Funny / Total Recall (1990)

• A news broadcast at the beginning covering the uprising on Mars claimed that the military was able to restore order with "minimal use of force", all while showing footage of resistance members being mercilessly gunned down.
• Johnny Cab:
  • His introduction had been what established the nature of who he is:
    Quaid: [confused] Where am I?
    Johnny Cab: You're in a Johnny Cab.
    Quaid: How did I get in here?
    Johnny Cab: I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?
    Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?!
    Johnny Cab: The door opened, you got in. [rolls his eyes] Hell of a day, isn't it?
  • Quaid upon being chased by Richter.
    Quaid: Drive! Drive!
    Johnny Cab: Would you please repeat the destination?
    Quaid: Anywhere, just go! Go!
    Johnny Cab: Please state a street and number.
    Quaid: [sees Richter and his partner getting closer] Shit! SHIT!
    Johnny Cab: I'm not familiar with the address. Would you please repeat the destination?
    [In frustration, Quaid rips Johnny Cab off his mount and drives the cab himself as Richter and his men begin shooting]
    Johnny Cab: Fasten your seatbelt!
  • "Quit while you're ahead."
  • Johnny Cab's last-minute attempt to kill Quaid for not paying upon him saying "Sue me, dickhead." is comedy gold if you don't find it scary: Johnny's Unstoppable Rage battle cry as he releases sparks and charges sounds goofy, and it's topped by Quaid making a likewise amusing "Eaagh!" Schwarzenegger vocalization when he gets out of the way in time.
• The whole scene with Benny trying to kill Quaid and Melina with a Drill Tank is Actually Pretty Funny thanks to delightfully cheesy, over-the-top taunts shouted by Benny.
  Benny: Hey, Quaid! Remember me? Benny! Benny's the name! [laughs]
  Benny: [after Quaid grabs a handheld drill] Oooh, that's good! I'm gonna drill you, sucker! I'm gonna griiind you up!
  Benny: [driving towards Melina] HAHAHAHAH! I'm coming! I'm coming for you, BABY!
  • After Quaid damages the Drill Tank:
    Benny: What the fuck?! Damn this piece of Martian junk! Hey, Quaid! I'm gonna squash you! Where the fuck are youuuu?!
  • And then it's all summed up by Quaid's punny epitaph.
    Quaid: Beeennny!! SCREEEEEWWWWW YOOOOOUUUUU!!
• The Hologram scene. You've probably managed to forget that Quaid has it, since it was shown only once, at the very beginning of the movie and it was never used, mentioned or referred to later. So close to epilogue, Quaid finally enters the alien terraforming device, only to be ambushed by Richter and his goons, who surround him and fire at him from all directions. Quaid falls to his knees, Richter pulls off a grand Slasher Smile that only Michael Ironside can give you... and suddenly his grin fades when he realizes that, for some reason, Quaid doesn't seem to be injured by their bullets at all. Cue Quaid standing up and laughing derisively to the bad guys' faces. Surprise, surprise, he still has that wrist-mounted hologram device after all.
  • And then there's this bit, when Quaid (the real one) stumbles upon three soldiers:
    Quaid: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You think this is the real Quaid? [they look away, expecting him somewhere else] It is! [Quaid guns them down]
  • And then there are two guys who ambush Melina and fire at her from two opposite directions... only to find out that she's using the hologram device this time. Cue Mutual Kill.
• Quaid's animatronic "big lady" disguise fails him, so he pulls off the fake head and throws to a guard coming for him:
  Quaid: Here. Catch!
  [A surprised security guard catches the head]
  Disembodied Fake Head: Get ready for a surpriiise! *BOOM*
  • "TWWOOOOO WEEEEEEEEKS!!"
  • "It's one of those classic military designed exploding large lady head bombs! Buy 'em now at your army surplus."
• After a door gets shut and causes Richter to lose Quaid (again), this happens:
  Richter: Open the goddamn door!
  Everett: I can't.
  Richter: [grabs him] OPEN IT!
  Everett: [pushes him off] THEY'RE ALL CONNECTED!
  [They both then just awkwardly stand and look at each other for a moment]
• "In thirty seconds, you'll be dead and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes."
  • In the same scene, when Cohaagen is ranting about how he didn't want any of this and just wanted his friend back, the petulant and childish way he yells "But nooooo! You had to be Quaid!"
• This little exchange:
  Richter: I want that fucker dead!
  Helm: I don't blame you, man. I wouldn't want a guy like Quaid porkin' my old lady.
  Richter: You saying she liked it?
  Helm: Ohhh, nooo, I'm sure she hated every minute of it!
• "They did! But I killed DEM!"
• "You are not you. You're me." "... No shit."
  • "Just shove real hard."
  • Quaid's expression when he realizes he has to stick the probe's claw in his nose to get the bug out.
  • While Quaid has the probe up his nasal passage, Hauser looks like he's watching the whole thing with mild but amused interest.
• Lori's death. Lori has overpowered Melina, and is about to stab her when Quaid shoots the knife out of her hand:
  Lori: Doug, honey... you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweetheart? Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married! [Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her through the head]
  Quaid: Consider that a divorce.
  [Melina gets up]
  Melina: That was your wife? [Quaid nods] What a bitch!
• "See you at da party, Richta!"
• The Human Shield guy. How his body absorbs 50 bullets and remain intact crosses many lines into Black Comedy that you can't help but laugh after the shooting stops.
• Quaid having it with the various mind games played on him.
  Cohaagen: Someone you trust wants to talk to you.
  Quaid: Who is it this time, my mother?
• The notorious Explosive Decompression scene is pretty disturbing, yet unrealistic. Fortunately, Joel from Vinesauce has a story that really sucks its creepiness out!
  Joel: This thing is going on! So, this... well Arnold was going NYEAUGH NYEAUUUGH! His father stormed into his room, screaming and sad as he goes:
  Joel's Half-Brother's father: "THIS IS WHAT YOU LIKE? THIS IS WHAT YOU LIKE WATCHING?! HUH?! HUH?!"
  Joel: And-and my brother protested like:
  Joel's Half-Brother: No! NOOOO!
  Joel: ... and Arnold was going NYEAUGH NYEAUUUGH!! And my- *chuckles* his father was like stomping up and all like:
  Joel's Half-Brother's father: "YOU CAN'T WATCH THESE THINGS! WHY ARE YOU WATCHING?!"
  Joel: ... and my- *laughs* my brother is crying like:
  Joel's Half-Brother: NO, STOP!
  Joel: And Arnold was just going NYEAUGH, NYEAUGH, NYEAUUUUGH!!! *Long laugher*
  • Even better? Those seemingly shoddy grunts Joel does when imitating Arnold aren't an exaggeration; he actually sounds like that in the movie.
• When Quaid has been drugged to prepare for being implanted, the Rekall staff starts asking him for the details on his scripted love interest, starting with his sexual orientation. After Quaid replies with "hetero," the technician gives him a slightly dismissive "huh" as if she doesn't believe him.
• A behind-the-scenes funny: while filming a take for the X-ray wall scene, the German shepherd dog on a leash stopped to make a doody. As tempting as it was to Throw It In!, Verhoeven decided not to because he wanted the audience to remember the scene for the impressive effects, not for the skeletal dog getting ready to poo.

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