The Three Investigators / Funny

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General

Although Blackbeard the Mynah Bird doesn't often make an appearance, when he does make an appearance, it's usually to unintentionally mock Pete who wants to vote out of doing a dangerous case or repeating random things in their brainstorming sessions.
- He gets an ascended role in the German radio plays, where he is usually heard squawking in the background. His catchphrase is saying 'Telephone!' whenever it rings. And among those times the Investigators can be heard telling him to shut up.
In the German radio plays, Pete has a catchphrase: "Den schnapp' ich mir!" ("I'll grab him!"), which he says whenever he tries to stop a bad guy from running away. Except its almost guaranteed that the culprit will absolutely get away when he says this. Apparently this phrase is so iconic that it has a cult following in the German fanbase.
In hindsight, it is absolutely hilarious to consider how many times Bob has been ambushed and hit on the head or gotten kidnapped. He will ultimately be okay because all three kids need to be in relatively good health by the end for future stories. But Bob getting bonked on the head (and coming out okay in a few chapters) is just as much a running theme as Jupiter's crazy ideas and Peter being afraid of ghosts. Bob himself has acknowledged how accident-prone he is, right down to the fall down a hillside that took place before the series proper began and left him with a leg-brace for the first few books.

Original Series

There's sort of a Running Gag throughout the series about how Aunt Mathilda is always trying to catch the boys into doing work at the scrapyard. This can usually be signaled by Aunt Mathilda yelling for Jupiter Jones and making some comment about how she always loses the boys in the scrapyard.
There's also a running joke involving Don, Hector Sebastian's Vietnamese housekeeper, who keeps on making strangely outlandish food. But despite never having a normal meal, Sebastian never really tells Don what's wrong and just lets him do whatever he wants.

Book # 1 - 23

#1 The Mystery of Terror Castle

Jupe's impression of Hitchcock, and his horrified, indignant reaction.
Jupe's response to Skinny and his dead rat.
"I can understand your desire to see justice done, Skinny...for I see that the victim was one of your best friends."
...
"My preliminary examination...suggests that he probably died of indigestion brought on by trying to swallow the bragging of someone whose identity, at the moment, must remain concealed behind the initials E.S.N."

#2 The Mystery of the Stuttering Parrot

Pete getting caught in the grapevine ("an unusually vicious specimen" according to Jupiter), particularly Jupiter's explanation afterward. "It was a very evenly matched test. Neither of you was using any intelligence. The vine doesn't have any, and you allowed panic to cloud your mental process."

#3 The Mystery of the Whispering Mummy

Jupe shoving Freeman in the mummy case and sitting on it.
Jupe's trick with the walkie-talkies, using his to listen in on Bob and Pete's conversation about the letter from Professor Yarborough so he can supposedly deduce the letter and its contents without their telling him anything. Made funnier that it's a bit of revenge for Pete and Bob doing the same thing to him, "deducing" how he ended up in the state he was in after spying on him through the See-All.

#7 The Mystery of the Fiery Eye

Jupiter breaking out of the chair:
"Jupe! What's wrong? Are you in a fight or something?"
"I am fighting an enraged chair. And I think I'm winning."
Like the example above, Jupe's "mind-reading" of Bob to explain what happened to the plaster bust he and Hans brought back (because Jupiter was being held captive by the villains at the time and could hear everything they told their partner to do over their CB radio).

#15 The Mystery of the Flaming Footprints

Aunt Mathilda vs. Farrier—refusing to let him get a word in edgewise, interfering with his flirting with Mrs. Dobson, shooting down his lame attempt to strike up a conversation with her, and afterward calling him "a silly ass." Also, her marveling at Mrs. Dobson having a baseball bat for intruders, while Jupiter thinks she'd use a bureau.
And the scene where Kaluk is sitting in the library of Hilltop House as if about to be served at a restaurant, only for Demetrieff to give him a hot dog he roasted over the fireplace; his disgusted expression is priceless.

#16 The Mystery of the Nervous Lion

All of Pete's snarky asides while watching Jay Eastland and his film crew and actors.

#17 The Mystery of the Singing Serpent

Mara staring down Aunt Mathilda...and winning. "Mara did have gifts."
When Pete falls over the wall and back into the compound, Jupe comes up with a lie that they were looking for their pet cat. In order to sell the lie, as they walk away, the three investigators talk loudly about how expensive Siamese cats are and how their mother was going to kill them.

#18 The Mystery of the Shrinking House

The "jewels" in the mattress in the old adobe, which turn out to be a collection of nuts belonging to a ground squirrel. The boys find this so funny they spend a whole few minutes just laughing out loud.

#19 The Mystery of the Phantom Lake

During the chase after the shed is set on fire, Pete tackles Jupe, thinking he's Java Jim; Pete is mortified, Jupiter is...less than pleased. Bob thinks it's hilarious.

#20 The Mystery of the Monster Mountain

It turns out that the key was hidden under the mattress that the imposter Anna and Havemeyer were sleeping in. Havemeyer is hilariously furious.

#23 The Mystery of the Dead Man's Riddle

Aunt Mathilda fighting off Cecil Percival (with his own cane) is both this and a Moment of Awesome.
When the gamblers' flunkies that Callow owed money to run the Percival's off the road, Bob has this to say.
Bob: That's a switch! People we don't know are usually trying to stop us!

