Funny / The Simpsons Season 35

The Simpsons Funny Moments Index
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Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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751 - Homer's Crossing

• Otto steals the bus after eating an entire pan of acid brownies. Later, the kids speculate on what they think happened to him.
  Milhouse: What do you think happened to Otto?
  Nelson: Jail.
  Bart: Jail.
  Lisa: Jail.
• Homer saves Ralph's life, but then has to be talked down from spiking him like a football.
• When Homer blames the failure of crossing guards to maintain order on a low budget, a surprising person acts as the voice of reason.
  Sideshow Mel: Throwing money at a deeply flawed institution is bound to work.
  Chief Wiggum: Um, have you all been huffing evidence powder?
• When Homer does get the huge increase in budget, Lisa points out the problem.
  Lisa: Dad, I worry that this huge increase in money and power is subtly corrupting you.
  Homer: Oh, honey, relax. There's nothing subtle about it.
• Lisa tries to state the episode's moral to Homer. Unfortunately, Bart burps in her face, and interrupts the lesson in the process.
  • Lisa specifically uses the phrase “When All You Have Is a Hammer…, everything looks like a nail.” When the family starts arguing, Homer sees them all as nails.
    Homer: [transforms into a hammer] Must hammer nails.

752 - A Mid-Childhood Night's Dream

• Inner Lisa remembers everything Lisa said "exactly as Marge heard it," so she mistakes lucid dreaming as Lucy dreaming.
• Ms. Peyton insists on making sure all the boys in her class start wearing deodorant when they get to 5th grade.
  Ms. Peyton: They look like kids, but they smell like unwashed cab drivers!
• Bart calmly explains why he does not want to give a thumbs up at Bounce-a-thon.
  Bart: Mom, please respect that this is who I am this year.
  Marge: Wow, Bart, you sound so mature and grown-up. I hate that!
• Marge tries to get to Bounce-a-thon, but unfortunately, can't use the car due to vomiting in it. As such, she tries to use a scoooter to get there, but has to stop every few minutes to vomit repeatedly.

753 - Mcmansion & Wife

• Marge welcomes new neighbors and remarks that it's been too long since she had someone to welcome. As she gives them a welcome basket, she has to remove a "Sorry to See You Flee" sign.
• After an assembly on bullying, Nelson starts giving wedgies to more people.
  Martin: He's become even worse.
  Lecturer: Yeah, my lectures have made bullying worse in every school we've been do. We hoped this time would be different, but guess not.
• During a montage of the Simpsons hanging with their new neighbors, we see the Van Houtens sitting by the Hibberts.
  Kirk: Why aren't we friends like that? Is it because you're a doctor and I'm out of work?
  Hibbert: No, because we're not even dining together. You just moved your table closer to ours. (chuckles)
• When Lisa manages to stop Nelson's bullying, Bart starts giving him orders.
  Bart: Give me your vest! (Nelson removes vest, showing his nipples and belly button with red skin) Wait, is your shirt just painted on?
  Nelson: Yeah. (Bart gives the vest back)
• Thayer is dealing with a customer when Homer arrives to discuss the construction at his home. He passes the customer to Ol' Gil, who loses the sale after he can't find a pen to sign the papers.
  Gil: I used to have a pen, but my wife got it in the divorce.
• When Homer's neighbors try to upgrade their house, Homer suggests using fire to get rid of them, but Marge still won't let him, forcing him to hide the matches and kerosene he had on hand.
• A flashback to the founding of Springfield has Jebediah Springfield showing the new town to his son... who looks a lot like Mr. Burns.
• Along with being the site for the founding of Springfield, the Simpson home was also the site of a witch burning... in the 1940s.

