Just For Fun / TV Ttopes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock O

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1401. If I am involved in a war with someone, I shall not get involved in a secondary war at the same time. I shall finish my current war, before starting a second.
1402. If I am already involved in a war, but an ally of mine gets attacked, and requests aid, I shall send them material and supplies, and if I share a border with my ally's enemy, I shall simply increase the number of garrisons along the border, but issue orders that the forces are only to fight in defense, if attacked. Granted, my forces are not directly fighting my ally's enemy, but the supplies and material I send will aid my ally, and the fact that I have forces along the border will force their enemy to divert their own forces, in an attempt to protect themselves from me. I shall engage my ally's enemy in combat after crushing my current foe, or, if my ally defeats their foe, I shall ask them to return the favor, and help me.
1403. Of course, if the enemy I have is the same as my ally's, then by all means, I will see about helping my friend out, especially if they've been doing the same for me.
1404. Before deploying any vehicle (land, sea, air) for combat, I will have a inspector make sure they are all in working condition. You don't want your jets to have a huge dent when taking off.
1405. Before putting my evil plan into action, I will study economics. You don't want to crash your own economy thus making you vulnerable.
1406. Before employing the fallen hero or anything similar as part of my special forces, I will make sure he is 100% irredeemable as well as checking if he is a spy.
1407. A happy army will usually outperform a unhappy army, therefore I will be a father to all my man. Never underestimate the power of morale.
1408. A disciplined army will curbstomb the undisciplined army, therefore I will make sure my army is highly disciplined. After all, a good father has to teach his kids discipline.
1409. I shall make my mother's birthday a National Holiday, as well as my father's. My forces shall also have the day off on their respective mother and father's birthdays as well, or at least have the option of doing so. The same is true of those who were raised by two mommies or daddies, or were adopted.
1410. If my neighbor is trying to pull an Eviler Than Thou thing on me, and they truly are eviler than me, I shall arrange for there to be a rebellion seeking to overthrow them - I don't care if the leader of the rebellion is a hero or a lesser villain - and I shall aid them. Of course, if the rebellion is lead by a Hero, and if they ask if I am an Evil Overlord, I will be honest with them, but point out our common enemy, and tell them that I have no interest in taking the place over. Of course, this last part will depend on if I'm feeling generous or not.
1411. Likewise, after my eventual death, and it turns out that my Heir truly is eviler than me, and the advisers, and generals, and everyone else, is loyal to him, and even that resistance that I set up isn't resisting them, I shall be a Spirit Mentor to the one who can overthrow that despicable creature, and those traitors!
1412. My evil empire will have an epic theme song while the hero has the most lazy and boring theme song ever, this will give me the power of music. Plus killing things while playing epic music is awesome.
1413. I will tell the world that the rebels that are attacking me are crazy terrorist that are fighting for world domination. This will convince my powerful friends to send aid. By aid, I mean a curb stomp battle.
1414. I shall pair those who have conflicting viewpoints and personalities together, such as a By-The-Book sort with a Cowboy sort, or the guy whose only tactic is to charge at the enemy getting paired with the guy that thinks things through. This will force them to learn how to work together, to come up with results that get me victories, unlike pairing up like-minded sorts, who always fail.
1415. I will only use high grade materials and high grades tools. It will hurt my wallet but the benefits are amazing.
1416. I will put some money in reserve in case I need to call for professional help. By help I mean the hero killer.
1417. Low grade materials will be used for test runs and to achieve the necessary experience to work safely with the higher grade materials my Legions of Terror will need later.
1418. Back to the subject of burying would-be assassins in my garden - when it comes time to harvest the crop, or pick the flowers, that grew in the bed that the assassin is taking their dirt nap in, I shall invite the one that hired them over for a feast, along with the others who also tried to have me assassinated, with the food being served coming from the graves of these assassins, to say nothing about the flowers. I shall ask them each what they think about the different foods and flowers. Then, I shall tell them who all provided the fertilizer, and how. I shall then inform them that the food had been poisoned, to say nothing about the flowers that their wives had also sniffed, and I have the antidote, and force them to make a choice as to who dies - themselves, or their loved ones. Those who pick their loved ones to die shall be killed, while those who picked themselves to die will be spared, as the food won't be poisoned, but it will point out to me who has someone they'd be willing to die for. I will then tell the survivors that they owe their lives to me, and to not try to kill me again, or I'd kill their family next time.
1419. Unless there are at least seven digits in each, at no time will "666" figure in any index or code in my system. Likewise if "7" is the only digit in either. And especially not on combination locks!