Book # 23 - 43

#27 The Mystery of the Magic Circle

Bob mocking Jupiter's incipient Sherlock Scan:
"In the Sherlock Holmes stories, the great detective finds a collar button and immediately he can tell all about the suspect, including the fact that he was born in Ireland and that he likes kippers with his tea. You have a matchbook which is doubtless a priceless clue. Tell us about Harold Thomas!"
- The funniest part is that Jupe is able to deduce that Harold Thomas was likely Dutch because he ate at an Indonesian restaurant (Indonesia having originally been a Dutch colony).
Hitchcock declining the invitation to dine with Miss Bainbridge. "I am not at all nervous about witches—especially charming ones like Miss Bainbridge. However, when it comes to health foods—well, there I draw the line!"

#28 The Mystery of the Deadly Double

Bob and Jupiter throwing tennis balls at Pete after one too many iterations of "I'm hungry/I need lunch."
Jupiter trying to plan the entirety of their Magic Mountain excursion for "covering the most rides in the least time", with increasing complexity in trying to account for long lines, rides being out of commission, repeat rides, and so forth...until Pete and Bob get exasperated and say, "Can't we just go wherever we feel like, and actually have fun?" Jupiter is offended at first...then just shrugs, throws the plan aside, and laughs too.
Mrs. Crenshaw speaking to Pete of how she can't believe anyone could mistake Jupiter for someone else, or that there could be anyone else like him. When Pete points out that Jupe didn't say anything to the kidnappers (and specifically that he kept his mouth shut), she laughs and says that would make a difference.
Aside from Hitchcock's horror in the introduction about there being two Jupiter Joneses, there's the part from the end of the book when he names the case while making the same point to the boys. Jupiter naturally doesn't find it very funny, but Bob and Pete do. (It's also totally in character for Hitchcock, even with him having come to respect Jupiter greatly by that point.)

#29 The Mystery of the Sinister Scarecrow

Jupiter thinking antennae were going to grow on Woolley's head.

#30 The Mystery of Shark Reef

The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes moment when Crowe dryly notes being a mystery writer doesn't help him solve actual mysteries.
After Mr. Andrews tells Bob he needs to stay with him to do some interview transcription, Bob says, "I guess the fellows can manage awhile without me." Pete then responds, "Gosh, you really think we can, Records?" (gets spoon thrown at him)
This exchange, after Pete realizes that Japanese gardener Torao is no longer using his Elective Broken Language:
Pete: Hey! What happened to the way you talk? I mean, you speak English almost as good as me!
Jupiter: Better!

#31 The Mystery of the Scar-Faced Beggar

This exchange:
Pete: I'll wait with Bob. I'm allergic to guys who might get nasty.
Bob: Chicken!
Pete: I'm only ambitious. My ambition is to live until I am very, very old.

#32 The Mystery of the Blazing Cliffs

After Jupe has figured out what the villains' plan is and confides it to the Barrons, they go to meet the "aliens" in order to flush them out and trap them. Instead of bringing gold to the "UFO", Mr. Barron brings...the book he's writing, while his wife brings her wedding dress and family photos. The reaction of the "aliens" is priceless.

#33 The Mystery of the Purple Pirate

Just like the instance earlier, Jupe and Pete end up accidentally grappling each other. Except this time Bob also leaps on Pete so all three end up struggling wildly together.
Pete, sneaking around the Purple Pirate Lair from the abalone factory pier, discovers he has to swim across the cove to stay out of sight. He lowers himself along a rope, nerves himself, and discovers...in his own words "a death-defying plunge into an inch of water."
Jupe getting stuck on the roof of Evans' tower and, like a cat, being afraid to come back down. "I am not climbing back down on that route for midgets and flies...as far as I am concerned, I am ready to live up here permanently. You may ask Aunt Mathilda and Uncle Titus to send up some food and my bed!"

#34 The Mystery of the Wandering Cave Man

In a Villain Ball fashion, but it's rather hilarious that not only does Dr. Hoffer get found out because, being a scientist, he couldn't help but want to be accurate when posing as a cave man by being barefoot (never mind the costume he wears being not at all accurate, as the resident anthropologist points out), but the specific detail that trips him up: not just that modern, shoe-wearing people do not have spread-out feet the way someone used to going barefoot all their lives would, but that he has a hammer toe.
Pete taking out DiStefano by nailing in the head with an eggplant.

#35 The Mystery of the Kidnapped Whale

This bit, when the boys are trying to get Fluke into a makeshift pit they've fashioned to keep him in water until they can bring adult rescuers. Pete remarks rather pointedly that he hopes Jupiter will do his part to help them.
Jupe didn't bother to answer him. It seemed to him he had already done more than his share. The whole plan had been his idea.

#36 The Mystery of the Missing Mermaid

While trying to escape the Mermaid's Court via the dumbwaiter, Jupiter gets stuck trying to climb out, much to the amusement of his two friends. Hilarity ensues.
Pete: Jupe is in a tight spot.
- And then Pete's comment when they try to pull him out with the makeshift rope:
Pete: Okay. We'll pull. Think thin. That might help.
- Then Bob's comment about how to get him out:
Bob: We can always go get some soapsuds. Or maybe some Vaseline would help. We could dribble Vaseline down on Jupe and he'd pop right out.
Jupe now wanted to strangle Bob.
- And Pete's final comment once Jupe is finally free:
Pete: Okay, that does it! No more chocolate chip cookies for a whole month! And you start jogging tomorrow!
At the end of the case, Hector Sebastian finds the photograph of Jupe stuck in the dumbwaiter shaft, which causes both Pete and Bob to break out into hysterics. Mr. Sebastian manages to keep a straight face for Jupe's sake.
Pete: (Laughing) We were thinking of calling this the Case of the Trapped Tubby.
Bob: Or What Goes Down Must Come Up.
Jupe looked like a pressure cooker about to explode.
Mr. Sebastian: (bravely trying to keep a straight face) Listen, you two, unless you want your detective team to be known as the Two Investigators, you'd better rethink that title.

