Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock U

Visit the main dungeon here.

2001. If one of my partners proposes a Stupid Evil plan that seems attractive in the front, and I seem to agree with them, I will... have that partner disposed of and see myself to a genuine psychiatrist. Seriously, having such plans always backfires and I should be able to recognize that.
2002. I will see to it that my mooks are trained to use any weapon that they can get their hands on, including the Hero's own weapons. Failing that, smashing a chair over their head tends to do the job.
2003. Make sure that my magic users and the like can cast spells while wearing armor. After all, most foes expect the guy wearing plate armor to use a sword, not a Fireball!
2004. I will at no point boast, "I cannot be betrayed." As someone who's been around long enough to become an Evil Overlord, I damned well should know better.
2005. I will not put half of my obsession's soul into a blank void. That's how you get possessed by some mentally unstable fucker.
2006. If the Hero and his army mount a surprise raid on my fortress, and I don't have time to reach my secret escape pod, I will disguise myself as a member of the custodial staff. The Hero would not look very heroic killing some poor, defenseless janitor and the Anti-Hero would consider it a waste of ammunition.
2007. I will consider the merits of having my 'secret' headquarters being in a public place but properly disguised from unknowing eyes. After all, the search team or any detective will probably flag abandoned ruins, cave tunnels as well as mines as a suspicious location, rather than, let's say, right next to (or underneath) their own building.
2008. Remember what I said about killing the Amnesiac Hero? That goes double for amnesiac villains, and triple for amnesiac villains who seem like they became heroes after losing their memories.
2009. If I've been able to give a small Local law enforcement agency the runaround, only for them to ask a larger Federal agency to hold onto the evidence they've gathered on me, under no circumstances will I go after the Federal agency - that's asking for major trouble.
2010. When I am in a Fantasy or Sci-Fi setting, and I get a recruit who doesn't look like he should get the job, like a Centaur Rogue, keep in mind Square Race, Round Class. For all I know, because he doesn't look like a typical thief, no one would dare to suspect him.
2011. If I've wronged The So-Called Coward, only for them to show up at my place, and lock the door instead of just leaving - get out the backdoor quick! He's about to unleash Hell!
2012. My guards will try one (1) time to kill the hero with their usual weapons. If this does not work, they will not stand there and unload their entire arsenal at the hero despite a lack of success. Instead they will flee, lock any and all doors between them and the hero and immediately inform me of the situation and the hero's immunity.
2013. If the heroes have actually managed to defeat/kill me which leads to the decline of my organization/empire, and my followers have managed to break me out/somehow resurrect me in order to bring it back to its glory, I would heed their advice and slowly bring it Back from the Brink and not pursue revenge, up to the moment I would be absolutely sure I can defeat the heroes completely this time.
2014. That being said, I can always prepare for my revenge while rebuilding my group. Nothing surprises the Hero more than to find me not only rebuilt, but also ready for Round 2.
2015. Always train when I get the chance, in one form or another. If the Hero beat me once, I'd better Level Up, and do some grinding on the Exp, and gather some stat-boosting equipment. That way, when he comes boasting about having that 18 Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma (I think he cheated on the dice rolls), I'll show mine that show 30 in all stats across the board.
2016. Being a President Evil is overrated if my nation has term limits. It’s much better to put puppet rulers in the Capital (or Capitol).
2017. For this purpose, voter fraud is very useful. But if I can’t do it without getting caught, I had better have the courts in my pocket too.
2018. Of course, it’s a moot point if I’m the only one running. And if I’m not...well, that’s what secret police are for, right?
2019. On second thought, why bother being a President Evil at all? There’s too much paperwork involved. Being the Evil King is simpler.
2020. Another reason to keep in mind Square Race, Round Class when it comes to recruiting folks who initially look like they don't fit the job - equal opportunity employment.
2021. If a lavish wedding to the beautiful princess is necessary for political or magical reasons, the security surrounding the wedding will be equally lavish: hundreds of armed security guards and a cadre of my best henchpersons on hand to deal with anyone who dares try to disrupt the ceremony.
