Funny / Watchmen

Comic book

One of the more humorous instances of the crosscutting dialogue.

• The page image; as the detectives investigating Blake's murder get into the building's elevator and prepare to head down to the ground floor, one of them saying "Ground floor comin' up.", we get a panel of Blake being thrown through the window of his penthouse apartment.
• Hypocritical Humor from Rorschach.
  Rorschach: Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders?
• "I shall go and tell the indestructible man that someone plans to murder him."
• "The End Is Nigh" Guy (Rorschach's civilian identity) asking the newsseller that he won't forget his copy of the New Frontiersman. Newsseller assures him he won't, and he walks away. Newsseller takes a drink, and guy reappears behind the seller, taps him on the shoulder, wanting a promise out of the seller. Cue Spit Take.
  • To clarify, the guy (one of those "end-of-the-world" sandwichboard guys) was explaining how the world was doomed and going to end today. He then made the newsseller promise not to forget to bring him tomorrow's copy of the magazine!
    • That night is when Dr. Manhattan abandons Earth, robbing the US of its best deterrent against a Soviet nuclear strike. So when the street prophet shows up the next day:
      Vendor: I see the world didn't end yesterday.
      Prophet: Are you sure?
• Doctor Manhattan teleporting to the TV station literally minutes before his live interview. After freaking out the receptionist, the producer starts grousing that they don't have time for make-up, since Manhattan's distinct blue glow is too bright for TV. Without another word, Manhattan simply darkens the shade.
  Doctor Manhattan: Is this dark enough?
  TV Producer: My God. Uh, well, yes. Yes, that's just perfect.
• Also in chapter 3, when we see Daniel getting new locks installed because Rorschach broke them during his previous visit. The guy installing the locks laughs as Daniel explains about how they were broken by his 'friend'. The real kick is when Rorschach visits again at the end of the chapter, saying "By the way, you need a stronger lock. That new one broke after one shove." To make the situation funnier yet, Rorschach then manages to express his approval of Dan's efforts to keep him out in a reproach: "Not good enough! Get more expensive one. Can't be too careful these days."
  • Later, when the two are on the run from the police together, the first thing the police do... is smash right through that more expensive new lock.
  • It gets funnier still when you realize the lock company is called "Gordian Knot" ...there is some very clever writing going on, yes indeed.
• Hollis Mason does some horrifically hilarious Tempting Fate as he talks with Manhattan about retiring to be an auto-mechanic, quipping that he's still got enough time before Manhattan changes the landscape of automobiles. Manhattan then immediately responds with his plans to introduce electric cars, a technological leap that would catastrophically put people like Hollis out of work as a result. Whoops.
  • DOUBLY, darkly funny when you realize that this is the second instance where Doc Manhattan has (accidentally) shitted all over poor Hollis' life vocation.
• There's something for everyone in chapter 7, which is about Dan and Laurie. There's the first page, where Laurie is in the owlship, and, looking for a dash lighter, she presses the button that turns on the owlship's flamethrower. Then there's both sex scenes, particularly the Soundtrack Dissonance in the first and the Something Else Also Rises in the second. Finally, there's the scene where Nite Owl and Silk Spectre rescue the citizens from the burning building, which contains these two gems:
  Little Boy: Mom? That guy in the Space Rocket, is that Jesus?
  and...
  Man: Are you with the fire department?
  Silk Spectre: Listen, I'm Smokey The Bear's secret mistress. Now will you please just move or throw yourself over the side or something?
  • Another example from this chapter, after Laurie has accidentally set off the flamethrower, Dan is going through the ship's systems.
    Dan: ...public address system and screechers functioning, air-to-air missiles functioning, fog-screens funct...
    Laurie: Air-to-Air missiles?
    Dan: Sure. Button there. Next to the flame thrower.
    Laurie: That's it! That does it! No more smoking.
  • Laurie's Flat "What" when Dan decides they should rescue Rorschach.
• During the prison riot, former nemesis Big Figure decides to pay Rorschach a visit. Despite the fact that no less than three murderous gangsters are outside of his cell intending on some payback, Rorschach doesn't even pay them the least bit of respect, even cracking off puns at Big Figure's expense.
  Rorschach: Big Figure. Small world.
  • Additionally, Rorschach's dry remark at the method in which he disposes of one of Big Figure's goons:
    Rorschach: Hm. Never disposed of sewage with toilet before. Obvious, really.
• Laurie and Dan discuss a former "villain," who was really a regular guy who had a sadomasochism fetish and dressed up so costumed heroes would beat him up. Laurie wonders what happened to him.
  Dan: Well, he pulled that on Rorschach, and Rorschach dropped him down an elevator shaft.
  Laurie: (laughing) Oh my God! That is not even funny!
  Dan: (also laughing) It's a little funny.
• This line can slip by you, as it's part of a long dialogue, but it's a good laugh.
  Moloch: Can I get out of the fridge now?
  Rorschach: No.
• On that vein, Moloch is first ambushed by Rorshcach who was hiding inside of his fridge. The next time Moloch opens his fridge, he does so nervously, holding a gun, only to find a single note.
