Funny / The Taking of Pelham One Two Three

• Unwilling to make a decision over whether to pay the ransom, the Major asks his wife what she thinks.
  Mayor's Wife: I know a million dollars sounds like a lot of money. But just think what you'll get in return.
  Mayor: What?
  Mayor's Wife: Eighteen sure votes.
• This exchange:
  Rico: I've worked out how they're going to get away.
  Garber: I'm listening!
  Rico: They're going to fly the train to Cuba.
  Garber: You're a sick man, Rico.
• Everything said by and to Caz Dolowicz before his demise.
  Caz: Classification's been open to women for a month and already we're in a goddamn toilet.

  Caz: Oh, come on! If I gotta watch my language just because they let a few broads in I'm gonna quit! How the hell can you run a goddamn railroad without swearing?!

  Caz: I don't give a goddamn what they were on!
  Motorman Denny Doyle: They were gonna kill me for God's sake!
  Caz: You're like the captain of the ship: you're supposed to go down with it!
  Old lady: Horseshit!
  Caz: Oh you, lady, butt out!

  Caz: Why don't you go grab a goddamned aeroplane like everyone else?!
  Grey: Because we're afraid of flying!
• Rico has a list of motormen dismissed for cause, and therefore possible suspects. There's 78 of them, but most of them are eliminated as they are dead, rehired, moved away, imprisoned, one is in a mental institution, "...and one who's a member of the New York Police Department."
  Garber: That's our man right there.
  • Sorry to disappoint you, but he was accounted for.
• At the beginning of the 1974 film, Garber is asked to act as tour guide for a deputation of senior officials from the Tokyo transit system. He asks them to follow him and walks off, launching into a bored recitation of the usual spiel about how the New York City metro system has X thousand miles of track, etc. Then he realises that they're not following him, and infers that they don't speak English. As the first act unfolds, his explanation to them of what they're seeing gets more and more ridiculous (since he assumes that they don't understand what he's saying). Finally, when it's become clear that there's a hijack underway, he tells someone to "...take these monkeys up to thirteen?" The leader of the deputation says in perfect English, with a friendly smile, "It is all right, Lieutenant Garber. I'm sure we can find it by ourselves." They all bow politely and leave, each thanking Garber in perfect English. It's worth it just for the look on Walter Matthau's face.
  • As Garber takes the Japanese officials into the transit police HQ and begins talking about it:
    Garber: Things are usually jumpin' pretty good in here.
    (The next scene shows bored police officers doing make-work to kill time, and the office is clearly not to full capacity.)
    Garber: ...There's our artist in residence. And right through here is our operations lieutentant, Mr Rico Patrone, who on weekends works for the Mafia.
  • Garber's introduction of the cantankerous Desk Train Master during the tour:
    Garber: ...Mr. Frank Burell, the Lord Byron of the New York City Subway system. Observe the way fire and smoke shoot out of his ears.

• After speculating the whole time about whether the undercover cop is a man or a woman, it turns out to be the guy dressed as a hippie. Except when Garber gets there he's unconscious with his face down, and Garber assumes he's a woman.
• When the Bureau Commander is told that the Mayor is coming.
  Bureau Commander: (sarcastic) Terrific! Tell him we'll hold the crowd until he gets here.
• When the crowd starts shouting angrily down the street, the Bureau Commander correctly infers that the mayor has arrived.
  Bureau Commander: (surprised) Jesus, it's the goddamn mayor!
• The end of the movie. Throughout the film, Mr Green (Longman) keeps sneezing and Garber replies with "Gesundheit!" each time. At the end of the movie, it looks like Longman is about to get away with it as Garber leaves, when suddenly Longman sneezes. Garber says "Gesundheit!" from behind the man's front door and then reopens it - the camera slowly zooms in on Garber's face, which has "Gotcha!" written all over it.
• The one hostage who spends the whole movie passed out drunk in her seat. She doesn't come to until after the Pelham stops after being shot through the tunnel at 90 mph.
  Drunk Woman: (groggily) 42nd street already?

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