2022. I will always find a a way to get the last laugh, even in defeat. As Captain Jack Sparrow said, "You may kill me, but you may never insult me."
2023. When demanding ransom money, I will request using nonstandard but valid currency so it will be harder to trace.
2024. A little bit of theatrics doesn't hurt your villainous street cred, but overdoing it, especially in the planning stage, will lead to easy exploitation by the heroes.
2025. If it turns that someone is trying to sell the MacGuffin I need for the next stage of my plan, I will not send someone to mug or kill the seller for the item, thus drawing attention to the fact that someone really wants it for some reason, I will just quietly buy it and leave the previous owner in total ignorance of its importance.
2026. I will not have the friends, families or loved ones of my subordinates (especially not my elite soldiers or trusted lieutenants) used as slaves, test subjects, sacrifices or monster kibble if it is at all possible to use someone else instead. Such behavior is a great way to turn a loyal subordinate into a rebellious one.
2027. If it turns out that I absolutely have to use someone close to a subordinate for such a thing, I will make absolutely sure that the blame for their disappearance falls on someone else.
2028. If I need to buy supplies or expertise from a third party, I will pay them fairly instead of ripping them off or murdering them the moment the job is done. Such things may save me money in the short term, but once word gets around or people notice that my subcontractors are never seen again, nobody will want to do business with me anymore, and then where will I be when I need third party subcontractors?
2029. If there is something unique about the location of my hidden evil lair that can make its location be deduced by soil samples, plant matter or other debris that can accumulate on my clothing/equipment by spending time there and then fall off at a crime scene, I will relocate to a more anonymous location unless there is some specific reason why I need to be operating out of that general area.
2030. I will only sell off older model weapons, equipment, and vehicles after they've been replaced with something VASTLY superior. A significant portion of the proceeds from those sales will go into my R&D department's coffers.
2031. If the Hero (appears to) fire his weapon at me and miss, I will not make a snide remark at his expense...I will dive for cover.
2032. Also, after diving for cover, double check to see if I got an extra hole in my body. Those things can be annoying, especially ones through my head or heart.
2033. If I do find that extra hole in a lethal spot, make damn sure the Hero isn't going to walk away either. I might be dead, but I'll be damned before someone brags about killing me.
2034. The ornate throne in the great hall of my palace will have a pressure plate hidden under the seat. If anyone is so arrogant as to sit down on it, a hatch will open in the ceiling and they will be launched into the air Team Rocket style.
2035. Of course, I will calibrate it so that it won't eject me into the sky. It will not make a good impression if I have to sit down and then the Mooks see their boss fly off every time.
2036. If any of my minions happen to be shapeshifters or masters of disguise, I will put their abilities to good use by having them spy on the Hero and the Rebellion.
2037. Instead of the usual, useless plot to cancel, steal, or ruin Christmas (or its closest equivalent on our world), I will offer to pay everyone in my evil organization generous holiday bonus the year the Hero's corpse brought before me. Offer void if the Hero isn't 100% confirmed perma-dead.
2038. Actually, make it a flat Quadruple Pay during the holidays. Killing the Hero though, that's an Extra Bonus.
2039. I will, in fact, use my resources to boost Christmas, and fight against those who wish to ruin or destroy Christmas. Doing this will paint me as A Lighter Shade of Black, so that The Hero will be convinced to not shoot me down on sight, as well as helping my civilian persona further on.
2040. Actually, instead of quadruple pay, I’ll stick to a standard Christmas bonus. There’s being festive, and then there’s just throwing money away. Quadruple pay for the holidays can be negotiated for the year one of my minions brings me the head of my worst enemy, however. Assuming I’m not my own worst enemy, but that’s why I’m reading this list, isn’t it?