  Rorschach's Note: BEHIND YOU.
  • Right after this when Moloch turns around and aims his huge revolver at Rorschach, he pauses. He looks at Rorschach for a moment, then at his gun, then drops his gun and starts begging Rorschach not to kill him. Rorschach just kept a guy from shooting him by staring at him.
  • To elaborate, Moloch nervously denies that he planned to use the gun on Rorschach as he drops it.
• Rorschach's dry response to his therapist Malcolm Long asking him how he's doing.
  Dr. Long: Hello Rorschach. How are you today?
  Rorschach: (deadpan) In prison, yourself?
• In the flashback to the failed Crimebusters meeting, it's surreal to not only see Rorschach talking normally, but raising valid concerns about their public image and mission statement. The speech bubbles even contain bold text implying inflection, as opposed to his usual monotone italic text.
  • There's also a bit where Laurie's reminiscing about that night where she met the Comedian for the first time, and she casually notes that while the others were leaving, Rorschach just kind of walked off into the bushes.
• Things from his sessions with Rorschach that disturbed Malcolm Long: Rorschach bluntly telling him that he doesn't like him, the rape and murder of Kitty Genovese, his murder of a child kidnapper and his dogs, and the fact that Rorschach has friends.
• Doctor Manhattan forgetting the small matter of oxygen when he teleports Laurie to Mars.
  Doctor Manhattan: Laurie? What is...? Oh. Of course. Please forgive me. Sometimes these things slip my mind.
  * Doctor Manhattan creates an air-pocket*
  Laurie: *gasping* Oh Jesus! Jesus! Jon, you stupid bastard!
  • Then, once Laurie can finally breathe:
    Laurie: Oh shit. I'm on Mars.
• There's this bit of humor about the story's themes of determinism after Laurie tries to defy Manhattan's predictions about her following him upstairs:
  Laurie: What happens if I just stay down here and screw all your predictions, huh? What happens then?
  [Beat]
  Laurie (following him upstairs): Jon? I said, "what happens then?"
• The brief scene in chapter 10 in which Daniel is trying to hack into Veidt's computer while Rorschach rambles on and on in the background:
  Rorschach: Huhn. Moloch better suspect than previously apparent. Pity deceased... unless plot from beyond grave, pre-arranged...? No, too fantastic. Egyptian decor coloring logic...
  • The fact that Rorschach finally landed on a theory too outlandish even for him.
• A unintentional example in Chapter one, Rorschach interrogates Doctor Manhattan and Silk Specter in the Rockefeller Research Lab. When the Doc is walking by, the panel layout makes it look like Rorshach was checking out Doc's ass with a "Hurrm".
• This bit during Ozymandia's Nova Express interview:
  Ozymandias: To answer your question, you get to be a superhero by believing in the hero within you and summoning him or her forth by an act of will. Believing in yourself and your own potential is the first step to realizing that potential. Alternately, you could do as Jon did: Fall into a nuclear reactor and hope for the best. On the whole I think I prefer to stick to my own methods.
• Ozymandias referring to the snow outside his Antarctic fortress to Doug Roth: "Not the kind of snow (cocaine) you're used to in California, Mr. Roth."
• Though likely unintentional, it's still pretty funny when Rorschach just randomly suspects that Ozymandias is gay in the middle of their conversation and decides to investigate it later. Made even funnier in the movie, where Nite Owl passes over a file on Ozymandias's computer that's labeled "BOYS", implying that Rorschach was right.
• Laurie has revealed her relationship with Dan to Manhattan:
  Laurie: He predicted I'd tell him about you and me, then seemed angry when I did!
  Dan: Uh...how angry?
• Ozymandias demonstrating Affably Evil at its finest. When Rorschach tries to jump him from behind while he's sitting at his dinner table, he pins his sleeve to it with a fork and decks him while chiding him about his lack of manners. Then he uses a lid to deflect Nite Owl's beam weapon before throwing it at his face, breaking his nose, and finally calmly asks the two beaten heroes what he can do for them.
• After The Reveal of Veidt's Evil Plan, the last chapter starts with him (frustrated that Dreiberg still refuses to believe him) explaining it again in far simpler terms. It's a Leaning on the Fourth Wall-style recap, but you can practically hear Alan Moore thinking as he typed this, "For you idiots who didn't bother to read the last damn issue, here's what happened."
• Another funny moment courtesy of Veidt (again): when Dan tries to poke holes at his story, asking what he'd have done if the assassin he hired had tried to shoot him first, he confidently replies:
  Veidt: I suppose I'd have had to catch the bullet, wouldn't I?
  Dan (in complete disbelief): You...? Nahh, come on. That's completely... You couldn't really do that?
  Veidt: (smiles smugly at him)
• There's something funny about Veidt throwing his arms in the air and shouting I DID IT!, he looks like a little kid!
• In the midst of the destroyed New York, surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of the corpses of New Yorkers as a giant tentacle alien monster looms over them, Doctor Manhattan displays disturbed confusion...that he and Laurie showed up in New York at midnight November 2nd when he projected that they'd arrive earlier.
• The fact that Alan Moore loved Saturday Morning Watchmen.

