Funny / The Ultimate Evil

The Ultimate Evil

• The conclusion Valmont draws when the Enforcers tell him about their first encounter with Valerie.
  Valmont: You're telling me that a woman beat you with a BROOM? At first I thought your failures were because Chan was rather good… but now I see that you are all incompetent buffoons!
• Anytime Valerie facepalms when the Chans choose unconvincing words to resolve situations and fail miserably.
• Valerie's cross with Jackie for bringing to Uncle's birthday party just a gift basket and the Dog Talisman.
• Valerie's reaction to the comment Jackie makes when Hak Foo literally kicks his butt during their first fight.
  Jackie: Baboon leaves toocus exposed.
  Valerie: [unsure whatever to be disapproving or amused] I think you're enjoying this.
  • This is followed by Valerie attacking Hak Foo with two named moves of her own. Qualifies also as a CMOA.
    • "MOTHER OF ALL BUTT-WHOPS FINDS BULLY'S FACE!" (punches his face)
    • "HORSE KICKS FOR THE CROWN JEWELS!" (kicks his crotch)
• Valerie's the first one to figure out that the Pig Talisman is embedded in a clock tower's mechanical pig because she spots it depicted in the tourist guide during the flight. When it dawns on her that none of the others figured it out in such a simple way (Jade and Uncle spotted it when they saw the clock tower chiming, while Jackie broke into the chocolate factory to search for it), she's bewildered.
• When Uncle gives Jackie a deadpan look for saying that "the lucky pig was how Grandpapa Ferkel melted his coco beans", Valerie surprises herself by giving Jackie a Dope Slap in Uncle's style.
• When Valerie wakes up and realizes she's actually seeing two Jackies, she exclaims "jumping Jesus on a pogo-stick".
• When Jackie uses the Monkey Talisman to turn Shendu into a rabbit, Valerie starts almost immediately adoring him in a girly way.
  Valerie: Awwwwwwwwwwwww! [tries to hide her smile]
  Jackie: It's not a normal loveable bunny!
  Valerie: But he does look positively adorable…
  [Bunny-Shendu glares at Valerie, prompting her to struggle hiding her giggles]
• Anytime Valmont and Shendu bicker when the former's body is possessed by the latter (like in canon).
• The quip Valerie gives Shendu when she frees herself from his hold with a Groin Attack.
  Shendu: I am a demon sorcerer, my dear, you cannot overpower me.
  Valerie: But you're in a mortal man's body now Shendu, that means you have weaknesses.
  Shendu: Like what?
  Valerie: This! [jerks her knee in his crotch]
  • There's something ludicrous about what happens afterwards: Shendu attacks Valerie without giving bad injuries, and after exchanging a few words with her, he takes her by surprise by kissing her. A girl strikes a demon below the ("borrowed") belt and gets kissed in return!
• When Valerie's reorganizing Uncle's library, she refuses to let him take one of the books before it's put in its proper place. As soon as she places the book on a shelf, Uncle smugly thanks her and takes it with him.
• When Valerie learns that Jade has sneaked after Jackie to stop Po Kong's release, she's shocked that Uncle and Tohru act like it's nothing new (as is the case).
• Valerie's reaction to seeing the results of Jade's attempt to duplicate herself.
  "Wha…" Valerie's voice went numb as her eyes grew wide and she blinked several times at the many identical little girls, thinking that her eyes must be playing tricks on her. "Jade! Jade… Ja… Ja… ohhhh…" Valerie groaned as her head hurt from this sudden development. She'd known that Jade had cast the duplication spell, but on herself?! How could they all possibly deal with so many Jades?!
• When Uncle fails to notice Xiao Fung is right behind him and asks Jackie where the demon is, the frustrated Valerie exclaims "For god's sake, are we in a pantomime?! Look behind you!"
• When Valerie questions why they're trying to find a way to defeat the Demon Sorcerers from the Demon Archive instead of sticking to good magic, Uncle replies "Ancient proverb… Never bring knife to a gun fight." When she tries to ask what makes that quote ancient, he just snaps at her to get back to work.
• When Valerie realizes that Shendu has started wearing a sorcerer's robe, she mistakes it for a dress. Frustrated to have yet another person calling his robe a dress, Shendu snaps to correct her.
  • When Shendu sends Finn and Ratso to retrieve some womenswear without telling them that they're for Valerie, they wonder if the dragon-demon has developed a fetish for dresses.
• The stupidity of Dai Gui is given some depth.
  As a joke, Hsi Wu – this mischievous cretin that he was – had once convinced Dai Gui that if he dug too deep into the earth, he would tunnel to the other end and fall out of the sky. Dai Gui had believed it and not ventured further than three miles beneath the surface for three years. Once he'd found out that it had been a practical joke… he'd not been best pleased to say the least.
• When Shendu promises to tell Valerie where Hsi Wu is keeping Jade in exchange for a kiss, Valerie only keeps her lips on his for one second. When she reminds him that demons like to work around technicalities, he grins in response.
• Valerie wouldn't mind if Nat were to kill Valmont. When they embark to stop Bai Tza, Val indulges in Black Comedy by saying that the "psycho" is needed to kill Valmont and get rid of the body if he tries anything.
• When the location of Shendu's portal turns out to be the Moose World of Hong Kong, Shendu has only this to say:
  Shendu: Don't. Say. A word.

