Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock Y

Visit the main dungeon here.

2401. If I'm a minion, and the Boss doesn't care about the deaths of my fellow minions; ditch them right quick, if possible. It's one thing if there was meaning behind it and he cares for the well-being of me and my troops, but when he doesn't or otherwise stops caring? I'm out. I might even let the Hero know where he is!
2402. If I'm a minion, and the Boss cares about me and mine, then by all means, fight to the death for him.
2403. I will keep track of why people are fighting my troops. If it turns out that the sole "crime" a so-called hero has against my reign is fighting off every attempt by my armies and/or bounty hunters to defeat him, and otherwise can't be bothered to interfere in my plans, I will consider leaving him alone rather than turning him into a perpetual resource drain and potential rallying symbol for any resistance forces.
2404. Anyone caught giving an inspirational speech to my enemies will be shot, on the spot, without warning; especially so if the speaker is an outsider and/or the crowd consists of prisoners. After this, the entire crowd who heard the part of the speech that was said will be immediately executed as well, unless I must keep them alive for one reason or another, in which case they will receive an appropriate punishment for listening to that traitor.
2405. Any guard who refuses to dole out a punishment will find themselves on the receiving end of such punishment, along with the prisoner they refused to give it to. This guard will then be imprisoned far away from the prisoner he refused to punish. If the punishment must be carried out one person at a time, the prisoner will go first and the guard will be restrained so that he is unable to watch.
2406. All my guards will know how to do their own job inside and out, but will be filled with misinformation on how the rest of my plan works. However, I will make sure there IS something to their lies. For example, if a guard is told that the evil fortress is in a remote region of my empire, there WILL be something there, but it will be one of my decoy plans that I don't really need done right now. This will throw the heroes off track.
2407. Anytime one of my Legions of Terror dies, defects, retires, or otherwise is lost from their job, replacing them will be a top priority. I will plan in advance for this to happen so that I can replace them quickly and efficiently.
2408. If I want to reward my lieutenant by finding him a wife, I will consult an elite matchmaking service and offer him a choice from among my loyal subjects. Under no circumstances will I promise the lieutenant I'll let him marry one of the women from the heroic team. If he is already attracted to one of my enemies, he is clearly unsuited for his place in the Legions of Terror, no matter how shallow the attraction may seem.
2409. If the hero — or anyone else I've antagonized — has me at gunpoint, I will put up my hands, follow any orders, and keep my mouth shut. Under no circumstances will I ever utter any variation of the phrase, "You don't have the guts to shoot me". Those words will usually be followed up by a bright flash, a deafening BANG! and penetrating cardiac and/or cranial trauma.
2410. Even if I can't be killed by bullets, I will keep in mind that it doesn't necessarily guarantee that getting shot won't still hurt like a motherfucker.
2411. I will remember that I stand much better odds of escaping from prison than escaping from Hell.
2412. If I'm a ruler of a land plagued by giants (or other monsters), who hears about someone who "Slayed seven with one blow!", quietly ask the person why they got said title. After all, was it a bunch of giants they killed, or merely some flies, or, of course, giant flies?
2413. No matter how much of a horn dog I might be, I will not blatantly cheat on my wife. If sufficiently pissed off at me, she might help the Hero thwart my plans, or worse, do a Lorena Bobbitt on me in my sleep.
2414. Related to 2392, odds are I've already been spying on said rival leader's domain (let's face it, having read this far into the list I'd be stupid not to). With that in mind, I will always make sure to keep my information updated, especially if my earlier spies or scrying spells were destroyed for whatever reason. I will never assume I know everything there is to know about an enemy domain from just one case of espionage.
2415. My guards will be instructed that, if I am ever arrested, they will free me as soon as possible. I will then retreat until I have a complete understanding of what happened and how I can avoid the same thing happening again. Imagine the hero's surprise when he's been enjoying his victory for a while now, but all of a sudden I show up, ready for Round 2!