#38 The Mystery of the Smashing Glass

The boys' act to get out of more work in the salvage yard, where they feign being so weak from hunger that they can't even walk. It's so funny it makes Aunt Mathilda herself burst out laughing.
Worthington standing up to Mr. Temple and the police, and defending Jupiter from the former, is both awesome and hilarious.
After Hector Sebastian reviews their case, Don serves up some Escargo, much to the horror of the three boys. Jupe and Bob don't end up eating any more than one, but Pete found them delicious. He and Sebastian end up eating all the snails.

#39 The Mystery of the Trail of Terror

According to Mrs. Crenshaw's inner thoughts, she's actually a little intimidated by Jupiter because of how smart and self-assured he is.
Pete's grandfather's snoring is extremely loud, but when Bob claims he has a sinus problem, Pete offers his mother's analysis: "He doesn't like to be ignored, even when he's unconscious."
During the trip, an older woman actually starts hitting on Mr. Peck, much to both his and Pete's surprise. Pete comes up with a lie that Grandma (who is already dead by this point) was waiting for them which makes the lady back off. And then the subsequent conversation once they were 'safely' in the car:
Pete: Grandpa, you son of a gun! That lady wanted to move right in on you!
Mr. Peck: There's life in the old boy yet!
Jupe actually becomes briefly shy and star struck over the idea of getting to work with the FBI. ^note
Pete actually has a "Not Wearing Pants" Dream.

#41 The Mystery of the Creep-Show Crooks

Aunt Mathilda's reaction to being locked in the broom closet, and what she'd do to the culprit if she got her hands on him.

Crimebusters

The many, many outlandish diet plans that Jupiter ends up doing. From eating only alfalfa and salad, half-and-half diet (eating half of everything you want) or an only bread and butter diet, it's clear that none of them are working, but he tries anyway.
In Crimebusters and beyond, Pete has grown so tall that he physically has trouble riding in Bob's car. His designated seat is in the back with his legs up on the seat because he literally can't sit anywhere else without bruising his knees.
Pete: (groaning) Ugh, squashed in the bug again.

#4 Funny Business

Pete's reaction to being asked to jump across one balcony to another to snoop in a nearby room:
Jupiter: It looks like a short enough jump. We just need someone athletic. A football hero, maybe."
Pete: Oh no. Not me.
- He ends up doing it anyway though. And Jupiter doesn't seem the least bit concerned that he'll fall.
Pete: How do I let you guys talk me into these things?

German Extended Release

Books

Book # 56 - 71 (Henkel-Waidhofer Era)

#60 Die Rache des Tigers (Revenge of the Tigers)

At the beginning of the book, Peter is literally monkeying around. He is fooling around in a tree, roleplaying as a monkey as climbing and jumping around it, even eating imaginary fleas. Of course, his friends and girlfriends find it absolutely hilarious and are dying of laughter. According to Lys, who is an actor, Peter is a natural monkey.
Jupiter: I hereby appoint you an honorary orangutan.
For some lunch, the group orders some chicken and fries which turn out to be overly greasy and a little burnt.
The others later agreed and, at Bob's suggestion, decided to eat everything as a punishment. They added tons of ketchup and mustard to spice things up a bit.

Book # 72 - 119 (Triumvirate Era)

#72 Die Spur des Raben (The Raven's Trail)

Somehow, in the first day on the job as freelance photographers, not only did they break one of their cameras, but they snagged a photo of the elusive Raven theif and a famous actor yelling at the police.
Mr. Andrews: You really are unbeatable. You boys keep slipping into the most incredible situations that would make any reporter lick his fingers.
Peter: And it's not our fault.

#83 Meuterei auf hoher See (Mutiny at the Sea)

Mr. Andrews immediately dreading the investigator's business card because once that's out, it's guarantee that something will go wrong. And he's not wrong either.
Carol: Show me one of your famous business cards.
Mr. Andrews: Oh no. (covers eyes) Don't ask for it, Carol. Whenever the three pull out their card, its the beginning of a disaster that usually ends with another newspaper article. It's an unwritten law, so to speak.
- And Carol's response is even better:
Carol: All the better. I want to be a part of that too.

#84 Wolfsgesicht (Wolf Face)

Pete and Bob sharing and then competing for the last coke in their fridge while Jupe tries to explain the case to them. In the end, Bob accidentally leaves the bottle unattended and Pete drinks it all.
When Jupiter tells them about being mistakenly arrested by the police and getting hurt, both Pete and Bob ignore Jupe's attempts to bring attention to the bruises.

#91 Labyrinth der Götter (Labyrinth of the Gods)

