"The End of the Pier Show" is a short story by Kim Newman, the first published story in the Diogenes Club series. It is set in the early 1970s.
Undercover policeman Fred Regent's investigation of a criminal skinhead gang takes an unexpected turn when the entire gang is wiped out by inhuman creatures in an abandoned seaside amusement arcade. The Diogenes Club, in the person of Richard Jeperson and the glamorous Vanessa, investigates.
This work contains examples of:
- Cool Car: The Rolls Royce ShadowShark, only five of which were ever made — and Richard Jeperson owns three.
- Costume Porn: Richard Jeperson wears two different eye-searingly-1970s outfits in the course of the story, each described in loving detail. There's also a detailed description of Vanessa's outfit, and less detailed descriptions of the fashions sported by several supporting characters.
- Disco Dan: Brigadier Sir Giles Gallant and a committee of like-minded townsfolk attempt to restore the town to what they regard as the glory days of World War II. Too late they discover that they cannot bring back the good parts of the war without bringing back the bad parts as well.
- Ear Ache: Richard, Vanessa and Fred are hassled by a group of Skinheads at a roadside diner. Vanessa deals with one by grabbing his ear and twisting it till he falls out of his booth.
- Evil Reactionary: More misguided than evil, but Brigadier Sir Giles Gallant and a committee of like-minded townsfolk attempt to restore the town to what they regard as the glory days of World War II. Too late they discover that they cannot bring back the good parts of the war without bringing back the bad parts as well.
- Gone Horribly Right: A group of old veterans perform a spell to revive the old World War II spirit. The supernaturally-imposed wartime atmosphere comes complete with demonic Nazis.
- Hairpin Lockpick: When Richard, Vanessa, and Fred are locked up by the Committee, Richard borrows one of Vanessa's hairpins and picks the lock.
- Impossibly Tacky Clothes: Just reading about the retina-blistering color combinations of Richard's 1970s outfits can make readers' eyes water.
- Murderous Mannequin: Caricature mannequins of the Nazi high command, in a display on the pier, come to life and attack.
- Naïve Newcomer: For the first story in the series, the viewpoint character is Fred, who's just discovering that the supernatural is real and that the Diogenes Club exists.
- Nazi Zombies: The skinhead gang that Fred was originally supposed to infiltrate is killed by the evil forces at the pier and resurrected as zombies, with each one dressed in a different sort of Nazi uniform.
- Nostalgia Ain't Like It Used to Be: A group of old veterans have used magic to force an old seaside town to be as it was during the war because they don't like modern times and preferred the war, when everyone 'pulled together' and things were 'much better'. Curiously, the 'modern times' they can't get the hang of are the 1970s, and the hero bluntly tells them that whilst the decade isn't perfect, they have to suck it up and move on; they have no right to force their outdated ways on the present just because they can't get the hang of decimalisation. He also notes that in their rosy-eyed view of the war years, they've conveniently forgotten the rather nasty group of people over the channel who were the whole reason for the war in the first place — and who also have a presence in their little fantasy-land...
- Only One Name: Vanessa.
- Past Right Now: In the 1970s, a small seaside town is being artificially kept as it was during World War II. Unfortunately, those responsible are about to be taught a very painful lesson: namely, if you choose to live in the past, you do not get to choose only the good bits of that past.
- The Power of Rock: The spell covering the town and creating the Demon Nazis is weakened and ultimately broken by Jeperson arranging to have Let It Be and Abbey Road played through the town's civil defence system. Fred Regent muses privately that in his opinion The Beatles have been going downhill since Revolver but, given that it's breaking the spell, concedes that maybe there's something to the "Maharishi Music-hall stuff."