754 - Thirst Trap: A Corporate Love Story

• After Persephone gets Burns to agree to help her, he gives her cooling tower A.
  Lenny: He always said that Tower A held so many good memories. Don't know why. (we see numerous people trapped in the tower cement)
• Homer has a fundamental misunderstanding of how tech salaries work.
  Homer: I gave Marge 200 stock options to go grocery shopping.
  Marge: It didn't work at all! I had to put all the food back on the shelf.
• Homer asks the camera man if he can do Aside Glances like in The Office (US). He then does just that when he walks in on Persephone and Burns getting married.
• Burns decided to buy Twitter to protect his wife.
  Burns: The previous owner was desperate to sell after his self-powered rocket hit the International Space Station.
  • This is followed up when the false documentary style of the episode shifts from critiquing Persephone to singing her praises, only to reveal Burns bought the production company.
• To keep Carl quiet, the company threatened to expose his deepest, darkest secret — that he's a big Jimmy Buffett fan.
• Peter Jackson reveals footage of The Beatles discussing water, while an increasingly exasperated Paul asks that they get back to recording. In The Stinger, he shows footage of them discussing umbrellas.
• Why does Burns finally break-up with Persephone?
  Burns: It's wasn't that she was evil, I love evil. It's that she still insists she's good.

755 - Treehouse of Horror XXXIV

A - Wild Barts Can't Be Token

• When Homer reveals that as an NFT, he's worth over a million dollars.
  Marge: And that was just Bart. Imagine what we'd get for Lisa.
• Marge learns from a cat NFT that she becomes more valuable by getting rid of other tokens.
  Marge: So to get to my son, I just have to kill all of you guys. (the cats react in shock)
• Kirk and Wiggum both try to make their kids the next NFT for money, but they end up fused and in pain. Marge grants them a Mercy Kill.
• Bart briefly tries to get Marge to enjoy NFT life, but Marge just continues to kill the tokens.
  Bart: You never like my friends.
• Homer sells himself as an NFT for $100 million, right as the craze dies and he becomes worthless.
  • As he yells a Big "D'OH!", it causes an avalanche that buries the block chain train. What is Homer's response to this cruel turn of events?
  Homer: Ah, the romance of train travel.

B - Ei8ht

• While Bart and Marge's deaths in this alternate universe were Tearjerkers, with Bart being murdered by Bob and Marge dying of grief, Homer died from choking on a tennis ball.
• Sherri's grave reads "Sherri Mackleberry. Beloved wife. Creepy sister".
• Lisa tries to insist that she can't be the murderer.
  Lisa: I turned my trauma into character. Oprah said so!
• Even in prison, Sideshow Bob can't escape rakes.

C - Lout Break

• When told by Smithers that he can't eat donuts in the turbine room of the nuclear plant, Homer asks, "Since when?" Smithers points at a sign that reads "No eating in the turbine room since always." What's more, the figure on the sign is clearly based on Homer, meaning he's the only one who would even think of doing that.
  • There's a similar sign on the life extension lab; it reads "No eating here either."
• Bart finally realizes where original Homer is: the restroom at the car wash, because that's the nearest bathroom Marge lets him use after eating from Gary's House of Beaks.
• No one in Frink's team agrees to name all his devices after him.
• Homer claims that everyone becoming like him is a utopia, as tons of citizens die from acting like Homer.
• Frink tries to get Homer to agree to have his DNA extracted for a cure by showing him Marge has been infected and Homerized. While the kids react with horror, Homer thinks Marge has never looked more beautiful.
• "Donut Stu has diabetes type II!"

756 - Iron Marge

• Bart tries to watch John Wick.
  Bart: Ah, the fictional violence that Mom won't let me watch! (hears car crash and looks outside window) Cool, real life violence!
• Bart and Lisa find a spy kit while shopping for a gift for their mother. Bart imagines using it to get dirt on Nelson, while Lisa imagines getting secret information on what'll make her cool.
• A billboard next to the arcade shows a line saying "Itch, Please." Milhouse points out what it means.
  Milhouse: Oh, I get it. Itch rhymes with bi- (Kirk covers his mouth)
  Kirk: Stop! Mom hates that word. Believe me.
• While trying to learn more about Marge, Lisa comments that the spykit shouldn't be able to open locks as it's just a toy, but finds it actually worked.
  Lisa: Ugh, now I'm concerned about the gummy cyanide pills.
• The kids learn that Marge had a parrot growing up and they spent lots of time together.
  Bart: Aw, they were best friends, like me and Santa's Little Helper. (Santa's Little Helper whines because of his empty food bowl) Not now, boy.
• Eventually, Bart and Lisa decide to track down Marge's parrot, but have to take a 3 hour bus-ride to get there.
  Bart: Oh well. I'll just amuse myself by kicking the seat in front of me until the screw falls out. (starts kicking)
  Lisa: Uh, that's so immature. (Bart continues kicking) Well, you have to kick closer to the screw. (joins in on kicking)
• At North Townsburg, Bart points out the corner where Nicolas Cage went crazy. The statue commemorating it shows him naked and holding a banana to the neck of a mailman.
• Homer and Agnes after getting stuck in a sinkhole:
  Homer: There's no one around to help. We scared everyone away from the park. Is that ironic?
  Agnes: Ah, shut up.
  Homer: No, I'm really asking.
• Eventually, Homer decides to help Agnes escape the sinkhole.
  Agnes: I'm going to tell everyone you're down there, making me the number one informer for the watch app!
  Homer: (smiling pleasantly) She's horrible.