2041. Unless it’s actually raining, snowing, or some other natural weather phenomenon is occurring, my forces will be ordered to immediately fire upon any suspicious individuals wearing hoods, especially if they start trying to do some parkour. Heroes think wearing a hood perfectly disguises them, so they’ll be pretty easy to spot from a mile out if they keep their hoods on. Likewise, Visitors and citizens who suffer from albinism or leucism will instead be provided with free umbrellas to use instead of hoods to protect them from the sun’s UV radiation, that they can pickup at a local information kiosk, one of the many I shall have constructed every few city blocks to keep people appraised of any changes to this policy, and never conveniently forget it. People who choose to wear their hoods up out of some sense of personal fashion will be politely asked to remove the hood, only wear it during appropriate times or at home, and then be immediately executed if they continue to resist.
2042. If I get a bunch of calls from people asking for "Pizza King" or whatever the local fast food place is, I'll check to see if my number is indeed close to the number of the local place. If it is, change it.
2043. If the number of my place and the local fast food place are indeed very similar, and it's impractical for me to change my number, see to it that some sort of deal is set up, wherein they change their number, or give my guys a discount for the inconvenience.
2044. If Time Travel exists in my universe, I will be damn sure to research it thoroughly, and make sure that I don't dispose off the right people by accident, and keep my machine in pristine condition, lest I want to be Trapped in the Past or Gone to the Future with no way back, or even more importantly, getting myself Ret-Gone from existence.
2045. If I have no choice but to have a Duel to the Death with the hero, I will, during the fight, listen in for their Leitmotif. If it plays at any point, I will get the hell out of Dodge before they get a Theme Music Power-Up.
2046. The interior decor of my Fortress of Doom will not feature pointy objects I could be impaled upon if I lose my footing and stumble backwards during the final showdown with the Hero.
2047. I will not say the words "or else" to someone unless I can easily best them in a fight or, at the very least, I have good dental insurance (which I will make sure I do).
2048. I will keep my own leitmotif confined to the earbuds of my Legions of Terror, lest it alert the Hero and his allies to our Power-Up.
2049. If possible, never harm the Innocent.
2050. If I, or my scientists, have created a creature, and it has escaped, and has gone on a killing spree, and the Expert Hunter I've hired tells me that we'd be better off killing it instead of capturing it, I'll admit that the guy has a point. The orders will be Capture if Possible, Kill if Necessary.
2051. Likewise, when hunting down an escaped creature, safety of the locals and hikers and such take priority over the creature.
2052. If I have a product I need to get to the market, I must never fool my investors and customers if I don't want my good reputation in danger.
2053. Similarly I will have my R&D Team work on it so that it doesn't have any unexpected side-effects or shortcomings at the last second.
2054. When having prisoners transported via underground trains, it will not be a singular route. Additionally, I will have my Legions of Terror stationed every 100 ft. or so to watch for (1) allied forces blocking the rails or (2) breakdowns in equipment.
2055. If a magical ritual is a key part of my plans, the ritual site will have ample security to deal with any meddling do-gooders who show up.
2056. I will never invade Russia... unless my name ends in Khan. Likewise, I will not use my land armies in China unless my name ends in Khan. That being said, I should also note that, even if my surname meets both conditions, nobody said either venture would be easy.
2057. If I am a Dungeons and Dragons villain, buy or steal that book written by the witch known as Tasha. It has the means to make my mooks more powerful, especially the lower ranked ones. After that, acquire the other books, for the appropriate edition of Dungeons and Dragons of course.
2058. If I am out and about in my Secret Identity, and The Hero comes out from nowhere to try to beat me up for my acts, I must enact Wounded Gazelle Gambit. The people will turn on him while he tries to tell them the truth, and better, if recorded, will go a long way to discredit The Hero as a person who harms innocent people.
2059. If my bumbling, but loyal henchman decides to scribble a place for himself on my future world domination map, I will let them keep that place when the plan has been successfully enacted. They deserve it, and I've got plenty of land of my own anyway.
