: It's a story of werewolf amazon bikers fighting the mutant soldiers of the McDonalds theocracy. Bizarre enough for ya?
- Bittersweet Ending: Daniel Did Not Get the Girl, a ton of innocent people died on all sides, and the basic situation with a parasite turning men into mutants and women into werewolves, both of whom are exiled by an oppressive government to form two feuding tribes in the wastelands, remains unchanged. On the bright side: two out of three factions are now led by a Reasonable Authority Figure and Guy is working on becoming one for the third one, meaning that social change and/or a cure for the parasite may be hoped for in the future, and Daniel actually ends up feeling happy about raising children with Pippi.
- Body Horror: The werewolves and mutants are the least of it - at least the werewolves are in transition from one natural state to another, and the mutants have regular human limbs, just a few more of them than usual. No, the real horror is Mayor McCheese, whose head has been surgically altered to look like a giant cheeseburger.
- Canis Major: The big sisters, huge monstrous wolves that used to be women of McDonaldland.
- Chainsaw Good: Captain Congun wields six of them in battle.
- Child Hater: Guy is proud of his children in a general sense but doesn't seem to know what to do with them, and he considers being assigned to be a nanny a fate worse than rape, torture and murder. He warms up to Ashley in a big way, though.
- Cool Old Guy: While he's a Posthumous Character, Grandpa Togg seems to have been the coolest old guy ever. Not only was he a rebel and freethinker in a dystopian society that deeply disapproved of it and inspired his grandson Daniel to follow in his footsteps, but after he was exiled he managed to become a respected figure in both outcast societies in turn, becoming the first male to ever become an honourary Warrior, and died happy at old age from natural causes as the lover and advisor of the badass old lady leader of the Warriors.
- Cool Versus Awesome: Talon versus Congun. One superpowered werewolf warrior woman with an axe fighting a six-armed mutant wielding a chainsaw in each hand. Did we mention that the fight takes place on the back of a giant hermaphroditic six-legged wolf?
- Does Not Like Men: The Wolf Girls, particularly Slayer and Pippi, prefer to treat men like slaves and refer to them as Meat. Nova is an exception, but only towards Daniel, and Slayer gets better after seeing some of the prisoners give up a chance at freedom to free some trapped Wolf Girls in a burning van.
- Double Standard: Sex in McDonaldland is strictly regulated, allowed only with special permits and only for procreation. Men have the option to masturbate to blow off steam, but women do not. Sometimes, though, men find masturbation to be inadequate, and will resort to rape. Rapists frequently go unpunished, because a woman reporting the rape would be admitting to illegal sexual activity (yes, it counts even if it was nonconsensual) and subject to being thrown to the wolves.
- Double Standard Rape: Female on Male: A mild example. The female-on-male rapes are described as pretty horrific, but they also have more than a hint of Fanservice to them, and Daniel himself seems to have mixed, confused feelings about them, including his own. Conversely, he regards male-on-female rape with pure horror and disgust, and it's described in chillingly clinical terms and always takes place off-stage.
- Dystopia Is Hard: McDonaldland looks invincible and self-sufficient to the common citizen, but it's actually suffering from increasing shortages and would have gone under by now if not for the Outlanders providing extra resources and trade with other surviving cities, not to mention keeping the Warriors at bay. And then the Outlanders succeed so well in fighting the Warriors that they decide that they should be the ones to run McDonaldland...
- Entitled to Have You: Pippi feels this way about Daniel. She caught him, therefore he's hers, no matter what either he or anyone else says about it. She actually gets him in the end.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Slayer, who had forgotten her birth name after being exiled and on her own for a year, was eventually found by the Wolf Girls and dubbed Bear Slayer because of her skill at hunting and killing bears. They shortened it to Slayer once they saw that she was skilled at hunting and killing lots of other things.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Pippi doesn't give a crap about most people, including her sisters, but she does care about Slayer. Subverted with Nova's father, who claims to care about her but didn't let that stop him from raping and exiling her for the supposed greater good.
- Evil Versus Evil: A tribe of psychotic werewolf bikers versus a sociopathic mutant militia force versus a dystopian MegaCorp. The Warriors are the least bad, while the Outlander leadership is the worst, but all three are pretty awful. At the same time, all three factions have good people in them who are just trying to survive under harsh circumstances.
- Fantastic Slurs: The Outlanders refer to the Warriors as "the Bitches." The Warriors return the favour by referring to the Outlanders as "the Meat."
- Fat Bastard: Everyone in McDonaldland, a logical result from eating exclusively McDonald's food for one's entire life.
- Fur Bikini: Nova has one, but in this case it's just the pattern her own fur grew in.
- He-Man Woman Hater: Krall's fathers were this and raised him to be the same, though he eventually moved past it. Pete is technically this, though he doesn't so much hate women as fear them terribly.