Peter being more worried about his mountain bike than the fact that he had literally torn up half of his body from sliding on the gravel because:
Pete: The body heals on its own, bikes are expensive to fix.
- The fact that Peter got injured at all. His graphic biking accident in the beginning of the story has no bearing on the plot at all (the radio play even omitted the accident) other than to create banter between the three and to have everyone question what the hell happened to him.
- Maybe even funnier that Jupiter asks if he had been hit by a truck and low and behold, Peter somehow recreates this bike accident later in Der Feuergeist, which also isn't connected to the plot, except this time he does actually gets hit by a car. Don't worry, he's okay.
Jupiter and Bob teasing Pete after he had been treated for his scrapes:
Jupiter: (grinning) Now you look like a patchwork quilt.
Bob: Or like swiss cheese.
Jupiter: A worn sock.
Bob: A shooting gallery character who had been hit too much.
Jupiter: A mosquito who flew into a fan.
Bob: Like Tom after a fight with Jerry.
Jupiter: Or what-
Pete: Stop it already!
- Peter jumpscaring his father by showing up to lunch bandaged like a mummy. In fact, Peter's plan was to avoid his parents at all costs by hiding at the headquarters until his parents are asleep and leaving in the morning before they wake up.
- Pete's neighbor apparently asked him if he tried to fight a gorilla.
Jupe, Pete, and Bob visit the nursing home and they have a short conversation about whether or not they wanted to end up there. And of course, the boys can't resist heckling each other:
Bob: Jupiter must have five kids to look after him. And twenty grandchildren who will sit on his lap and tell him to tell stories of the good old days.
Pete: Exactly. And then he'll fill his pipe and take a long puff, blow the smoke slowly into the air and remember us.
Jupiter: And then I'll tell my twenty grandchildren about the day that Second Investigator Peter Crenshaw came back from a harmless race looking like a walking pizza.

#92 Der rote Rächer (The Red Avenger)

Apparently, Bob did well on his math test because Jupiter let him cheat off him.
- Even funnier is that Bob ended up getting a higher score than him because Jupiter accidentally missed the last page.
Jupiter: I won't talk to you anymore, Bob.
Bob: Because I got an A in math and you only got an B? How can I help it if the First Investigator ends up oversleeping and handing only the third page of the work.
Jupiter: Since you were staring more at my paper than at yours anyway, you should have noticed that too!
- It's never said explicitly, but it seems as though Peter actually studied legitimiately and did not cheat. Hilarious if you realize that of the two smart guys, he was the one who did his schoolwork legitimately. He was even studying for his test at the start of the story.
When Jupiter starts eating their candy stash, Bob decides to "save" Jupe by eating the candy first.
Bob: Anyway, if you keep plundering our candy like that, you'll burst first. I think we have to save you! (opens a packet of Foam Kisses)
Peter: Hey Bob, I want to get fat too!
Jupiter was not impressed by any of this.
- Bob getting worried over how many sweets Jupiter was eating:
Bob: Jupe, if you keep this up, we'll have to push you through the door with a crowbar. The poor caravan!

#109 Die Höhle des Grauens (The Cave of Horrors)

While Elisabeth and Lythia are theorizing, Jupiter immediately realizing without looking that Pete was the one of them who was getting scared.
Lythia: But Lissy! You don't have to scare the young people like that. One of them is quite pale.
Jupiter: (growling quietly) Pete, pull yourself together.
The instant Jupiter asks for volunteers to climb the wall inside the cave, Pete silently takes a step back trying to hide in the darkness.
Jupiter: (deadpan) Pete, power and strength, that's something for the sportiest among us. Where are you?

#110 Das Auges des Drachen (The Eye of the Dragon)

An reporter seems to be interviewing Jupiter about the detective agency and Jupiter elevates himself over his two friends, only to reveal that rhe reporter was actually Pete doing a mock interview as they're hiking.
Jupiter: My collegues, well, you know... Bob Andrews is a nice guy and not unintelligent, but he's still best suited for handyman work. [...] And as for Peter Crenshaw, well, now that I think about it, I'm not really sure why he's even there.
Pete: Ach, indeed.
Jupiter: Yes. Most of the time, he's a drag. He constantly harbors doubts about everything we do, he is a permanent brake that hinders my mental work. On the other hand, it's sometimes quite suitable for dealing with dangerous situations that require a certain amount of physical effort. [...]
Pete: So he's sort of the cannon fodder in your trio. (splashes him with water) You idiot!
He starts chasing Jupiter in "revenge" with some mud instead.
Pete: I'll show you what else that cannon fodder is capable of!
- Then Jupiter runs to Bob who is further ahead and tries to use him as a shield. Then they all descend into a mud fight.
Jupiter: Help me, Bob, the cannon fodder wants revenge!
Bob: The what?
Pete: Don't protect him, Bob! He has deeply wounded my honor!
Then Pete accidentally hits Bob with the mud, then Bob hits Peter back. Then they both attack Jupiter and chaos ensues.
- And then they continue to be covered in mud for the first part of the investigations causing Emily to mistake them for trolls and Dr. Wakefield and Mrs. Silverstone to be suspicious of them.
Peter making a long grandiose speech about how relaxing it is just to do normal things together only for something to happen just as he finishes. No rest for the weary after all.
Pete: Who would have thought that I would experience this with you guys again: A normal summer day after school, a picnic in the countryside, no excitement, no stress, no new case to get on my last nerve, no one to chase, no one to chase, no missing treasures, ghostly apparitions, ambushes, no sinister machinations, no ominous clients, no intrigues, plots and conspiracies, nothing to lose sleep over at night, no creepy houses with dark cellars and even darker secrets. Just some peace and quiet and some cherry pie. Wonderful.
Suddenly, a blood curdling scream.
- In the radio play, instead of only Pete talking about the peace and quiet, both Jupiter and Bob have adopted some of the lines, making the sudden scream even more hilarious.
It wouldn't be a story if Pete didn't mix up words at least once:
Jupiter: An ornithologist should be able to help us with that.
Pete: What's an ear doctor got to do with this?
Jupiter: (rolling eyes) An ornithologist isn't an ear specialist, Peter, but a bird watcher.
Pete: Oh, really?