1420. I shall never use the combination 1-2-3-4-5, for that is the kind of combination an idiot would use on their luggage! That reminds me - remember to change the combination on my luggage to 5-4-3-2-1 instead.
1421. Likewise, never use Swordfish as a password, although I don't know why anyone would even use it as a password in the first place, unless one fished for swords, or some such thing.
1422. I shall be Genre Savvy with every Genre, just in case there's a Genre Shift, or if I end up Time Traveling, or Book Traveling, or some such thing.
1423. If I take over a settlement, village, town, city, state, country, planet, galaxy, or whatever, I shall order my forces to refrain from engaging in unnecessary cruelty to the place's inhabitants. While it is important to remind them that we are in charge, and put down the occasional insurgent and rebel, the average person is to be left alone. It is one thing to execute someone who advocates violence and has killed my people, but it is another to kill someone for merely insulting my mother, although this won't stop me from breaking said insulter's jaw. It is one thing for the populace to fear me, but if that fear turns to hate, and hate turns to violence, it will prove difficult to exert real control over the place, and could inspire a wide-scale rebellion, that might end up overthrowing my rule, and all that I have worked for.
1424. If I am able to stop time then I will take full advantage of this power. Anyone that I am fighting will be granted a quick and painless death by decapitation or the closest equivalent, preventing them from using their dying moments to warn the other heroes, make a final strike against me, or otherwise inconvenience my plans. It might be fun to kill heroes with predicaments like a flurry of knives, a falling object, or a mortal injury that won't kill immediately, but death can't be assured in these circumstances and the heroes might still be able to escape. (All the caveats that apply to killing heroes and their allies still apply, of course). If I truly feel the need to screw around with my powers, I'll play the occasional harmless prank on the minions.
1425. If my ritual or device requires something rare but obtainable such as unicorn blood or a virgin sacrifice, I will prepare a modest stockpile before doing anything. If the designated sacrifice refuses to die for me it's okay; I have another half dozen lined up.
1426. I will personally see to the education and upbringing of all my heirs. Not only will they be worthy successors, I will ensure that their sibling bond will be strong enough to overcome any notion of infighting for the throne. Any bastard of mine will have to tussle with ALL of my legitimate children to take the Empire I worked so hard to build.
1427. I will consider the proper use and deployment of body doubles. Any public appearance will be a body double but so will the chap brooding on my throne AND the person barking orders in my War Room. I will be far away telling them what to do and say via magic or technology.
1428. I will never build a giant super weapon unless it is economically feasible for me to mass produce them quickly and efficiently. Subsequently, I will never let it be known that there is more than one of these lying around, so that should the hero successfully destroy it, their hopes will immediately be dashed when another twenty or so show up to blow the hero to kingdom come.
1429. If I do decide to build a giant super weapon, I will first make sure the funds aren’t needed elsewhere. After all, an empire with good infrastructure, a disciplined, highly effective army, and a happy populace is much harder to destroy than one lacking in any of those.
1430. If the hero manages to capture or destroy my giant super weapon, my lieutenants, engineers and I will take the time to study how the hero accomplished this. Then all other giant super weapons will receive upgrades to remove any weaknesses the hero exploited. And if the hero captured the weapon instead of destroying it, my forces will be trained to use the exact same methods as the hero to reaqcuire it.
1431. After installing all of the previously mentioned defenses for my fortress, I will launch constant attacks on the Hero's territory, so that he or she is too busy defending to actually test any of them.
1432. If one of my scientists or engineers is constantly maneuvering him/herself into a position where they are deemed invaluable, I will automatically assume they intend to sabotage my empire and are working with the hero. As such, the project they were working on will be immediately scrapped, and any plans, projects, or other information they may have been privy to I will personally either alter or destroy. Absolutely no one will know of this until after I have made the adjustments. Also, the same applies to all essential and non-essential members of my staff/forces.
1433. The aforementioned engineer/scientist will, unbeknownst to them, be implanted with a GPS tracker and exiled, so that I will always know their location, and they may unwittingly lead me to the resistance headquarters.
1434. I shall declare the Hero's Birthday to be a National Holiday - even they wouldn't dare to launch an attack on their own birthday if everyone else is celebrating it. I shall even invite them to the Big Party, and if they show up, I shall capture them! Of course, if they don't show up, there will be plenty of cake and ice cream, or the equivalent, for those who do show up.