- I'm a Humanitarian: A really weird example here. The women, as they turn into wolves, start to see men as a source of food as well as sexual pleasure and procreation, but this can be excused as them giving into their more savage nature. Then Daniel discovers that a band of mutants called the Outsiders has been supplementing the meat supply of McDonaldland. How? They capture the Wolf Girls, rape them until they become big sisters, and then covert them into nu-wolves, headless, mindless meat factories similar in concept to the nu-cows and nu-chickens. They sell the nu-wolf meat back to McDonaldland, whose authorities apparently don't know or don't care where the meat is coming from.
- Individuality Is Illegal: All McDonaldlanders are supposed to try to be as identical as possible, including all dressing only in the state-endorsed colours of red and yellow. Daniel takes a stubborn pride in being covertly unique to rebel against this, even liking his extra mutant arms for this reason even though he would get exiled if they were discovered.
- Inherent in the System: The parasite makes it very, very difficult for men and women to live together without either side ending up oppressing the other. The ending holds out some hope for change, but only in the long term.
- Last Bastion: McDonaldland is the last trace of human civilisation. Subverted - there are actually plenty of other surviving communities of varying size and in fact McDonaldland wouldn't have lasted this long if it hadn't been covertly trading with some of them. The Blessed McDonalds Corporation just prefers to keep that fact from its subjects.
- A Lighter Shade of Black: The Warriors, who for all the terrible things they do at least have the Freudian Excuse that they didn't ask to be exiled from the city for things that often weren't their fault (in many cases, they were literally exiled for the "crime" of being raped) and who are just trying to survive and be true to themselves. The Outlanders might have been able to make the same claim once, but these days their leadership is even more outrageously evil and corrupt than McDonaldland's self-serving board of directors, whereas the Warrior leader shows herself to be fair and impartial in enforcing their laws.
- MegaCorp: McDonald's has taken over every single aspect of society in the kingdom of McDonaldland.
- Mirroring Factions: The Warriors and the Outlanders both first rape and then eat members of the opposite faction they capture. The Warriors are more savage and brutal about it, though Daniel reflects that the Outlanders' clinical approach is actually the more horrifying one to him.
- Multi-Armed and Dangerous: Daniel Togg, the narrator, has a second pair of arms that he must keep hidden when he is in public. He soon discovers that a lot of other people also suffer from additional limbs.
- My Girl Is Not a Slut: November and Slayer were exiled for events that happened out of their control. November was supposedly raped at gunpoint, while Slayer happened to have an overly-large clitoris that caused things like walking in tight pants or riding a bicycle to stimulate her sexually.
- Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: The Warriors were perfectly content to let the Outlanders kill off the McDonaldlanders for them, until the Outlanders, expecting the Warriors to ally with the McDonaldlanders, attacked the Warriors and butchered most of them, getting the survivors angry enough to perform exactly the Enemy Mine that they were worried about in the first place.
- No Man Left Behind: Usually played straight by the Wolf Girls, but Pippi subverts it during a Fry Guy ambush when she is ready to leave her rival November to be captured by the mutants. Daniel and several of his fellow prisoners play it straight, though, giving up a chance for freedom to free some Wolf Girls trapped in a burning van.
- "Not If They Enjoyed It" Rationalization: Pippi invokes this when she ceremonially rapes Daniel in an attempt to induce her change into a Big Sister, instructing him to moan as loud as she does in order to piss off Daniel's ex-girlfriend (and true love) Nova.
- Our Werewolves Are Different: All women of McDonaldland start turning into wolves after they engage in any sexual activity, even masturbation. Although the condition is called lycanthropy, it is purely genetic, it is not controlled by the moon, it is not transmitted by a bite, it does not happen all at once, and the transformation is irreversible. As the changes progress, the women start to give in to their more animal instincts, and most start dressing in red and yellow burkas to hide their changes (except for younger, more progressive mothers, though displaying feral features so openly is considered low-class). Eventually, when the wolflike features become too pronounced, the women are captured and exiled outside the walls - which is why there are so many wolves out there. The changes continue outside, and the women get bigger and more wolfy until you have wolves with the occasional hominid feature like breasts or humanlike legs, big enough to eat a van and use a standard human male as a dildo.
- Psychopathic Womanchild: Pippi is notably immature, completely selfish and really enjoys killing things.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: Daniel's co-worker Pete.
- Sex Is Evil: Because of the genetic condition described in Our Werewolves Are Different above, sex became illegal in McDonaldland. One may only engage in sexual activity if you have a permit issued by the McDonaldland Board of Directors, which is issued only if you are married and only have sex to procreate. It's only good for five days, whether or not pregnancy results. If the wolf-like features are not too obvious, you can apply for a second permit in a few years, under the same terms. Only the upper class may apply for a third permit, although this is rare.
- Sex Is Violence: The general philosophy of the wolf girls towards their captured men. They might rape them. They might maul them. They might kill and eat them. They might eat them without killing them first. One of them rapes a guy twice and then eats him.
- You Sexy Beast: A strange case here. The women of McDonaldland develop wolflike features, bit by bit, every time they engage in any sexual activity at all. As they become more wolflike, their sex drive increases accordingly and their sexual frustration grows. After they are exiled from the city, they hunt down any men (generally other exiles) who come out to the wasteland and either eat them or rape them. Or possibly both.
