Vampires (also stylized as Vampire$) is an Urban Fantasy novel by John Steakley. Vampire$, Inc. is a small group of hardy individuals who will solve your vampire problem for you in return for a monetary consideration. (They generally make a point of capturing at least one vampire intact and not finishing it off until the cash arrives, in case anybody gets the bright idea that it's no longer necessary to pay them now the vampires are gone.) Early in the novel, the hunters destroy a nest of vampires who, unknown to them, are minions of a vampire mastermind, and shortly thereafter they find themselves going from vampire hunters to vampire hunted.
The character focus is initially on the leader of Vampire$, Inc., Jack Crow, but later shifts to an old acquaintance of his named Felix who joins the group partway through the novel, finding in vampire hunting a use for a gift that has plagued him his entire life: he has perfect gunfighter's instincts, and is incapable of firing a gun at anything and not scoring a direct hit — which sounds good, except that he's not a homicidal maniac and his perfect gunfighter's instincts have no grasp of the concept of "shoot to wound".
Vampires inspired the film John Carpenter's Vampires, which takes the basic concept of a group of professional vampire hunters attracting the attention of a big bad vampire and runs with it in a completely different direction.
Vampires provides examples of:
- Apologetic Attacker: In a flashback story, Felix is genuinely sorry and heartbroken that he has to gun down every one of his drug running friends, to stop them from killing a DEA agent (Jack) as an initiation test to join a cartel. It doesn't stop him, though.
- Badass Normal: As you would expect from a group who hunt vampires for a living. Even Carl, the Gadgeteer Genius, is pretty badass, inflicting a lot of damage on the vampires when they corner him alone in his workshop and murder him. He doesn't survive, but he sure as hell makes the monsters work for it.
- Blessed with Suck: Felix is the best marksman in the world. The "suck" part is that his natural shooting skills are always shooting to kill.
- Bittersweet Ending: Heavy on the bitter. Of the original team, only Cat is still alive; new recruits Father Adam and Deputy Kirk were also killed along the way. Jack Crow let himself be killed and turned into a vampire, who Felix leads into a trap and kills. For the "sweet" part, Felix, Cat, and Davette (formerly The Mole) form the core of a new team, Davette and Felix are married (by the freakin' Pope, no less), and the team, strengthened by several new members, sets off to train at a custom facility in South America before taking up the quest again. But it's heavily implied that there can be no final victory, vampires will always exist somewhere, and this team, like all those before, are eventually doomed to heroic deaths.
- Bully Hunter: Jack, who has been arrested in extremely dubious circumstances, takes great pleasure in first baiting a jerkass cop into opening the cell door thinking Jack was easy prey, and then bouncing the cop off every available surface in the room before tossing him in the cell in his place.
- Deconstructed Character Archetype: The Gunslinger, with Felix. His capacity to never miss unfortunately doesn't comes with a "stun" mode, so to speak. He will always shoot to kill, in spots that guarantee an Instant Death Bullet, even if he doesn't wants to. Which means that he's useless if it's a situation where you need to Shoot the Hostage or perform any of the regular "non-lethal" types of trick shots.
- The Leader, with Jack. We see, via his internal dialogue, that Jack is really just making a lot of stuff up as he goes, has no longer term plans beyond "hunt vampires until they kill me", and puts on a commanding air to hide the truth that he's scared to death half the time.
- Despair Event Horizon: Jack Crow struggles with the fear that the vampires will inevitably win in the end; eventually, he loses hope and commits suicide-by-vampire.
- Fantastic Catholicism: The Catholic Church is directly involved in vampire-smiting. Father Adam, a young priest, joins the team as The Smart Guy.
- Improbable Aiming Skills: Justified and deconstructed with Felix. Averted with Cat, who can hit the side of a barn, but only from inside.
- In Love with the Mark: The Mole falls for Felix when they meet, which is a major factor in her High-Heel–Face Turn.
- Ironic Name: Felix ("happy, fortunate") is The Eeyore of the cast and is Blessed with Suck.
- Kill It with Fire: In the climax, the team manages to kill a master vampire at night (normally unthinkable, since they usually rely on dragging vampires out of their lair to where the sun will kill them) by pinning it down with crossbow bolts, perforating it repeatedly with silver bullets, and finally hitting it with gasoline-filled balloons and setting it on fire.
- Lucky Charms Title: Vampire$
- The Mole: A beautiful blonde reporter seeks Jack out shortly after his team was decimated by the master vampire. It's revealed that the vampire sent her to infiltrate and betray them. Luckily she is away from his influence long enough to break her conditioning and join the team for real.
- Mythology Gag: "Jack Crow" and "Felix" are also the protagonists of Steakley's previous novel, Armor. Vampire$ Felix has nightmares of being chased by endless hordes of enemies, which happens to his counterpart; he also owns the "Antwar Saloon" (the interstellar conflict in Armor is the Ant War). However, the author's note states quite clearly thatThis Felix is no other Felix. This Jack Crow is no other Jack Crow.
- This Jack also repeats some of the same insights as his counterpart, for example his observation that "Bullies don't want to fight you, they just want to beat you up."
- Revolvers Are Just Better: Deputy Kirk used a revolver (.44 Magnum to be precise).
- Silver Bullet: Specifically, bullets made from a blessed silver crucifix. They don't kill vampires outright, but they do hurt like a bitch, leave wounds that don't heal, and cripple the vampires with pain. In combination with wooden crossbow bolts (effectively stakes), they can actually kill a weaker vamp, the bullets putting it in so much pain that it can't pull the stakes out in time.
- Team Mom: Annabelle, who stays out of the vampire hunts but patches up the menfolk and arranges everything they need by way of food and lodging. When she is injured and in the hospital after a vampire attack, she commits suicide via overdose rather than let her boys die trying to protect her, triggering Jack's Despair Event Horizon.
- Who You Gonna Call?: Vampire$, Inc.