757 - It's a Blunderful Life

• Lisa wants to avoid killing a turkey for Thanksgiving.
  Lisa: There's a lot of buzz about faux turkeys this year.
  Bart: Said no one ever.
  Lisa: Right now, they're perfecting the taste, but in the future, faux turkeys will taste really good.
  (Cut to Future Bart trying Future Lisa's faux turkey)
  Future Bart: Nope. Still sucks. (Gags)
• When Homer reveals that he has a contract to get all of Bart's drumsticks, using Bart's newborn footprint as an alleged signature, Bart strangles him in retribution.
• After a musical number about how Burns is hiring non-union workers, he wonders how they can sing so well. Smithers reveals they're all college theater majors.
  Workers: (singing) It's this or teach!
• Future Lisa muses on human nature.
  Future Lisa: In times of crisis, people come together...and blame a scape goat.
• The Simpsons have to deal with another angry mob.
  Lisa: Do you know how many angry mobs the average family has to deal with?
  Bart: Uh, six?
  Lisa: Zero!
• Homer tries to Call-Back to his line from the movie about trust.
  Homer: In every marriage, you only get one chance to say 'I need you to trust me.'
  Marge: You've said that 18 times!
• Marge is uncertain whether to trust Homer. Someone shoots an arrow into her hair with the note "Leave Him."
  Marge: Mom!
  Mrs. Bouvier: I was aiming for his eye!
• Homer tries to look on the bright side that being expelled from Springfield is that he's away from Flanders, only for Ned to reveal that he had his house moved next door.

758 — Ae Bonny Romance

• Homer goes on a rant about destination weddings that goes on for what seems for days. When Bart goes looking for Groundskeeper Willie and looks in a ditch, he finds Homer, who continues where he left off.
• While on a nicotine-fueled rampage, Martin Prince tears open a backpack... and sits down to read a social studies textbook.
  • A quick look shows the school bus crashed into the gym's roof.
• Lisa attends the Fringe theater festival. Among the highlights are:
  • Ticket Booth, an outdoor performance that Lisa mistakes for an actual ticket booth.
  • Three Tall Guys Eating Cereal, which is Exactly What It Says on the Tin.
  • The Fourth Wall, whose set has an actual fourth wall blocking the audience's view.
• "This is the worst thing that ever happened in this castle's beheading room!" Followed by a view of a tapestry depicting said beheadings.
• Homer's shout of how everyone now thinks "Homer Simpson is vanilla in the sack!" echos all over Scotland... and ends with "bad at sex!"

759 - Murder, She Boat

• During the parody of the Love Boat opening, Sideshow Mel is introduced as "B-list celebrity"
• Lisa doesn't believe that Bart's innocent in breaking a valuable doll for a good reason.
  Lisa: You've ripped the heads off many of my dolls, from Malibu Stacy to Lionheart Frank.
  Bart: But those weren't valuable. They were yours!
• Bart then decides to convince her by telling her all the lies he's ever told her. It takes a while.
• Lisa eventually finds the toy head under Bart's bed, which hurts her because she actually trusted him.
  Marge: Sweetie, you've just learned one of life's hardest lessons. Even if you love someone, they can still continually disappoint you.
  Homer: For your mother, it's me.
• Comic Book Guy learns how much all of Springfield hates him.
  Comic Book Guy: I am not a beloved quirky character like Kramer. Instead, I am widely reviled, like the actor who played him.

