"Feminine Endings" is a short story by Neil Gaiman. In a love letter from a living statue to a woman patron, the narrator describes how they came to fall for the woman, and how they want to declare their true feelings.
Tropes for this short story include:
- Ambiguous Gender: Lampshaded in the text; the narrator as a statue in their native language they are referred to as "she" due to the word "statue" having a feminine ending.
- The Calls Are Coming from Inside the House: A rare written form. What starts off as an cute love letter written by someone whose first language is not English to the object of their affections gradually grows creepier as the text reveals that they are not just an admirer, but a Stalker with a Crush. The final paragraph reveals that they are standing in the room with her—immobile and unseen—watching her read the letter.
- Chekhov's Skill: The narrator's ability to sit still, and blend in with their environment, during their statue job. They were able to blend in with the woman's apartment surroundings, to watch her while she read their letter.
- Crazy Jealous Guy: The statue, for all their flowery language, is enraged to learn that the woman had sex with someone. It doesn't matter who it was.
- Entitled to Have You: It's revealed the narrator is so "in love" with their patrons that they get angry on learning she had sex with someone else.
- Green-Eyed Monster: The narrator is compelled to write the letter on examining the woman's panties and realizing she slept with someone else.
- No Ending: The story ends right when whoever reads the letter realizes that the woman is alone with the statue, in her room.
- The Password Is Always "Swordfish": The woman's computer password is her first name, which the author points is hardly very secure.
- Stalker with a Crush: Over the course of the story, the statue reveals that they have hacked into the woman's computer, to read her online journals, emails, and social media. They also have studied the contents of her laundry hamper, and the state of her clothes.