#113 Feuerteufel (Fire Devil)

Peter trying to jumpscare both Jupiter and Bob with a zombie mask he bought for Halloween and failing miserably. Both are extremely unimpressed. The real reason they weren't afraid is because they saw him through the periscope.
Jupiter claiming he will go as 'Peter Shaw' for Jeffery's Halloween party.
Jupiter: I'll take a photo of your face, enlarge it, and make a Peter Shaw mask out of it.
Peter: (scoffing) Hardly anyone will notice the difference.
Peter accidentally finding the secret passage in the Blackstone house by leaning on a random wall.
Peter: (shocked) What did I do?
Jupiter: Peter! You've just discovered the hidden mechanism!
Bob: (patting him on the shoulder) Good work, Peter!
Peter: (confused) What? I...
Bob: (laughing) A blind chicken sometimes finds a grain.
Jupiter startling Peter awake and him thinking he was in school. This is not the first time its happened in the series. It's no wonder his grades are suffering.
Peter: (waking up) What? What's up? Can you repeat the question?
Jupiter: (jokingly) Tell me the binomial formulas.
With Mr. Moore likely out of commission as an author, Roxanne says she would like to continue the series and become a writer. She also says that the adventures of the Three Investigators would make a good book series.

#117 Der schwarze Skorpion (The Black Scorpion)

This exchange between Jupe and Pete when they find an Origami bug in Dr. Robinson's office:
Jupiter: Hm, Dr. Robinson is an origami fan! Interesting.
Pete: (confused, thinking Jupe is hungry) Ah, how did you come up with a pizza seasoning?
Jupiter: Origami, not oregano. (explains what origami is)
Pete: (trying to be smug) Why didn't you say so?
But in reality he had never heard of origami. And Jupiter knew that. And Peter knew that Jupiter knew that.
Pete relays how he got caught by the janitor while snooping around the lockers and he smacking the back of his head on the edge of the bench.
Pete: (wailing) But I'll probably die soon anyway. From internal head bleeding, ruptured veins, nerve crushing, skull splitting -
Jupiter: Don't forget brain trauma.
Bob: Probably not.
Jupiter: Why not? You never know with a hit like that.
Bob: There can't be trauma if there's nothing there.
Peter gasps. Jupiter bursts out laughing.
- And then what Bob says when taking the ice pack to get more ice for Pete's head injury:
Bob: (to Pete) Give it here, you poor sausage.

Book #120- 200 (Modern Era)

#121 Geisterzug (Ghost Train)

When the train ends up braking, the three get knocked into each other. And of course Jupiter tries to analyze the situation in the most Jupiter way possible:
Pete: There was something bright in the front window.
Jupiter: We braked then, I think. But since you were coming towards me in a ballistic trajectory, following the laws of gravity, and I was subsequently distracted, I have no reliable information at this time.
Bob: Jupiter's fine.

#122 Fussballfieber (Soccer Mania)

Jupe being absolutely terrified of being Pete's practice goalkeeper because of how determined of training he is.
Pete commenting on how crazy some people are to believe knives, owls, and flowers omens of death and Bob's response:
Pete: Crazy! What people believe.
Bob: (not even looking up from what he's reading) There are even some people that believe in the existence ghosts.
And this subsequent conversation:
Jupiter: And the only thing I know about the number seven and death is the seven deadly sins, but that's about it.
Pete: And don't forget the seven dwarfs behind the seven mountains watching Snow White die.
Jupiter: (facepalms) I think you should practice less headers, Second. There's something wrong with you today.

#127 Die schwarze Madonna (The Black Madonna)

How the parents deal with reporters vying for information and interviews about the Three Investigators:
- Mr. Andrews, who is a skilled reporter himself, uses his his vast knowledge to keep reporters busy with absolutely nothing noteworthy, usually about the latest football game.
- Mrs. Crenshaw doesn't want anyone asking about her dear precious son so she calls her father (Peter's grandfather), Ben Peck, who sits outside on the porch with a shotgun.
- Uncle Titus pretends he is hard of hearing and then acts like the reporter are applying for a job at the junkyard.

#128 Schatten über Hollywood (Hollywood Horror)

Pete dragging his friends to the Hollywood sign so he could put his initials on the 'H' tower in the middle of the night because Jeffery called him a coward.
Jupiter: What's the matter with him? Normally he doesn't get involved in such actions. What did you put in his milkshake this afternoon, Third?
- Jupiter is less than pleased about being dragged along and getting irritated when Bob reveals that he knows the place is 'haunted' because that would have been the one thing to stop Pete from dragging them out here in the first place.
- When Pete gets spooked by a supposed ghost, Jupe suddenly has renewed interest to investigate and now has no problems with climbing up the hill.
Bob: Oh no, Jupiter Jones smells a case and suddenly doesn't have the slightest problem running vertically up a mountain.
Jupiter: I don't intend to run. And as you correctly said, I sense a case for the Three Investigators. Come, collegues!
Pete: (groaning) If only I just kept walking.
The three decide to watch the blockbuster hit "Shadows Over Hollywood" and it being so boring that Pete just clocks out for most of the movie.

#132 Der Fluch des Piraten (The Pirate's Curse)

Peter comes up with a pretty spot-on deduction which leads to Jupiter saying:
Jupiter: (nodding approvingly) Peter! For today, you can think about surfing again! You have made your contribution.
The morbidly hilarious fishing venture the Investigators participate in. They manage to snag a fish and while Jupiter is trying to reel it in. Both Bob and Peter are trying to catch the flopping fish, but the two are too hesitant about killing it. In the chaos, Jupiter ends up slipping and essentially whips the fish back where it instantly dies on impact after colliding with a stump.
The fish flew in a high arc towards the shore. There, it hit a tree trunk.
"Damn!" Jupiter got to his feet and ran to where the fish lay. It stopped moving. "I think your problem is solved."
"Poor fish," Bob mourned as he approached.
Peter didn't say anything. He was sick.
"Now, it must be gutted," announced Jupiter.