2060. Heck, I will place it in my official henchmen contracts that all of my underlings - Dragons, King Mooks, Mooks, and evil janitors/service staff are all entitled to a piece of land upon successful conquest of our land/world/solar system/galaxy/universe/multiverse. The size of said land will be fixed according to rank and size of conquest, but negotiation is acceptable.
2061. If the heroes use a Benevolent A.I. in their day-to-day work which includes crime-fighting and especially if they seem to succeed, I will hire the best hacker and a crack team of saboteurs to subvert and corrupt it to make it a genuine hindrance to them. The heroes themselves will do the rest of my work, and they won't think of building another AI, setting their work back.
2062. If possible, I will put a backdoor on the mainframe and use it to extract information on the heroes first.
2063. If I'm dealing with foes bigger than myself, especially in terms of height and weight, I shall never say "What are you going to do? Sit on me?" That's just Tempting Fate big time!
2064. That said, I must employ Giant Mooks myself for this purpose, along with others. Being my enemy doesn't make them Immune to Fate after all.
2065. I will not permanently dispose of anything or anyone under my control unless I am absolutely sure the risk or cost of their continued existence outweighs the benefits.
2066. Never piss off exceptionally powerful beings - Karma has a way of biting one in the ass, sometimes literally.
2067. If I ever make a bargain with powerful beings, make sure that nothing important is put up for offers, like my soul. I might need that.
2068. Make sure that I have some method to deal with exceptionally powerful beings who decide to do business with me. After all, if I'm just a human, figure out why it is that a vampire, or a demon, is coming to me for aid.
2069. If I am a human who is somehow in charge of various creatures, like demons, vampires, liches, werewolves, dragons, and other such powerful beings, make sure that I have the means to handle them.
2070. Despite the allure of time management and schedules, I must myself never adhere to a schedule/timetable strictly. Any deviance will throw me in a bad mood resulting in some possible crucial mistakes, or my enemies will use my schedule to trap me.
2071. I will create a fake schedule for my day-to-day life, and make a convincing act of following through it. Imagine their surprise when they would be waiting in a Saturday at 11 AM near the bank to ambush me, only to never see me all day!
2072. When recruiting candidates for my new Legions of Terror, I will not restrict myself to "already formed natural athletes". I will take the time to build them all from the ground up rather than discard them for the simple crime of losing. The weakest recruits and those that lose their initial match-up will be assigned to positions that involve logistics while continuing their training.
2073. In the event that I loose some sort of, um, "Popularity Contest", that I'd won previously, I will not rant, rave, claim that the judges were bribed, nor cause a riot in order to "Win"! Instead, I will merely shake the hand of the new winner, say "Nice Job." and then plan for the next time. Seriously, some people could learn to accept defeat in such situations gracefully. It's not like it's the end of the world after all.
2074. Unless it's already recognized as valid, never print my own money. Use something that's recognized globally, like American Dollars or European Euros. Otherwise, my currency is just as good as Monopoly Money in terms of value.
2075. If a Mook of mine accidentally forgets the name of my superweapon and gives it a new one, I will correct them but keep the new name in storage for future usage.
2076. I will refrain from using We Have Reserves as a justification for a plan that will get a lot of soldiers killed unless I have no better option. While it may be true in the short term, if I keep doing it too often, I eventually won't have reserves.
2077. Civilian casualties of those I rule or plan to rule should be avoided if I have a better option. The Ends Justify The Means can apply if I don't have a better option, but even if I have no compassion for the civilians whatsoever, it's just wasteful.
2078. I want to know exactly where I can expect that Surprisingly Realistic Outcome, and where it goes out the window. More than a few would-be heroes and villains have been undone by a terminal case of Wrong Genre Savvy when it comes to reality.
2079. Priority one: the One-Man Army. Is Rule of Cool in effect, or does reality kick this trope to the curb? I want to know whether a would-be hero has any chance at beating my Legions of Terror before I send them after him.
2080. If I find out that some group has been forcing folks, who normally wouldn't want to join my ranks, by trying to shame them into joining up, like those White Feather ladies, I will go up to said ladies, and ask if they want to join. If they refuse, shoot them for treason, cowardice, and harassment. It's one thing for someone to not join due to prior obligations and issues, but for that person to try to force others into joining them, when they won't, that's a line even I won't cross.
