Funny / Ultimate Spider-Man (2024)

Funny pages never use spoiler tagging — so beware of unmarked spoilers

Issue 1

• One in hindsight as May, Peter's daughter, is seen playing with a strange silver orb before Peter takes it away from her early in the issue saying its not a toy. The end of the issue reveals the orb possessed the spider meant to give Peter his powers. So no, definitely not a toy.
• This version of Jonah is introduced the only way any J. Jonah Jameson can be: storming through the Bugle screaming "Parker!" at the top of lungs. Then we get this exchange:
  Jonah: PARKER! [Sees Peter] Oh hey Peter.
  Peter: Mornin' boss. How are-?
  Jonah: No time for chit-chat. [Off-screen] PARKER!!
  • Cue a Smash Cut to the Editorial Managers' office where a very much alive Ben Parker is siting at his desk, not even phased the least at Jonah yelling for him across the office. When Jonah points out how Ben wasn't answering him, the older Parker says it was because Jonah was yelling:
    Jonah: Yeah. But I only yell 'cause you're old and I worry you can't hear.
    Ben: What?
    Jonah: Exactly.
  • On his way out of the Bugle for the memorial service, Jonah stops Peter and asks where his tie is. Peter is thrown as he stammers before admitting he doesn't think he even owns a tie. Because not only is it such a typical Peter thing for him to not think to wear a tie to the ceremony, but to not even own one despite being married and a father.
  • While Jonah is tying his tie, Peter asks how the former thinks Ben is doing in the aftermath of May's death. Jonah asks if he ever told Peter about how he and his uncle loved to sit down and talk about their feelings.
• One that doubles as Awesome, when Fisk offers Jonah's old position to Ben as long as he toes the line; the elder Parker gives the man a Fascinating Eyebrow and smirk before silently leaving the room, joining Jonah in the elevator. The look makes it clear that Ben isn't the least bit intimated by the man who, in most continuities, is The Dreaded and maybe even amused that Fisk thought that it would work on him.

Issue 2

• Peter encounters The Shocker for the first time and introduces himself by walking up behind him and asks if the criminal accidentally locked his keys inside or got locked on the top of the building.
  Peter: Orrrrrrrrrr, are you trying to to break into the bank window?
  Shocker: ......What the hell are you supposed to be?
  • Peter starts talking with the man and Shocker is just so confused by the whole situation that he actually goes along with the conversation and even seems to have a Heel–Face Turn and give up on robbing the bank. Then it becomes clear that he's bullshitting Peter who falls for it hook-line-and-sinker before being blasted off the roof into a dumpster. Peter actually chastises himself for actually falling for it when he gets home, Drowning My Sorrows in ice cream when he gets home.
  • ...At which point he notices his daughter May in the living room who from her perspective has just found a terrifying man in all black on her family's coach eating their ice cream. Yeah, Peter's got a lot of to learn about preserving his Secret Identity.
  • May is initially terrified at seeing Spider-Man in her living room, to the point of almost bursting out crying in fear. After Peter reveals himself to calm her down, the scene suddenly shifts tones as May very quickly begins acting mischievous about keeping Peter's secret from Mary Jane and Richard, forcing Peter to bribe her with ice cream.
    Peter: What do you say we wait to tell her and Richard later? For now — just for a little while — this will be our little secret. Deal?
    May (shit-eating grin): ...Maybe.
    Peter: Can I bribe you with some ice cream?
    May: Yes.
• Peter runs into Shocker again and you expect the classic Heroic Rematch where Peter trounces the villain...except the crook manages to get Peter to lower his guard in the middle of the fight by surrendering and claiming he's stealing the money to save his dying wife. Peter hesitates just long enough before he realizes something:
  Peter: Wait, is that true?
  Shocker: [Charging weapons] What do you think?
  Peter: Oh man… not again.
  [Shocker blasts Peter off the roof...again]

Issue 3

• Peter and May spend an entire page trying to figure out a new look for Spider-Man, with Peter changing his suit's appearance and asking May for her opinion. When she asks for something less scary, he tries a recolor of Ben Reilly's Scarlet Spider suit.
  Peter: You mean like this? Less scary...more cool...And red.
  May: Well, I do like the red. But it's not cool, Dad. At all. You're so old.
• Peter mentions to Ben and Jonah that the Bugle's been writing about Spider-Man instead of the Green Goblin
  Peter: Instead, they're pushing stories about the guy in the black suit. Which I get...he's extremely photogenic and, to me, seems to be a much more compelling--and dare I say charming--character. A real man of the people.
  (Ben and Jonah look at Peter silently)
  Peter: Just an opinion.
• Peter goes on a stakeout looking for the Green Goblin, asking how long it could take. Two days later, he's sitting in a web hammock eating donuts. The next panel shows him grumpily crouched in the rain under the tattered remains of said web hammock.
• After Spider-Man and the Goblin take down Bullseye, Peter stands there awkwardly, unsure of what he's supposed to do.
  Spider-Man: So should I call the police or something? I don't...I don't really know what to do next. I haven't actually caught anyone before.