No Coins, Please is a 1984 middle grade comedy book by Gordon Korman. It tells the story of Rob and Dennis, two teenagers and a group of younger boys who they are hired to take on a road trip as part of a mobile summer adventure experience. One of the younger boys, Artie Geller, is an opportunistic entrepreneur/con artist who has a new moneymaking racket at every new stop and eventually begins dragging his companions into the chaos.
Tropes in this book
- Break the Haughty: One of Artie's rackets involves betting on a toy car race with lots of randomly switching obstacles in front of the Washington D.C. Capitol Building. One Congressman confidently bets on a race because he thinks he can win and teach Artie a lesson about gambling. The cars he bets on fail to finish a single race until he is down to the last of his money and is desperately begging for a win, at which point Artie helps his damaged car finish the race out of sympathy for how haggard the man is.
- Companion Cube: One of Artie's rackets is selling ordinary jars of jelly that he calls "Attack jelly" and manipulates people into thinking there is something special about it worth buying.
- Farmer's Daughter: Two of the many girls Rob and Dennis briefly try to romance are the pretty daughters of a farmer whom Artie rents cows to use in conning tourists into entering milking competitions at misleading fees.
- Mean Boss: Mr. Butcher, the tour company owner, refuses to let Rob and Dennis explain themselves anytime something goes wrong and insults them for being Canadian. He's also a Child Hater who admits to only being in the business for the money.
- One-Tract Mind: One of the boys on the tour, Sheldon, will almost never say anything except how cool he thinks his neighbor and surrogate big brother Pete is.
- Refuge in Audacity: A big part of Artie's schemes. His "attack jelly" pitch is so blatantly ridiculous that people buy it simply out of admiration for his showmanship.
- Riddle for the Ages: After the group has been harassed through most of the book by the obnoxious "Road Hogs" group, Artie puts on his tuxedo, goes to visit the Road Hogs' tent, and after he leaves, the Road Hogs are all friendly and polite. Artie refuses to say how he talked them around, except that he claims he didn't threaten them and he didn't bribe them.
- Same Story, Different Names: Rob and Dennis's dynamic as a brash hothead who never plans ahead and his voice of reason loyal best friend is similar to many other duos from Korman's earlier writing career, particularly Bruno and Boots from Macdonald Hall.
- Sharp-Dressed Man: Artie always wears a tuxedo when carrying out his schemes.
- Taxman Takes the Winnings: Artie spends his road trip across the country engaging in half-a-dozen get-rich-quick schemes. The book ends with the FBI catching up to Artie and reciting a Long List of about forty illegal things he's done (not paying any taxes, not getting a license or health inspection for his milking business, using an abandoned factory as a disco without permission of its owners, selling liquor without a license, failing to pay utility bills etc.). They agree to drop the charges if Artie makes restitution, leaving him with a profit of just $2.96 from his combined hustles.
- Young Entrepreneur: Artie Geller has a new business venture in every place they visit, including but not limited to: selling ordinary jars of jelly on the streets of New York City as "Attack Jelly," charging tourists in a small rural town to try and get their own milk from a cow, taking bets on a toy car race on Capitol Hill, and turning a nearly-abandoned Denver factory into an exclusive disco.