1435. I shall take the whole Luke, I Am Your Father up to eleven and show just how everyone in the Resistance is related to a member of my organization! Granted, some of the connections might have to be fabricated, with the approval of those who work for me, but this will do a number of things, such as making the whole fight look like a family squabble, prevent people from joining the Resistance, and maybe cause them to leave. Of course, I do honestly hope that the leader/hero of the resistance isn't related to me or any of my top commanders, as that might cause an issue or two.
1436. Figure out how to rename pages and such, not only to throw off spies seeking to learn sensitive information about my latest projects, but to correct misspellings in the titles of said pages, like the whole rouge rogue thing - I don't want folks to laugh at me over such things, unless I intentionally want people to think that I'm talking about makeup and not about renegades.
1437. Locate the guy that titled this page, and ask them if they missed the "R" and hit the second "T" on purpose, or if they had to rush before the local Hero where they lived caught up to them, or if they were goofing off. If said Villain did this on purpose to misdirect the Heroes, I'll have a good laugh. If they had to rush because of a Hero, I will help them deal with that Hero. If they were just goofing off, I'll blow them away, because villainy is not a toy! Of course, if it was just an accident, I'll let them off with a warning, and tell them not to do it again.
1438. Instead of charging against the heroes like a headless chicken, I will teach my commanders a secret technique known as formations.
1439. Instead of wasting time destroying planets that are full of resources, I will instead take over them and begin extracting resources.
1440. If I am defeated, I will relocate to the "real world" and live a honest life. If the heroes find out where I am, I will simply call law enforcement.
1441. Instead of making 100 FT tall giant robots that will immediately get shot, I will instead develop power armour also known as Exo-suits.
1442. I will live in a realm where Surprisingly Realistic Outcome ensues every single second.
1443. Under no circumstances will I or my forces engage in extremist behavior. This will only further alienate potential allies and strengthen the rebellion. Simultaneously, I will do everything in my power to make the heroes resort to acts of increasing extremism. This will further alienate their own allies and weaken the rebellion by making themselves out to be the villains.
1444. I will make use of the Xanatos Gambit as much as possible. It may be fun to let the heroes have a victory every once in a while, but I did not get to be Overlord through sheer luck nor a childish need to sate boredom.
1445. I shall know when to retreat. While I might have reserves, if the number of men I am losing is not worth the amount of ground I am gaining, I shall order a Tactical Withdrawl, but as my men retreat, they shall make the enemy pay for the ground that they gain. It is better to lose the battles, but win the war, than to win the battles, but lose the war. Of course, if it looks like I am winning once again, I shall order my men to hold their ground, as the location that they are at might turn defeat into victory. I can then either order my men to attack once more, or to continue the retreat.
1446. If in a restaurant, or a pub, or any other establishment, which I had planned to rob with my crew, turns out to be a hangout for Local Law Enforcement, I shall take the Biggest Guy in the place hostage. There are three reasons for this: 1 - The person is possibly a Paper Tiger, who will undoubtedly mess their pants, but won't be any threat to me or my crew. 2 - The person might be a Gentle Giant, and so long as I don't mess with their friends, will do the Play-Along Prisoner act, long enough for me and my crew to get out of the place, at which point, I'll let them go. 3 - The person might actually be a criminal with a higher bounty upon his head than what me and my crew have - I will simply declare that I'd traveled half the country looking for them, as a Bounty Hunter, take him to the Local Law Enforcement Officers, and ask for them to send the bounty to some little old lady that I know could use the money, and then, in any case, get out of there!
1447. If I and/or my scientists are performing biological/genetic experiments, we will first ensure that we are the first to do it, and if not, acquire the research that was already done. Even if it failed or was abandoned, using someone else’s work as a foundation for mine will make my research that much easier.
1448. My scientists and I will also plan for every conceivable result of the experiment. Even if (and especially if) the experiment’s success takes us into uncharted waters, it will be far easier to deal with the potential consequences thereof if we’ve already considered it happening and planned accordingly.
1449. I will establish a Tactical ops centre and appropriate assets. Do I even need to explain to you why this is important?
1450. I will not place my commanders or other important personal at the front of the battle. Instead, they will be in a tactical room making sure my armies don't get slaughtered.
1451. My head of intelligence will not be my best spy. Again, do I need to explain why this is important?
1452. I will influence the butt-monkey to become a fallen hero and work for me.
1453. I shall give Conscientious Objectors a chance to show their real bravery, by assigning them to non-combat positions, such as first responders, firefighters, and engineers. Maybe they ain't much good at fighting, for whatever reason, but it does take courage to rescue the wounded, fight fires, and build stuff, all while under enemy fire.