#134 Der tote Mönch (The Dead Monk)

Peter having a pretty nice dream about winning a surfing competition only to be shaken awake by a "drown corpse" which was Bob trying to wake him. When Peter complains about being woken up from his dreams, Jupiter assures him that they will wake him up more "lovingly" next time.
- Jupiter guessing that Peter was actually dreaming about girls instead.
When trying to find something to eat in the headquarters, Peter finds a box of biscuits. As he is muching on them, Bob informs him that they are a year old but Peter isn't discouraged in the slightest.
Peter: Nice and ripe, that's how I like them.
- Then a few moments later, Bob:
Bob: (holding hand out to Pete) Give me one too.
- And finally:
Jupiter: (stops discussing mystery and looks at Peter) Do they taste good?
Peter: (genuinely disgusted) Terrible! I wouldn't recommend it.
Jupiter: Then I want one too.
The boys manage to survive the tunnel collapsing and are a little banged up, but of course:
Jupiter: Ow, my patella!^noteKneecap
Pete: Who does Nutella^noteA sweet hazelnut cocoa spread hurt?
- And when Peter goes to help Jupiter from under the beam:
Pete: I'll come and save your Nutella.

#140 Stadt der Vampire (City of the Vampire)

Jupiter using his Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness to apologize to Josy about Peter's mini Freak Out about vampires:
Jupiter: You know, our Peter sometimes lacks the necessary critical thinking skills. Especially when it comes to the existence of ghosts, zombies, vampires and the thousands of other spooky creatures that populate his vivid imagination.
Peter: (indignantly) I have critical thinking skills!

#146 Der Biss der Bestie (Bite of the Beast)

Pete accurately recalling everything there is to know about sabre-tooth tigers, including what time period they came from, what they ate, and even all the variants. Jupe (the guy with the encyclopedic knowledge) and Bob (the research guy) are absolutely gobsmacked.
- Turns out the reason why Pete knows all this is because he had a "Dinosaur and Mammoth" phase as a kid, and even dug for bones in his mother's garden.
Pete: I'll never forget the mountains of dishes I had to wash as punishment.
Bob thinking that Pete was going to hit Jupe because he didn't want to go on the case when in reality he just wanted to play rock-paper-scissors to decide.
- And then Jupe "cheating" the game by just making a question mark with his hands and insisting that a question mark beats everything.
Pete accidentally giving the two kids they were babysitting dog food instead of cereal.

#153 Botschaft aus der Unterwelt (Message from the Underworld)

When Jupiter finally digs the transmitter bug out of Pete's shoulder, he jokingly says that he will name the bug 'Edward'.
Mr. Grey presents Jupiter with a nightmare scenario of being forced to pick between Pete and Bob to save. Pressured, Jupe picks Pete because he believes Bob is smart enough to save himself and Peter apparently isn't.

#154 Der Meister des Todes (Master of Death)

When Jupiter goes on his (drug-induced) sleepwalk, Peter and Mary-Ann are convinced he's possessed but the puppets and try to use a cross to exorcise the demon out of him.
Bob, resident Casanova, seems to have several romances going on since he has broken up with Elisabeth.
Peter: (throws a pillow at Bob) First Elisabeth, then Brenda, recently Mina - not to mention Lesley and Jelena, and now that Kitty! You really have to be careful not to mix up the ladies at some point.
Bob: I never dated Brenda!
In a bit of darker humor, Peter, who had literally had to be revived from a cardiac arrest just moments before, telling the the Sciuttos to please finish their family drama so he can receive some much needed medical attention. Radio play Peter sounds extra done with the drama.
Peter: Now please stop your family drama. I'd like a doctor as soon as possible.

#156 Im Zeichen der Schlangen (Under the Sign of the Snake)

When a starstruck Bob gets approached by Sheila Masters (who resembles his childhood crush), he accidentally introuces his friends as 'Jest' and 'Puter'. Jupiter introduces himself properly, but Peter decides to roll with it:
Peter: And I'm Peter Shaw, hello! You can also call me 'Puter'.^note
Bob: (quickly) That's his nickname!

#162 Fußball-Teufel (Soccer Devil)

Susanne has a poodle named Hermione and then mistakenly calls Bob 'Ron'.
Normally, pretty girls catch Pete's attention, but he was so enthralled by Lenni's practice game that he doesn't spare much thought about the cute referee that talks to him.
Inspector Cotta's immediate answer to Jupiter the moment he calls:
Inspector Cotta: The answer is no, Jupiter.
Jupiter: But Inspector, you have no idea what this is about. Maybe we just want to know how you're doing.
Inspector Cotta: Jupiter, when you sweet-talk like that, I know exactly which way the wind is blowing. So for the record: Unless you're lying tied up on the tracks with a train thundering toward you, the answer is no.
Pete waking Jupiter up after he had gotten knocked unconscious at John Greyfox's house:
Jupiter: Where... where am I?
Peter: In Detective-heaven. I am the Check-in-Angel. Would you rather live on a veil cloud or a sheep cloud?
Jupiter: If the angels up there look like you, I'd rather stay down here for a while.
Jupiter's amazing statement while trying to convince Pete to go into the Hooked Nose cave:
Pete: And you can't just clump together a little mini-robot with a camera, microphone, built-in cannon that we could send in there?
Jupiter: (smiling) What for? Bob is the ears, I'm the eyes, and you are our proven all-purpose weapon.