2416. When testing a new substance to assassinate the hero with, I will not randomly target civilians that happen to all go to the same health club as my assassin of choice. Instead the assassin will be truly random, slipping the substance into drinks from a variety of locals such as restaurants, hotels, and other such places. It will be harder for the hero to see an assassination attempt coming if they can't find a pattern.
2417. Related to the above, I will not confront the hero at any point during this period, or at least not make any references to the hero dying in the same manner as the test subjects.
2418. If I have brainwashed troops who are conditioned to take certain actions upon hearing a Trigger Phrase, I will make certain said trigger is not something that they are likely to hear someone say in a regular conversation. Especially not a single word trigger. The trigger will be a grammatically nonsensical phrase, short enough that it can be invoked quickly if I have to, but long enough that nobody will say it by accident.
2419. Do not mess with a farmer's property. Somehow, they always win, no matter what. Seriously — don't mess with them. Losing is bad enough, but being defeated by a farmer just stinks, to say the least.
2420. If I have a policy to put anyone born with specific powers into institutional slavery, I will not allow people to kill, starve, or severely beat them for arbitrary reasons. Not my soldiers, not my nobles, not my peasants. Nobody. They may be second class citizens at best by law, but the reason I wanted them enslaved in the first place was to get control of their powers, and said powers can't be used on my behalf if the people holding them are all too dead, weak or injured to work.
2421. Any robot security guards I employ will have a wireless connection to the security system that will automatically trigger an alert if one of them detects an intruder or unexpectedly goes offline.
2422. I will thoroughly survey every part of my territory periodically. Any unexplainable phenomena, mysterious caves, swords in stones or mystical woodland realms will be studied and possibly disposed of immediately.
2423. When surveying my territory, or completing any investigation in general, I will use a variety of methods to gather information. After all, eldritch locations may have rules I don't understand, local townspeople may not trust my soldiers, or my hardboiled noir detective might just miss something. All information will be double checked by my various sources, and any discrepancies will be investigated immediately.
2424. I will learn as many languages as possible, from the Black Speech through Braille to Mandarin Chinese. If I find I don't have the time, I will surround myself with people who know various languages, and make an effort to teach all of these to my five-year-old advisor. Children learn language best, after all, and to advise me they'll need to be able to understand any and all messages, secret codes or general terms.
2425. I will never let myself become single-minded in pursuing a single goal and nothing else. If I fail or even succeed to achieve it, I should be able to immediately list off and set out to achieve the next things I will do, instead of falling to my knees and having an existential crisis.
2426. If I decide to massacre a group of people to cover up the murder of one specific person, I will make sure my minions know that they are not supposed to start until they have confirmed the presence of the specific target - killing large groups of people to get to one guy who stepped out to run an errand five minutes before the attack started is both embarrassing and counterproductive. In fact, if at all possible, they should make sure the specific person I want dead dies first.
2427. Any top secret files will be protected by a well-guarded Faraday Cage, not lying in a compromised work computer.
2428. If any maintenance work must be outsourced, it will be scheduled under a work order and all relevant personnel will be notified in advance. No outside workers will be permitted entry otherwise.
2429. In the event that I am killed or otherwise defeated, I will make sure that I have a last will and testament, a well-trained heir — five-year-old advisors do grow up, after all — a contingency plan for resurrection if it's a possibility in my universe, and that all of my strongholds will not immediately explode upon my passing.
2430. I will maintain a healthy understanding of my bargaining position at any point in time. If I am relegated to whatever Hells are in my current worldscape and the hero is offering me a chance to join his Merry Band of Miscreants to battle save the world from an eldritch horror and, in exchange, I am being offered a chance to live once more with either my soul cleansed or my previous “crimes” forgiven and am free of their influence upon saving the world, I will duly consider my options in relation to other items on this list and make damn sure to Read the Fine Print.
2431. If there is no specific fine print or related contractual obligations in relation to my resurrection in terms of post-team up conduct or expectations, I will comply with the letter of the agreement, if not the spirit. While ensuring that whatever eldritch horror is stuffed back into whatever pocket dimension or nearest parallel universe they belong to should be the overriding consideration, I will ensure I am in a position to regain some semblance of my dignity or my Magnificent Bastard status when we're done with that fiasco.
