Movie Reviews
- Zane having a flashback to Grand Masters of Wrestling in his Rodman Down Under review.[footage plays from Grand Masters of Wrestling accompanied by Nikolai Volkoff singing Hava Nagila]
Phelous: Uh, Brian, you OK?
Zane: The horror... the horror! - "Are these two gonna fight or fuck?!!!!"note
- In Ready to Rumble:
- After seeing Scott Caan's character having had sex with his girlfriend after he gave her a t-shirt:Zane:
And to think, he has a girl in the bed, and all he had to do was to give her a t-shirt, I mean, what an absolutely stupid idea, I mean, just a... just the dumbest... just a... [Beat] Excuse me for a minute.
[gets up from his chair and leaves. Cut to Zane seen outside holding several t-shirts]
Zane: Shirts for sex! Shirts for sex! I give you a shirt, you give me your body! - His sign-off for the video:Zane: I'm Brian Zane and I have some more t-shirts to give out, I'll see you later!
- After seeing Scott Caan's character having had sex with his girlfriend after he gave her a t-shirt:
- In No Holds Barred:
- Zane's quip in response to Hulk Hogan's love interest hearing what sounds like him masturbating:Zane: Oh hoho! Looks like Hogan's making a solo sex tape!
- His horrified reaction when it turns out it's Hogan doing push ups... nearly naked, ass exposed:Zane: Gahhh! Oily Hogan ass! I take back everything I said about Mr. America! Just make it go away!
- The return of Claude, French super model, who claims that since his last appearance his career took off, he sleeps with beautiful women every night, and that he's responsible for sabotaging Tyler Breeze's career. When pressed, he admits only the last part is true.
- Zane's response to Hulk Hogan's brother in the film looking nothing like him: a sketch with Zane as the brother to a musclebound, tattooed wrestler.
- Constantly pointing out how Brell looks like he's horny rather than angry.
- Zane's quip in response to Hulk Hogan's love interest hearing what sounds like him masturbating:
- His review with Adam Blampied of WhatCulture of Santa's Slay is FULL of these, in part thanks to Adam being in full Heel Mode.
- Adam pulling a Bait-and-Switch at the start on Brian:Adam: And get a load of who directed this Brian. Remember Brett Ratner? The guy who directed Rush Hour?
Zane: Yeah.
Adam: Red Dragon?
Zane: Yeah!
Adam: Tower Heist?
Zane: [confused] No.
Adam: Well, Santa's Slay is directed by that guy...'s assistant, David Steiman.
Zane: Not even Ratner?
Adam: Not even Ratner, a phrase that is carved into David Steiman's tombstone.
Zane: Is he even dead?
Adam: I don't know, and you're about to not care. - Adam's description of the movie's opening.Adam: We open on a lovely Christmas Tableau with a dysfunctional family that all hate each other surrounding the dinner table. [cheerful] Sounds like a Blampied Christmas to me!
- After Adam later discovers that Chris Katan's character, who's groping Fran Drescher's character, is related to her, he hastily denies it's not like a Blampied Christmas.
- After one of the members of the family in the opening points out that she's glad to not be born Samoan.Zane: Hey, it's not so bad; 50/50 odds you're related to The Rock.
- Adam pointing out a scene where a stripper on a swing accidentally swings her crotch into Santa's face, then pointing out that woman is GOLDBERG'S WIFE and that they met on the set of the movie.
- Adam's various guesses as to what Santa and the Angel do to compete for the fate of mankind: Lightning Duel, Bear Hunting, Running Across the Sea, Jumping Really High, Sex Decathalon and an Eating Contest.
- Zane's glee at two odd sentences that he feels would be hilarious out of context "Tell me the truth about Santa" and "If Santa followed you here, we're all in great danger." He then puts the scene in hilarious contexts: Ordering at In-N-Out burger and Midnight Mass.
- Adam pulling a Bait-and-Switch at the start on Brian:
- From his review of The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-WrestleMania!:Big Show: I thought this was the WWE!Robot: Affirmation: World Wrobot Entertainment - the W is silent.Brian: Those bastards stole my gimmick! Well, now I know how Jim feels.