760 - Do the Wrong Thing

• Skinner's never written letters of recommendation, just notes to judges asking for leniency.
• Bart's opinion on watching Homer's fishing contest.
  Bart: If I wanted to see Dad sit around and do nothing, I'd visit him at work.
• We see that in addition to the fishing contest, the sports network is showing a rock skipping contest.
  Moe: They are really scraping the bottom of the barrel for new sports.
  Barney: Yeah, and barrel scraping is next.
• The entire montage of Homer and Bart cheating in contests, especially when Bart signals Homer in the poker tournament using a rectal shocker.
• Lisa accuses Homer and Bart of doctoring photos to get her into college. Bart denies this for one reason.
  Bart: Why would we cheat to help someone who's already good at something?
  • When Lisa reveals that Homer's been cheating at an axe throwing contest, the Sea Captain drops his axe. After which, we hear:
    Moleman: Ow, my foot!
  • When Homer tries to defend himself, he goes to throw the axe but accidentally launches it behind him...and hits Moleman again.
    Moleman: Ow, my stump!
• When it's revealed that Marge cheated to help Lisa, it sickens Homer to the point he repeatedly vomits into a nearby bush, blaming himself (and Bart) for ruining Marge.
• When Homer asks to apologize for misleading the rowing coach at the camp Lisa wanted to attend, the dean claims she's used to it. We see the entire rowing team in capsized boats outside the window.
• The dean offers Homer a position teaching a class on cheating. Homer declines, but the last scene shows the class being taught by...
  Bart: Look to your right. Look to your left. Those are the people you'll be cheating off.

761 - Frinkenstein's Monster

• The opening of the episode has this line: "This episode is based on true events. Every other episode is nothing but lies."
• An organization chart of the plant in the flashback from twenty years before has Homer in third place, behind only Burns and Smithers. The chart for the present day has Homer at the very bottom, behind not only his fellow employees, but also several security dogs and even a traffic cone.
  Homer: Hey, I hired that cone!
• At Moe's Tavern:
  Homer: I used to be a go-getter; now I drink other people's drinks.
  Barney: Hey, what happened to my beer?
  Homer: Leprechauns.
  Barney: Again?
• Homer has apparently left the Nuclear Plant so often, they have a unique form for him quitting.
• After Frink gets called out on helping Homer steal a job he can't do,
  Frink: Oh my God, I've become a mad scientist.
  Talking Gorilla: I, uh, think you've crossed that line a while ago.
• Eventually, Dr. Svinak confronts Homer and Marge about how Homer took her job.
  Dr. Svinak: I'm the qualified professional that your husband stole a job from.
  Marge: You'll have to be more specific.
• After Homer comes clean during a ski trip, he accidentally skis toward a cliff.
  Homer: Do I still have health insurance?
  New Boss: Cancelled...1 minute ago.
  Homer: Nobody call an ambulance! (goes over cliff and crashes multiple times on way down)

762 - Lisa Gets an F1

• Homer insists that he'll do anything he can to help Lisa with her anxiety, until her psychiatrist mentions a contributor is Homer's driving.
• Later during the documentary, we find out Homer was sentenced to community service for his reckless driver.
  Homer: Will I come off well in the documentary?
  Documentarian: I don't see how.
• Paolo insists he hates Lisa and her whole family after she beats him in a race.
  Paolo: Say bad things about her so that I can agree.
  Bart: Well, I've never met her before, but from a brief glance, I can say she's an animal-loving, butt-kissing know-it-all who burps broccoli and farts tofu and won't do her brothers homework no matter how many euros he offers.
• Homer dreams of racing against Lisa as Wario and Mario in Mario Kart, blowing up Yoshi Millhouse with a Blue Shell before Bob-bombing Lisa. Homer wakes up horrified.
  Homer: It’s-a me, Wario! It's All My Fault! Wahh!
• After Lisa and Marge overcome their fears, Homer becomes the overly anxious member of the family and tries to stop Lisa from racing.
  Homer: Marge, stop her, I've never been more worried.
  Marge: Well I've never been more relaxed.
  Lisa: Hey, Mom. Can I drive?
  Marge: I don't see why not.
• Despite everything that happens to Lisa's car after it gets sabotaged, she stays remarkably cool.
  Lisa: OK, missing a wheel and no brakes, but I'm still in control. (steering wheel comes loose) Alright, not in control, but still calm. Wow, I am calm. I have a great therapist.
  Therapist: (panicking) She's gonna die!