1454. Unless there is a genuine reason behind their protests, Moral Guardians will not be considered for hiring, even as mere Cannon Fodder. They are just too evil. In fact, I will have such people shot out of a cannon, into a wall of spikes, with such remains fed to my Man-Eating monstrosity, which will then be given Pepto-Bismo for any issues they might have from eating such evil people.
1455. Every single outside door on my base will have the hinges on the outside so that they open out into the street. One, The Hero won't be able to just kick it in, and two, if he uses another method, I will know if there has been any tampering.
1456. If I am at some establishment with some buddies (old friends, henchmen, sidekicks, friendly enemy) and women, or men, start throwing themselves at me, but I'm already involved with someone, I shall politely say "No, but thank you." I will then point out my companions, and point out that the one is available, and is even better than I am, especially in a certain area.
1457. While I hope the situation never occurs, if I live on a world where the balance between Good and Evil must be maintained, and it turns out that Evil has been Too Good at getting rid of Good, and the world is at risk of being destroyed, I shall make the Ultimate Betrayal, and become a Hero, in order to save the world.
1458. If I run a business as a front for my criminal enterprise, I shall see to it, that the Front, aside from being owned by me, is legitimate, and can even stand on its own, with no help from my criminal enterprise, if need be. It will even be run, more or less, honestly. For instance, if my Front is a Construction Company, that makes homes for middle-income families, I shall see to it that each house is up to code, and that's without having to resort to bribery, and I won't skimp on the building materials - meaning no el cheapo plywood floors that 6-year old kids could fall through, and thus get me sued over. It is one thing to kill a rival criminal boss, and get arrested for it, but it is even worse to get caught because some kid had an accident that got me sued, even if the kid wasn't too badly hurt, and thus got me investigated further.
1459. If it turns out that my Legitimate Front Businesses are far more successful than my criminal enterprise, it might be a good idea to drop the criminal side, and go straight, at least for a time. I can always fall back on the criminal business if my front goes belly-up.
1460. Any commanding officers in my army will be taught that "no plan survives contact with the enemy," and will be forced to learn how to improvise. Any officers who continue to stick to the plan even when it's obvious the plan will fail will be demoted immediately, if not executed on the spot.
1461. I will bear in mind that the LBGQT+ community is a thing and will know the orientation of both the heroes and my guards, and make sure to assign them accordingly should I manage to capture the heroes.
1462. If I discover a hero's hometown, I will not immediately order the town to be destroyed. This never works and will give the hero a grudge. Instead, I will take the town over as peacefully as possible and give the people there the best possible treatment, thus blunting the hero's desire to come after me.
1463. Alternately, this treatment will instead be extended to the families of the hero's allies, thus blunting their desire to aid the hero in his quest to destroy me.
1464. If the Balance Between Good and Evil is necessary to the health of the world, me and my opposite, as well as our respective allies and minions, shall have an understanding that, in the event of a big battle, the Victor shall allow the Vanquished to retreat, so that they, as well as my own forces, can replenish their respective numbers.
1465. If the Balance Between Good and Evil is necessary to the health of the world, neither side should brainwash members of the other, at least on a permanent basis - a little bit of temporary mind control and memory alteration is one thing, but Free Will is the most important thing a person can have.
1466. If a group of heroes have set out to unleash Good into the world, in order to save it, I shall allow them to do so, and might even help them. I might not like it, but I'd rather deal with Good being around, as opposed to the world being destroyed.
1467. Do not commit any unnecessary War Crimes. While it is true that collateral damage tends to be unavoidable, blowing up the hospital that the Hero is healing up at, and killing over a hundred doctors and patients, tends to lead to greater backlash than blowing up a military base that has a couple thousand soldiers being housed at said base.
1468. Shoot that idiot that is adding to Cellblock P, before Cellblock O is completely used. In fact, shoot the idiot that made the page before it was needed.
1469. While Romero-type zombies, and other similar undead that spread through bites, should be avoided at all costs, sentient free-thinking zombies, such as those of Discworld, can be safely employed by my forces, providing that I give them a needle and thread to sew themselves up with.
1470. While having a million soldiers marching around the country side is a way to display just how powerful my forces are, it is more practical to have most of them work secondary jobs, such as farming, factory positions, and other such things which might not be glamorous, but are necessary.
1471. Do not fall into Black-and-White Insanity - Just as the Hero is capable of doing Good Deeds, and I am capable of doing Evil Deeds, the reverse holds true for both of us - I can do Good Deeds, and they can do Evil Deeds.