2432. If am trying to seduce the hero and then kill them, I will not use poisoned lips and kiss. Instead, I will stab them as I kiss them.
2433. If I am working with a foreign partner on a money laundering scheme, I will not use their cultural heritage as part of the cover-up. They hate that shit, fortune cookies or otherwise.
2434. I will not allow myself to be built up for eight seasons. This will get me killed off in two seconds.
2435. I will never, ever absorb Discord's power. It is an Idiot Ball to prevent any episode involving him from ending in less than 30 seconds.
2436. I will never, ever threaten Morty Smith. Rick Sanchez WILL end me if I do.
2437. Always assume that Good Is Not Nice. It may not be true 9 out of 10 times, but hey, you never know.
2438. I will never leave things that can get me caught in my bathroom, especially when The Hero doesn't know my secret identity and is friendly.
2439. If a certain group of heroes have the ability to travel into my mind in order to cause a brainwashing and they know about me, always remain angry and agitated (but not enough to impact work in the real world).
2440. When building an Evil Lair, I will first play Evil Genius 2 and treat it as a serious simulation, making note of any lair builds that work effectively and efficiently to insure my real lair can be just as difficult, if not impossible, to infiltrate.
2441. I will never taunt the hero with the old "It's too late to stop me" line unless it actually is too late to stop me, such as when my plans are finally complete. Otherwise the hero will get cheeky and find the perfect way to stop my plans last-minute.
2442. When trying to take over a territory, be it a city, country, or even another planet, with laws different from my own, I will not try to enforce my own laws in said territory until after I have already conquered it. Just because I have a section of the territory for my own jurisdiction does not mean it will be recognized by either foreign governments or worse, local heroes.
2443. If I feel the desire to turn my nose up at a potential source of power, I will rethink that judgment as neutrally and objectively as I can manage. Many villains have been undone by grasping at sources of power too eagerly before they could see the strings attached, but just as many have been undone because they thumbed their noses at power for shallow reasons.
2444. If I am an Ancient Evil that was sealed away millennia ago and the means of sealing me away still exists, I will not destroy it. It will only lead to the heroes of the present destroying me for good.
2445. If I have Villain Teleportation and am reasonably sure I can get away with it, I will try and time strategic retreats just before I am done in, such as immediately before a Wave-Motion Gun fires or during a Disney Villain Death.That way, the heroes will believe that I have been defeated and I can regroup in the sequel.
2446. I will design spaces where I or my minions expect to attack the heroes to maximize our advantages and minimize our disadvantages. At the very least, I will not include features, such as mines or pits, that could be used against us.
2447. If I notice that one of my attacks leaves an opening for the heroes to attack me, I will refrain from using it.
2448. Mind controlling a hero to make them fight their friends will, at best, make them eventually snap out of it, and, at worst, trigger a Roaring Rampage of Revenge if they end up dying. Therefore, if I use mind control at all, I will not have them duel the heroes, but instead blindside them during an existing battle, to get at least one strong hit in, and release them right in the middle of battle, so that the other troops can take care of them before they turn.
2449. I will try to remain relatively likeable to the audience, be it with humor, magnificence, or coolness, if only for the chance at returning from something I really shouldn't have or, at best, full-blown Joker Immunity.
2450. If I wield an Artifact of Doom, I will do my homework and see if there aren't any other artifacts, prophecies, or the like that heroes could use to counter it, and take appropriate measures.
2451. If I am foiled by a hero or group of heroes, or if other villains are defeated by them, I will research their previous tactics and see if I can counter it for our (next) encounter. For example, if they use magic, I will learn some Anti-Magic.
2452. If I have managed to endlessly recover from being dethroned as the main threat against the heroes, I will not hog the position of Big Bad from the new generation of villains. It will only make me a detriment to them, and when they turn against me, they will become a bigger threat to me than the heroes ever were.