2081. I should consider alternate realities if my plan seems to fail, and try to escape this reality to that one, hopefully pulling a Kill and Replace on my alternate 'winning' counterpart. Although, I must not attempt to invade the 'Prime' reality to enforce my will unless I seriously consider reversing my fortunes.
2082. Under no circumstances will I enact Fate Worse than Death, Cruel Mercy, or Tailor-Made Prison as a means of punishment against my enemies. There is always going to be a chance, no matter how small, that they'll escape that feat. After all, if death is the second worst thing that can happen to them, then that'll be good enough for me.
2083. If I am a CR 20+ Dungeons and Dragons villain in 5e, and the Heroes show up with a number of folks who normally are CR 1/2, or lower, I will ask them if they studied their Tasha's. If they never heard of the witch, I have little to fear from them. But if they have, and have thus taken Sidekick classes, making them equal to the Heroes in terms of comparable power, it might be a good idea to retreat, especially if my own minions have neglected their studies of Tasha's.
2084. If someone is trying to blackmail me for money, always assume that not only will the person not keep quiet, and will send the info out anyways, but that they have multiple copies of the info that will be opened by the papers and other agencies in the event of the blackmailer's death or disappearance. Thus, make it very clear that blackmailing me is a very bad idea, by showing the would-be blackmailer that I have something worse on them, like photos from the time that they were with that woman that they swore was eighteen, or rather could at least "claim" to be actually eighteen at the time.
2085. If I am in middle of fulfilling my plan and have the mind-control ability, and the heroes come to interfere with it, I'd better use the ability to stop the heroes on their track. Being a Fair-Play Villain spells disaster to my plans after all.
2086. If I end up buying or inheriting a business, see about spending a few days in each position, that way I know what needs work, and get ideas on how to fix the position. Also, it's a useful way to figure out who is dead weight.
2087. I will use a perfectly rational plan, I will also never do anything For the Evulz
2088. All my Mooks' families will be given a handsome pension in the event of the mooks' death.
2089. None of my female Mooks will be given a Chainmail Bikini or any other such Revealing clothing. They will instead, be given the standard, fully protective suit of armour
2090. I will constantly change my Evil base, that way if my new base is destroyed, I will have spares to run to.
2091. Even if my powers make me just a Flying Brick I will have more strategy than just flying in with a punch — dropping nets work too!
2092. I will not call my army "Legion of Doom/Terror/Evil". Its name will be "People's Liberation Army of (insert the name of my state)".
2093. Or I can pick a more neutral name. You never know when a snooping Genre Savvy person busts your People's Republic of Tyranny for what it is.
2094. I will never make my base Only in Florida. The competition alone will drive me out of the place.
2095. If my powers are greater than most of my Mooks, and I need to destroy my enemies, I myself should step in and deal with them early on before it's too late. By the time the Mooks are gone, the group would have gained too much experience to deal with anything I could throw at them.
2096. I must never make any deals with anyone with a nasty Chronic Backstabbing Disorder tendency, despite what they might offer me. Or on second thought, I should take the deal and then dispose of them.
2097. If I get a job offer from a fella who has a reputation of, ehem, getting rid of those who did the job after said job is done, I shall instead "pass on" the info to the Hero. It's a bad idea to do business with folks who kill you after the job is done.
2098. Don't forget to level grind. It's embarrassing when those I defeated once before come back and wipe the floor with me — and I don't mean that both of us clean the floors!
2099. Speaking of level grinding, always update your armory. Sometimes the hero comes back and kicks your ass even when you both are in the same level, because they got the Infinity +1 Sword I wasn't bothered to look for.
2100. Make sure that mooks ALSO level grind, and get better equipment. The look on the Hero's face can be rather funny when they see that the mooks have the +3 equivalents of weapons, armor, and shields, among other special items.