The Stronger Evil

• When Valerie is having her reunion with the Chans, Uncle whacks her and proceeds to one of his usual rants. She interrupts him by giving him a hug, much to his shock.
• When the first conflict with Drago is over, Valerie is relieved Uncle is alright… until he starts one of his loud lectures.
• While Drago's chasing Jade and Valerie through the school library, the librarian keeps trying to shush them without realizing how serious the situation is.
  • Val's Berserk Button for disrespectful handling of books makes her stop and scold Drago when he's about to throw a C. S. Lewis classic at her and Jade.
  • This exchange Val has with Drago when she closes the locker he's stuck in:
    Valerie: Now you can sit in time out and think about what you've done.
    Drago: But MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
• Drago has trouble wrapping his head around being in a time period where his mother's barely older than him, and then there's his Brain Bleach moment when he considers how he might have to enforce his own conceiving.
• Val's incredulous at the world's Weirdness Censor when Drago and the Chans fight over the Water Demon chi in a popular TV show, yet it's all dismissed as special effects.
• Chapter 8 has a lot of amusing sarcastic quips thanks to the entrance of Nat and the Ice Crew.
  • Nat wants to go see Zombie Punch for Jade's birthday, which Jackie objects to.
  • Without anyone noticing, Valerie exchanges barbs with Shendu and even asks if he'll stone Drago to death.
  • Valerie quickly starts hating Strimaster Ice's way of talking so much that she runs over to him, slaps him, and demands him to gloat with proper English.
  • As Drago tries to find the flower with Earth Demon chi while Nat, angered by his arrogance and flirting, is trying to slice him with her katana, he presents two of them to her while quipping "Chi loves me… chi loves me not!"
• In Chapter 10, Drago goes through all the trouble of breaking into Section 13 and fighting his way into the Vault… just to completely ignore the demon chis in order to talk to Shendu. Val and the others are left so flabbergasted by this that they actually stop trying to intercept Drago and listen to the following conversation.
• During the big fight in Chapter 13, Drago and Nat pull a Fastball Special to send her flying at Tarakudo. Afterwards, he states it had the bonus of giving him a good look at her ass.
• When Valerie lists some of Shendu's negative attributes, he adds "stonily handsome" to that list. She can't help chuckling.
• Shendu surprises Valerie by making himself a handsome human with a glamour spell and asks if he looks handsome. She can only say he looks fake, much to his displeasure.
• When Valerie and Shendu pose as a married couple, she comes up for them the last name Stone. She knew "Mr. Stone" would hate that name for obvious reasons.
• When Valerie wakes up in the middle of her dream where she's making out with Shendu, she finds herself on the verge of an orgasm and in the embrace of Shendu who's sleeping and heavily aroused himself. Just when she thinks it can't get any more embarrassing, his casual comment about his own dream makes her realize they were both really in her dream, prompting her to leap out of the bed in alarm.
• When Jackie realizes from the news that Valerie and Shendu are at the museum's gala, he immediately rushes outside while frantically calling for Captain Black. He then pauses and "blinks stupidly" as a thought occurs to him… which is to tell Tohru to keep watch over Jade and then running off again while yelling for Captain Black once more.
• Valerie, Nat and Drago all facepalm as they witness the Chans' utterly unhelpful attempts to convince Larry to let them remove Dai Gui's chi from him.
  • When Drago calls Larry a Momma's Boy, Valerie throws him a look in response to his Hypocritical Humor.
• Val and Drago share a Reactive Continuous Scream in the 23rd chapter before they laugh at the silliness of it.
  • When Val learns that Drago had a drink with Nat, she follows her father's example and deliberately grosses him out.