763 - Clan of the Cave Mom

• To go to a concert, Bart tries to fool Marge with the clean version of a Spanish song. Lisa shows her the translated, explicit version.
  Bart: Why'd you rat me out?
  Lisa: Huh, why? (holds up mangled Malibu Stacy) What do you think, Malibu Stacy with a dog toy for a head?
• During one of the flashbacks to the past, caveman Homer chases after a deer through a field of thorns. Unfortunately, he's as dexterous as modern day Homer, and just runs through the thorns.
• Lisa tries to get Marge to calm down by teaching her to meditate and lighting a scented candle. She then needs to keep her distracted when the candle lights the curtains on fire.
• Marge's desperation to get Bart to the front row of the concert: she throws all the kids on to the roof of a truck, slips chips into purses of other attendees so the scanner will tackle them and slides into the VIP section using butter for popcorn.
  Marge: We're either leaving here in $50 T-shirts or handcuffs!
  Martin: Perhaps a third option will present itself?
• Marge and Bart's resolution of the conflict is mostly heartwarming, but still has some funny given the insult to Homer.
  Marge: Oh honey, I just don't want anything bad to ever happen to you.
  Bart: I can handle bad. I just can't handle losing the only good parent I've got.

764 - Night of the Living Wage

• Lisa starts the episode by going for a walk with Snowball II
  Lisa: I don't care what Bart says. There's nothing crazy about taking your cat for a walk.
  Crazy Cat Lady: (in gibberish) That's how I started, too.
• When Lisa arrives in a park for therapy animals, another girl tries to kick her and Snowball II out. Lisa insists that Snowball is a loving cat, only for her to attack the girl's therapy chicken.
• To pay the veterinary bill, Marge says she's going to have to get a job which she's never done. Bart calls her out on that statement.
  Bart: Please, you've had dozens of jobs. Cop, realtor, gym owner, chauffeur...
  Marge: Yeah, but all of those were for my personal growth. This time, it's not personal.
• When Marge gets overwhelmed at her new job, she lets out an Atomic F-Bomb. Someone just brings her Pho to cook with.
• What's the last straw for the kitchen staff convincing to join a union: not making a biased video instead of paying them, but the fact that the video is animated instead of live action since they're all adults.
• Homer and Marge's entire televised fight regarding unions.
• The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue narration from the Wise Guy.
  Wise Guy: ...And Marge forgave Homer for his actions, but proceeded to bring it up everytime they fought for the rest of their marriage.

765 - Cremains of the Day

• When Moe is nervously watching a match he bet on, he pulls out a carton of cigarettes. Not to smoke, but to eat.
• Bart and Lisa's adventures in the funeral home, including the Sea Captain giving a eulogy for his parrot, Bart hanging off a coffin being lifted and Robert F Quimby Jr insisting his 92-year old grandmother died from the vaccine.
  Joe Quimby: You're an embarrassment to this family, which is saying something!
• Reverend Lovejoy assumes the funeral is for Homer, despite him sitting right in front.
  Marge: Homer, say something.
  Homer: I would, but he's saying such nice things about me.
• Homer's thoughts on his dependents include Marge, his kids, Grandpa...and for some reason, Ralph Wiggum.
• Despite Moe being the one to convince Homer to keep the sapphires in Larry's urn secret, Moe throws him under the bus when Lenny and Carl find out too.
• Fat Tony tells Mickey "No Loose Ends" to let Homer and the guys go since they don't know anything.
  Mickey: Got it, no loose ends.
  Fat Tony: I really got to start paying attention to the nicknames when I hire these guys. Can you go pick up Connie from the airport, Bruno "Wife Banger"?
  Bruno: You got it.
• "These electric cars even explode quietly."