- In his review of Slammed!, his commentary on the film's realistic portrayal of how women talk:Movie: I would kill for one of your boobs.Brian: Just one?
Promotion Graveyards
- Several parts of his Wrestlicious review:
- Brian has a button prepared to stop the footage if it starts getting too painful for him. He decides he's seen enough halfway through the first verse of the opening rap...and discovers the button doesn't work.
- His reaction to Paige Webb receiving a lewd email:Brian: Ah yes, unsolicited dick pics are a constant source of hilarity! Not.Mike The Maleficent Love Machine: (snaps a photo of his junk) Ooh, uh...so does that mean you won't be endorsing my new catchphrase, then?note
- Brian decides to start enjoying the footage of the wrestlers in bikinis, and accidentally leans on the button, causing it to cut the footage.Brian: Oh, sure, great! Now the button works!
- He and Adam tackle Heroes Of Wrestling together. Highlights include:
- Adam comparing the tag team match between The Bushwhackers and The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff to "four old guys wandering around looking for their keys".
- Adam referring to Yokozuna as "the man made only of tits".
- Every video of his regarding Women's Extreme Wrestling is several minutes of funny moments crammed into three videos.
- His reaction to Special Ed (a heel manager with a congenital disorder) beating up Lucky (a fan also with a disorder) is utterly priceless.Brian: *still processing what he just saw* A film starring a wrestler, inspires "Cripple Fight". A cripple fight happens in a wrestling ring. Things have truly come full-circle folks. Also, WHAT THE FUCK, WOMEN'S EXTREME WRESTLING?!
- His reaction to Special Ed (a heel manager with a congenital disorder) beating up Lucky (a fan also with a disorder) is utterly priceless.
Top Eights
- Sting's in love with the coco!
- In the Top 8 Worst Kane Storylines:
- Zane goes through the Kane/Lita storyline that had Kane stalk Lita, kidnap her, coerce her into having sex with him, impregnate her and force her to marry him, that ended with her miscarrying the child... which made Kane have a Heel–Face Turn and Lita actually fall in love with him. Zane's response to all this?
- And later, when he mentions Lita's Face–Heel Turn, where the WWE expect its audience to root for Kane, the man who rapes and impregnates her.
- In his video "When Bookers Got It Wrong" The number one entry is Verne Gagne refusing to make Hulk Hogan AWA World Heavyweight Champion because Hogan "wasn't technical enough" to draw, and jokingly says "Verne Gagne was the first Internet Mark."
- During John Cena's Top 8 Biggest Victims he makes fun of Bray using singing children to intimidate Cena.Brian: [In faux-terror] Ahh! They're so adorable! MY EYYYES!
- His inability to say "Worcestershire sauce" in the Kayfabe Kitchen episode on Edge's spicy cocktail meatballs. He gives up later and just refers to it as "the sauce that shall not be named."
- And then, in the WrestleMania Burger episode of Kayfabe Kitchen he decides to pronounce it and after doing it he starts celebrating... only for the comments section to tell him that he mispronounced it again (WOR-Ches-Ter-Shur instead of Worster-Shur). Then, in the same week episode of Who War It Better he pronounced it correctly after his usual intro with a somewhat defeated expression in his face. Poor guy.
- From his Kayfabe Kitchen on Eddie Guerrero's Mexican tortilla casserole:Zane: Hey look, a recipe from Eddie Guerrero! [looks at camera] Sad. [reads the recipe] "Perfect for when you're watching XFL football" [looks at camera again] Even sadder!
- In the video about The Rock's single "Pie", after hearing that part of the lyrics mention that The Rock got "quickly aroused" while driving "near this old farm house", Zane wonders what was the thought process to come up with that line:Zane-as-The-Rock: The Rock says damn that cow looks sexy!
- His Vince Russo impression. Especially because his impersonation of Russo's voice is absolutely perfect. It even had its sequels:
- Zane would later do a whole video parodying Russo in the form of an infomercial, that ended with Jim Cornette himself appearing and punching "Russo"!
- When Zane interviewed the man himself on the WrestleMania 32 weekend, the very first thing Russo asked him was to do his impression.
