Funny / The Wild Wild West

• In "The Night of the Bottomless Pit," Artie is locked in a room with two very large men who are his competition for the job of prison guard. He disposes of them rather quickly and spends the next minute or so pretending that a knock-down, drag-out fight is going on, with appropriate sound effects, all for the benefit of the villains outside. When he decides that he's impressed them sufficiently, he casually knocks on the door to be let out again.
• "Sidney" (Jim) and "Vernon" (Artie in a drug-induced haze) making their escape from the morgue in "The Night of the Legion of Death."
• The ongoing feud between Artie and the Sicilian chef in "The Night of the Infernal Machine."
• From "The Night of the Colonel's Ghost":
  (Jim and Sir Ian Gellico Cooper-Featherstone [Artie in disguise as an English big game hunter] are about to leave a room)
  Voice behind them: Rawk! Fraud! Fraud! Brawk!
  ("Sir Ian" freezes, then whips around in surprise... to see a parrot in a cage)
  Parrot: Brawk! Rawk! Fraud!
  "Sir Ian": (offended) Vulgar feathered American.
• Artie's slapstick turn as President Grant in "The Night of the Big Blackmail," complete with various makeup, prop and wardrobe malfunctions.
• In "The Night of the Bubbling Death", after using a chlorophorm-ish product on the villain's Number Two Carlotta so she won't ring the alarm:
  Artie: That's the story of my life: I touch women, they faint...
• This dialogue from "The Night of the Druid's Blood":
  Artie: That's it, Jim, come on. We're gonna put you to bed.
  Jim: I don't wanna go to bed. It's too early to go to bed.
• In "The Night of the Hangman" Artie, disguised as a reverend, must pretend to enjoy Mrs. Peacock's terrible cooking while he's pumping her for information.
  Mrs. Peacock: Are you sure you wouldn't like more of my barigoule?
  Artie: Madam, never in my life have I been more sure of anything!
• From the first reunion movie:
  Dr. Miguelito Loveless, Jr: You killed my father!
  James T. West: I don't remember killing Dr. Loveless. Artie, did you...?
  Atremus Gordon: No, I didn't...
  Dr. Miguelito Loveless, Jr: He died of ulcers!
• Artie's eulogy to himself in The Night of the Skulls, especially the reactions of those listening. At one point, even the director of the secret service (Artie and Jim's boss) clearly mouths the words "oh shut up" as Artie gets increasingly melodramatic.

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