"You" have bought what seems to be a costume called "Vampire in a Can", which seems cheap and cheesy. But there's a packet in the can full of a substance that can turn whomever ingests it into a real vampire, be it you or your poodle. Now you must find a cure for yourself, or stop your dog from wreaking havoc before it's too late.
It was reissued in the Classic Goosebumps line in 2015 as a tie-in to the first movie, and as of 2018 is the only GYG book to be included in that line. Fifi the vampire poodle and Countess Yvonne from this book notably had a cameo in the film.
Please Don't Feed the Vampire! provides examples of:
- Accidental Murder: Your mom can accidentally kill you when she pulls up the blinds in your room.
- Ambiguous Syntax: The guide to curing vampirism says "Drink garlic water no more and eat nothing", but due to the lack of punctuation, you and your friend Gabe disagree on whether the first part means "drink nothing but garlic water" or "drink garlic water no longer."
- Bittersweet Ending: There's an ending in which you are stuck as a vampire forever but you learn to deal with it, get a job working night shifts, and eventually fall in love with another vampire and live a happy (eternal) life with them. Twilight (2005) anyone?
- Big Damn Heroes: The vampire poodle storyline have a scene where you end up being chased by hordes of angry vampire dogs, led by your vampirized poodle Fifi. If you hold out long enough, your friend Gabe, who told you he have a great idea via phone, will come to your rescue. As it turns out, Gabe went to the same store you bought the "Vampire in a Can" and found a similar item called "Dog in a Can", which turns out to be dog biscuits that have a similar effect to the "vampiric blood" from the former item, which in this case reverse the vampiric effects in dogs. Within a few minutes, you're surrounded by dozens and dozens of friendly, un-vampirized dogs from all over the neighbourhood.
- Buried Alive: One bad ending have you choosing to avoid vampires by hiding in an open grave, only for some unseen entity fill it up with you inside.
- "Could Have Avoided This!" Plot: The very premise of the adventure is kicked off when you come across a mysterious packet filled with red liquid in your "Vampire in a Can" set, which you assume to be fake blood, and unable to tear the plastic packaging open, you either choose to tear it with your teeth (resulting in vampiric blood entering your mouth) or your poodle Fifi snatching the packet from you (which ends up turning Fifi into a vampire poodle). All which could have been avoided if you remembered to use a pair of scissors instead.
- Diabolus ex Machina: This book has an ending which reveals the whole thing to be a Halloween prank thrown by your family into tricking you into believing you're turning into a vampire; your missing reflection is caused by swapping your bedroom mirror with a Halloween prop that casts no reflection and your constant thirst for blood is the result of spiking your drink with a special but harmless chemical, and your parents actually planned all of these in advance to surprise you. Relieved, you then tuck yourself in for a delicious Halloween-themed dinner... only for your family to reveal THEY are actual vampires, the whole time.
- Disproportionate Retribution: The subplot with you deciding to become a vampire have you attempting to kill a class bully just because he called you names.
- "Eureka!" Moment: Invoked in the "Dog in a Can" ending of the vampire poodle storyline. When Gabe explains about his idea, you tell him to give you one of the biscuits, explaining that you want be a dog for Halloween. (It's not explained how you intend to turn back if there's only one biscuit left)
- Face–Heel Turn: One of the story branches from the first storyline have you deciding that you like being a vampire. You're pretty lousy at it, though.
- Failure Is the Only Option: In the second storyline, if you decide to answer the phone, you can only get bad endings from that point on (as well as the "wimp" one).
- Moon Logic Puzzle: You have been turned into a vampire and are faint from lack of blood. You are trapped in a room with other vampires who start drinking from the Dracula Expy. You can either try to escape while they're distracted, or drink some of the blood (not an unreasonable choice to make, since your character is now a vampire and needs blood.) But if you pick the latter, the next page abruptly breaks the fourth wall, assuming YOU in the real world want to drink someone's blood; and tells you to put the book down and stop being creepy.
- Nice Guy: Gabe, your bestie in this adventure, is notably one of the nicer supporting characters, actively helping you whether you or your poodle gets vampirized, from giving you advice and tips on coping with vampirism (first storyline) or saving you from a pack of vampire dogs (second). In fact, the first story's sub-plot where you decide to go Face–Heel Turn and embrace being a vampire and target your class bully had Gabe trying to warn said bully before you can get him... only to be killed by a different vampire for doing the right thing.
- Non-Standard Game Over:
- Refusing to ring your neighbor's doorbell leads to you being told you are too much of a wimp for the story to go on any more.
- Choosing to actually drink blood has the book insult you, tell you that drinking blood isn't normal, and end the story there. (Although, in context, it's a reasonable decision; by this stage, your character is a vampire and becoming weak through lack of blood.)
- Raising the Steaks: One of the scenarios have your vampirized poodle, Fifi, biting several dogs in the neighbourhood, resulting in you being pursued by hordes and hordes of angry vampire dogs.
- Taught by Television: If you decide that you liked being a vampire, your friend then suggest to learn the basics by watching a vampire movie. It doesn't work though, the moment the vampire in the film bites someone onscreen, you end up losing your shit and nearly breaks down your door.
- This Loser Is You: There's an ending where, if you refuse to ring a neighbor's doorbell and ask your friend to do it, you are told the story has ended because you are simply too much of a wimp for it to go on any further.
- Vampire Episode: This book is centered around either the reader or the reader's pet poodle becoming a vampire.
- Vampires Hate Garlic: The storyline where you liked being a vampire have you choosing to attack a neighbour you hate, just for shits and giggles. Unfortunately, your neighbour happens to have garlic bread for lunch, knocking you out before you can attack her.
- Vegetarian Vampire: One ending where you decide to embrace being a vampire have you choosing to live off blood from raw steak. It works.
- With Friends Like These...: In one bad ending, your instincts as a vampire took over yourself completely, at which point you claim your first and nearest victim, your best friend Gabe.