Movie

• When Rorschach is teleported out of the military base in mid-sentence, the blotches of his mask seem to form a frowny face.
• The film actually manages to make the second sex scene more ridiculous. The music is "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, and the sequence follows thus:
  Song: And even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the lord of song, with nothing in my heart but Hallelujah.
  Laurie: *orgasms and hits the flamethrower button*
  [Beat]
  Song: HALLELUJAH!
• Also, Rorschach snapping off tall, short, and fat jokes to the prisoners as they stand outside his cell, his deadpan expression never cracking once.
  • Mook #2 is armed with an electric saw, but is easily dispatched by Rorschach slamming him into the toilet and breaking the bowl, allowing water to flow out. Rorschach casually climbs onto the bed, and within seconds the resulting puddle finds a frayed part of the wire and electrocutes the mook to death. It's interesting enough to him that he muses on it with the following remark:
  Rorschach: Hm. Never disposed of sewage with a toilet before. Obvious, really.
• "Daniel. Miss Jupiter. Excuse me. Have to visit Men's Room." "Oh for Christ's sake!" What's going on in there is probably horrifying, but Laurie and Dan's reactions are priceless.
  • It's even funnier in the book where Silk Spectre and Nite Owl manage to have a full argument in the amount of time Rorschach is inside dealing with Big Figure. Where Nite Owl mentions he once let a criminal escape because he had to pee during a stakeout, prompting him to redesign his costume.
• The look Laurie and Dan exchange after being "trapped" in the alley by the street gang.
• Dollar Bill's death in the intro is pretty funny in a weird way, as he died when his gigantic, red cape got stuck in a revolving door. It must have been pretty humiliating.
  • NO CAPES!
• Rorschach's narration in his first scene features the phrase "abattoir full of retarded children". The contrast of such a juvenile thing to say mixed with his usual disposition makes it hilarious.
  • There's also the brief moment where his flashlight doesn't work at first, prompting him to smack it to make it light up.
• Silk Spectre complaining about how awful her Stripperiffic latex outfit was. Dan takes a rather deep breath before agreeing.

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