- Zane would later do a whole video parodying Russo in the form of an infomercial,
- Any time he plays the clip of the ECW Zombie.
- "Chavo Guerrero and The One Man Gang star in: "Oh God, What Have We Done?""note
- His parody music video of Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines". It's a lot funnier and less perverted than the original.
- His reaction to the "heat-seeking" projectiles in the first Backyard Wrestling game.
- His introduction for Brother Love's fudge:Zane: You know folks?! I love fudge... wait, you know what?! I said that wrong; let me start over: IIIII LOOOOOOOOOVE FUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!!!!
- In one scene in his NWF Kids Pro Wrestling review, there's a clip of the promoter of NWF, Shawn Crossen, telling two of the wrestlers what's going to happen in an upcoming match, while being filmed by a local news station. Zane's reaction is priceless:Shawn: You guys are gonna start pounding, right, on us two. Then at the end one of us chooses a comeback-
Zane: Kayfabe... kay... Kayfabe! KAYFABE!!! - He made a Let's Play of a Royal Rumble using community-created characters. The whole video is funny, but the best part is when he takes control of the Mighty Maccabee from the Grand Masters of Wrestling videos. A created wrestler of Brian Zane enters and the Mighty Maccabee starts attacking him, with Zane saying "And this is for saying my matches are awful!" "And this is for saying I can't sell!"
- In his "Wrestling Food Taste Test!" video, Brian and his friend Biggs eat food that ranges from 2014 to the late 80s. When they're about to try Ultimate Warrior's cereal Biggs says this:Biggs: I tell ya, some of the stuff we've ate today in age...I mean only someone like Mark Henry when he was dating Mae Young has tasted anything older than this stuff.[Zane throws his hands in the air and walks off screen while we hear him burst out laughing]
- In his Brawl For All video, when he finds out that the reason behind it was because Vince Russo wanted to stick it to John "Bradshaw" Layfield after the latter said he could beat anyone in the locker room, he applauds and says that his respect for him has increased (And considering Bradshaw is known to be a locker room bully back then and that he lost the Brawl For All finals, it can be seen as karma.)
- His interview with "Broken" Matt Hardy. All of it.
- The resolution of the cliffhanger from the Wrestlers in Music Videos list, in which he gets cornered by the Ultimate Warrior. So how does he escape the wrath of the Warrior? By giving him some keys to jingle.
- The Braun Strowman song. Set to the tune of "Particle Man".
- The Wrestling Commercials series
- In part 4, Brian picks up on an accidental stereotype that slipped into one of Booker T's Hungry Man commercials:
Booker: A whole pound of food men love! Fried chicken...Brian: (glares at the camera) Really, y'all?- And then immediately after, he notes that the other Booker T Hungry Man commercial took place in a supermarket, then references the supermarket brawl between Booker and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
- In his review of Hulk Rules, there's this one-liner regarding "Hulk's The One" (which was sung by Linda Bollea, Hogan's now ex-wife) and how awkward it is in hindsight:Linda: Whoa, you're the one, the only one, Hulk's the only one for meBrian: (dissonantly cheery) It's funny to listen to now because she hates him!
- And then there's his absolute confusion at her WHA-NUH-NAAAAAH? from "Hulkster's Back", complete with a Youtube Poop-style repeated playback of the phrase:
Brian: If you know what she's saying, you're a liar! - His video on the Ultimate Warrior's run in WCW has this summary of his horrendous match with Hulk Hogan:Brian: To describe this match hold-for-hold would be like trying to describe colors to a newborn baby. It would take way too much time, nothing would come of it and at least one person would have soiled themselves by the end of it!
- His review of Souled Out 2000 includes a moment from the Nitro before the PPV where Jeff Jarrett wrestled Jimmy Snuka in a Steel Cage which ended with Snuka splashing Double J from the top of the cage, followed by Chris Benoit doing a headbutt from the top of the cage, and upon seeing those two in the ring together, Brian had the perfect summary for it all.
- In one WCW PPV review, as David Flair prepares a weapon for his next match: "The camera shows him like he's jerking off, but then it pans around to show he's just polishing his crowbar. Which is what I call jerking off!"