#165 GPS-Gangster

Inspector Cotta being extremely suspicious and angry over the fact that he has to let the Investigators in on the Skull case by his chief. He sits them down and he immediately suspects Pete had snagged the police chief's daughter:
Inspector Cotta: (leaning forward) So. Did any of you catch Prescott's little daughter, or what? Peter?
Peter: Me? Why are you asking me?

#168 Das Phantom aus dem Meer (The Phantom from the Sea)

The whole reason why Peter literally almost fell to his death after falling off the edge of a cliff was because a bunch of girls mistook him for 'Texas Lamarque', Hollywood's new rising star. Peter tried to outrun them but tripped over a rock and then slid down the side of the canyon where he seriously could have died.
- It's implied that the whole reason why he didn't call 911 or an ambulance and his friends instead is because he didn't want to explain the whole incident to his mother.
- Apparently, Peter does genuinely look like Texas Lamarque.
Bob: But you also look a lot like this Lamarque. Almost more than Jupiter and Ian Carew. If I hadn't spent years with you under heaps of junk, I'm sure I'd rub my eyes at you too.
Upon seeing how pretty the beach is, Peter decides to conduct his 'investigations' by going swimming, despite the fact that it's December (so it's freezing) and he is still badly bruised from his slide down the canyon cliff. And his friends reactions:
Peter: (winking at Jupiter) You know: only the tough ones go into the garden!^note
Jupiter: (growling) Only the tough get into the garden. (to Bob) Then what are we? Soft cheese?
- Peter was apparently completely ready for this moment and had worn swimming trunks underneath his clothes and even brought goggles.
Peter has been mistaken for the actor the whole story and even finds out the man stalking him is a just a reporter. By the end, Peter is so sick of being mistaken for Texas he wants to shave his head at the end of the story.

#185 Insel des Vergssens (The Island of Forgetting)

Jupiter having his iconic 'flashes of inspiration' at the dinner table:
Aunt Mathilda: Jupiter, would you please stop it. Always these flashes of inspiration at the dining table. Can't you annoy your friends with that instead?
Jupiter: (getting up from the table) I'll do that too. I just have a theory to verify quickly. Thanks for the food! (leaves)
Mr. and Mrs. Crenshaw coming home to a party at their house. The hilarious part is that Mrs. Shaw immediately starts talking about how 'He can't be left alone for five minutes!'; at first Mr. Crenshaw thinks she's talking about their son, Peter, but she's actually talking about her father.
Mrs. Crenshaw: I'm not talking about Peter! I'm talking about my dear father! Or do you think Peter would invite a bunch of pensioners?
Mr. Castro, a pensioner: (indignantly) I beg your pardon!
- The funniest part about this is that it really was Pete's idea to have the party at his house.
- Apparently everyone at the party was hard of hearing so they yelled at each other, which caused Mr. Peck to turn up the music, which then caused everyone to start screaming at each other over the music to talk to each other. It's so loud that Peter is concerned about the neighbors, though he doesn't actually care too much.

#189 Die Kammer der Rätsel (The Chamber of Riddles)

While most students are afraid of teachers, apparently the teachers of Rocky Beach instead afraid of Jupiter Jones.
Jupiter trying to assure Aunt Mathilda that they are definitely not getting caught up in anything crazy or dangerous (but as readers we know that it absolutely will):
Jupiter: It's all about brain teasers and riddles! Completely harmless!
Aunt Mathilda: You always say that, and a day later, a special police unit storms the square!
Peter getting a horrible feeling that something is just going to go wrong because it always does. On the car ride, Jupiter is chattering away and the topic is:
How do I convince Peter that this time the story won't develop into a first mysterious, then exciting, and finally totally life-threatening case?

#190 Verbrechen im Nichts (Crime in Nothing)

So frustrated with the hijinks the trio get into, the adults basically banish the Investigators to a sleepy town literally called 'Nothing' in hopes that they don't get tangled up with any mysteries.
Jupiter: In the middle of nowhere, where nothing changes and nothing happens.
- Nothing has a ice cream parlor called 'Nowhere'.
"Welcome to Nowhere! Nowhere is the ice better!"
- Even funnier, Nothing was actually a real town in Arizona, but it has become a ghost town since 2008.
- Did this work? No. Because the Three Investigators are such natural Mystery Magnets that they their mere presence caused a mystery and crime to happen. Hearing they were coming, Ashlyn and Brian conducted a treasure hunt for them to follow, with candy in a chest as a reward. But the Sheriff, who desperately needed money, ended up falling for the treasure hunt too and ended up breaking into the barn and putting Ashlyn and Peter in genuine danger. At least the thought counts...?
In what is most definitely a call back to The Purple Pirate, Jupiter declares that he is not going to climb down Broken Nose Jump, even to go back to Rocky Beach.
Jupiter: I think I'll stay here forever. I'll never climb down that rock again.
Bob: We'll bring you a basket of groceries every day. But what do you do if we have to go back to Rocky Beach?
Jupiter: Give my regards to Aunt Mathilda and Uncle Titus. I want them to send me some books.
Jupiter's final line in the books:
Jupiter: Come on, Colleagues! The thugs in Rocky Beach have had enough off-season.

#195 Geheimnis des Bauchredners (Secret of the Ventriloquist)

Peter is the one who has the "Eureka!" Moment this time and gets the rare chance to withhold information from the ever present deduction master that is Jupiter Jones.
Jupiter: What is it?
Peter: I didn't think anything of it... But now it might be important.
Jupiter: You speak in riddles, Second.
Peter: You've been speaking in riddles since the day you were born, First. Now you know how it is.

