The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is a comedic novel by Matthew D. Catania. Ostensibly a translation of a series of obscure 14th-century pamphlets that Catania found in the basement of his college library, they recount the journey of Brother Banenose, a Franciscan monk, as he embarks on a quest to visit his cousin and instead blunders into the middle of a plot by a talking Anubis baboon. Along for the ride is a witch named Fairuza, who has vowed to eat a god, a warrior woman named Stephfi, and Norbert and Bear Boy, the former a false swineherd who blundered his way into a crown and his long-suffering serving boy.
This books contains examples of:
- A God Am I: After eating the Hangnail of Christ, Fairuza becomes a living god. She raises an army of beasts to kill every living thing in the Idyllic Land of Bliss except herself and Banenose, then levels the kingdom. She then restores Stephfi to life and sends Banenose back to his monastery before leaving for parts unknown.
- All Gays are Promiscuous: While she professes Stephfi to be the love of her life, Fairuza also tries at least once to seduce Banenose and has unnatural relations with Incitatus.
- Alliterative Name: Protagonist Brother Banenose and antagonist Friar Fishbane.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: At one point, Fairuza gets bored and decides to have sex with her steed, Incitatus, which she forces Bear Boy to commemorate in the form of a wood carving.
- Bury Your Gays: Subverted; Stephfi is killed by Fishbane at the climax of the book, but is restored to life by her lover Fairuza at the end, after the latter becomes a Physical God.
- Country Matters: Norbert calls Fairuza a cunt several times in the novel, usually after she has injured him.
- Groin Attack: In the climax, Norbert gets bitten on the crotch, apparently losing his manhood in the process.
- Incorruptible Pure Pureness: No matter how bad things get for him, Banenose never loses his faith.
- MacGuffin: Early in the book, the Anubis baboon steals the Hangnail of Christ, the sacred relic of Banenose's monastery.
- Sex Starts, Story Stops: Happens several times, with Fairuza having sex with Stephfi several times and having unnatural relations with Incitatus at one point. There's also a scene early on where Norbert has sex with a dryad.
- Ye Olde Butchered English: The book abounds in enough poorly-written attempts at medieval English to make a medieval scholar want to open their wrists. Catania attributes these mistakes to the difficulty of trying to translate multiple foreign languages, although the mistakes are almost certainly deliberate.
