And now, This Troper, with more Vital Information for your everyday life.
- Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue... And I'm partially color blind.
- Treat others the way you want to be treated. Unless you're a masochist, then it's considered assault.
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, who gives a crap?
- You can fool some people all the time, and you can fool all of the people some of the time, but that comb-over ain't foolin' anyone!
- Holding a door for a lady is a courtesy. Holding a lady for a door gets you maced.
- It is considered bizarre to cover yourself in sour cream, run out into the streets and yell, "I AM THE MIGHTY SOUR CREAMO! GIVE ME YOUR ONIONS AND CHIPS!"
- If your neighbor's dog poops on your lawn, your neighbor is an irresponsible pet owner. If your neighbor's dog poops on your face, remind me to NEVER ask about your weekend!
- Keep your elbows off the table... And my shoulder when I'm trying to watch the movie.
- When you go out to eat at a restaurant, and you need to give your server their tip, don't yell, "I got a tip for you: Stop being so ugly, and THEN I'll give you my money!"
- All roads lead to Rome. All jaywalkers lead to injury.
- If your feet smell and your nose runs, PLEASE respect my personal space!
- I scream, you scream, we all scream, and violate noise ordinances.
- Do you like Green Eggs and Ham? If so, you are SO getting food poisoning!
- If Alice has 8 apples, and she gives Bob 4 apples, socialism is infecting our children!
- Slow and steady wins the race, but if you snooze, you lose.
- A bad worksman blames his tools; a good worksman knew to get new ones that worked properly.
- 'Well, neither have you' is not the easy answer to every question.
- Give a man a duck, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to duck, and he'll avoid low-flying objects.
- Manners cost nothing, which makes them difficult to claim on expenses.
This has been This Troper With Vital Information.