Book #201+ (Modern Era)

#209 Kelch des Schicksals (Chalice of Destiny)

At some point in the story, the three get drenched trying to fix a spurting faucet and are given clothes. Sometime later, Pete gets so irritated by his itchy pants, that he straights up takes them off and starts walking around in his boxers. Cue very important and dramatic story beats happening, all while Pete is just not wearing pants. When he reunites with his friends, Jupiter straight up addresses Pete's missing pants as one of the mysteries that needed to be addressed (alongside all the important story stuff).

#215 Die Schwingen des Unheils (The Wings of Doom)

Jupiter deciding to "educate" the spoiled Clarkson boy visiting them by wearing the devil mask from The Dancing Devil and then jumpscaring the boy from one of their secret tunnels.
A random Big-Lipped Alligator Moment where Pete has a football with a heart on it stolen from him by a guy dressed up as cupid who kisses him two times on each cheek and tells him "Omnia vincit amor"^note"Love conquers all" before just... leaving. It makes just Makes Just as Much Sense in Context.

#218 Im Wald der Gefahren (In the Forest of Danger)

Pete spends like half of the chapters of the book completely high off his ass because he accidentally eats the plate of food meant for Addington, which had poisoned mushrooms placed there by Angela. Despite throwing up the poisoned mushrooms later, he had digested enough of it to end up completely baked. He ends up wandering randomly through the woods which had morphed into glowing alien planet in his eyes and somehow eagerly befriended a bear.
- And later after they are all reunite and the poison worn off, he manages to talk said bear down into leaving without hurting anyone.
Bob: Is that your secret superpower now? That you can talk to bears?
Pete: Yes. Since the mushroom thing, I can fly too.
- And as you can imagine, the radio play version of this scene is probably one of the funniest moments in Three Investigators history. Pete is just giggling every other sentence sounding completely stoned, talking to himself how beautiful a tree looks.
Pete: (excitedly) A BEAR!

Specials and Live Shows

Der drei Tag (The Three Days)

The fact that these three parallel days are symbolized by how the glass of coke is handled in the beginning of the story (it spills in Jupiter's story, Bob catches preemptively catches it in his story, and the glass is barely is caught in time by Bob in Peter's story and then Jupiter accidentally knocks over on Peter).

Der Fluch der Sheldon Street (The Curse of Sheldon Street)

It is absolutely baking at Rocky Beach right now. And Peter really wants to check if the fan is at max power:
Pete: Is the fan really running at full power?
Bob: What do you think? If it spins even faster, it gonna take off.
After Peter hurts himself dodging a motorcycle that nearly ran him over, Bob suggests they swap roles to accomadate Peter's injuries:
Bob: (to Peter) No problem. Then we simply swap our areas of expertise. You do the research, I do the logical deductions and Jupe does all the fighting and climbing from now on.
Jupiter: Yes, exactly. And on top of that, the humor department.
- And just before that, Jupiter describing Pete's bruises:
Jupiter: If we put you in a picture frame, you'd pass for abstract art.
As always, Peter is pretty relunctant to go into the creepy woods at night to investigate the supposedly haunted cottage. Jupiter and Peter have a little arguement and Bob summerizes it perfectly:
Bob: After all, the division of labor we've always had up to now has worked really well: Jupiter has a daring plan, Peter thinks he's crazy and wants out, and I follow, shaking my head, and later I'll write the whole thing down.

Im Zeichen der Ritter (In the Sign of the Knights)

Jupiter watching a very confused Peter randomly get a girl's number.
Jupiter: Why doesn't this ever happen to me?
Peter forgetting the projector in the trunk:
Peter: (slapping his forehead) Dear me, I forgot about the flux capacitor...
Jupiter: (rolling eyes) Novalux Projector! Novalux T-800, to be precise!
The three use the projector to play the late Chloe's tape and they find an old tape of a birthday party in it, the same one that jumpstarts the mystery in Jupiter's story. They completely dismiss it here.

Fremder Freund (Strange Friend)

Peter ends up completely ignoring the strange symbols that were part of the main mystery in Bob's story.
The trio end up selling the projector that was important in the two other stories for 200 dollars and having a night out instead.
Peter coming to the (wrong) conclusion that his mother had kidnapped Blacky. His radio play line delivery is even funnier.
Peter: My mother... kidnapped Blacky.
In order to lure out Peter's stalker, Peter was forced to leave the Three Investigators and Jupe and Bob send up interviews for a replacement. Cue some very interesting characters applying for the position:
- A boy with buck-teeth who seems to be really interested in guns and becomes confused when Jupiter tells him that they only fight with logic, thinking that it's a model of gun.
- A guy name Steve who is even more of a Dumb Muscle and Dumb Jock stereotype than Pete superficially is. He is pretty good at kickboxing and even demonstrates in front of a very startled Jupe and Bob.
- Dick Perry randomly shows up and says that he could join them and become the 'sole' detective and that the boys should go play soccer.
- In order to speedrun the suspected stalker through the line, Jupiter and Bob end up declaring that Peter's replacement cannot be a girl which sends some really bad conotations to the crowd.
- A guy named George shows up who has a cousin and another cousin who would like to join, which would become a total of five people. Oh, and they have a dog too.
When Cotta shows up to take away William, he genuinely asks Jupiter and Bob if they actually found worthy canidtates for their detective team. When they tell him no, he seems pretty disappointed because it would be useful to have more detectives like them.
Both Jupiter and Bob joking about feeling "sorry" for William because he wanted to be Peter of all people.

Funny / The Three Investigators

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