Red suggests getting Andy a gift, and his friends agree. Remembering that Andy had been planning to make his own chess set, he says, "Guy likes to play chess. Let's get him some rocks." Heywood nods agreeingly...but then the phrase sinks in and he looks puzzled, turning to Red like a lost puppy.
While working in the field, the inmates try to find rocks for Andy's project to make chess pieces, and Heywood thinks he's found a good one until:
Floyd: Heywood, that isn't soapstone. It ain't alabaster either. Heywood: What are you, a fuckin' geologist? Snooze: He's right, it ain't. Heywood: Well, what the hell is it, then? Red: A horse apple. Heywood: ...Bullshit. Red: No, horseshit. Petrified. [Heywood pulls the "rock" apart, revealing that's exactly what it is.] Heywood(disgusted): Oh, Jesus Chr— Not again. [The other inmates crack up.]
The prisoners are helping Andy to set up the prison library, coming across :
Heywood: Treasure Island. Robert Louis— Andy: Stevenson. 'Fiction' > 'Adventure'. What's next? Red: I got here... Auto Repair and... Soap Carving. Andy: 'Trade Skills and Hobbies'. Goes under 'Educational'. Stacked behind you. Heywood: Count of Monte Crisco. Floyd: That's 'Cristo', you dumb shit. [Red grins with laughter.] Heywood: By Alexandree... Dumbass. Dumbass. [Red finally bursts out laughing.] Andy: ...dumbass? [Heywood, amused, shows the book as "proof".] Andy: Du-mah. You know what it's about? Heywood: Uh-uh. Andy: You'll like it. It's about a prison break. Red: Well, we ought to file that under 'Educational' too, oughtn't we?
As tragic as the fate of "Fat Ass" is, some of the other inmate's lines are hysterical:
"Fat Ass":(sobbing to guard) I'm not supposed to be here! Random inmate: Me neither! They run this place like a fuckin' prison!
When Hadley comes out to quiet down the noisy inmates, bellowing "What in Christ's sake is this happy horseshit?", one particularly brave random inmate gets off the absolute zinger of a line, "He took the Lord's name in vain! I'm telling the Warden!"
And Hadley's reply:
"You'll be telling him about my baton up your ass!"
As brutal and utterly heinous he truly was, Captain Byron Hadley was a goldmine of unintentionally (?) funny lines:
"You eat when we say you eat. You shit when we say you shit, and you piss when we say you piss. You got that, you maggot dick motherfucker?" "What the Christ is this happy horseshit?" "What is your malfunction, you fat barrel of monkey spunk?" "I ain't going to count to three! I'm not even going to count to ONE! You will shut the fuck up, or I'll sing you a lullaby!" "If I hear so much as a mouse fart in here the rest of the night I swear by God and sonny Jesus you will all visit the infirmary. Every last motherfucker in here!"
Not to mention his whole exchange with the other guards and Andy about his windfall:
"Dumb shit, what do you think the government's gonna do to me? Take a big wet bite out of my ass is what." "Oh that's funny. You're gonna look funnier sucking my dick with no teeth!" "Bunch of ball-washing bastards!"
Combined with Mythology Gag, when Andy asks "Red" why people call him that, Morgan Freeman replies "Maybe because I'm Irish" and tops it with a nonchalant little nod of self-assurance.
Heywood, of all people, gets a pretty good crack when overhearing Hadley's bitching about inheriting $35,000 from his dead brother.
Heywood: Poor Byron. Terrible fuckin' luck, huh? Red: Cryin' shame. Some people really got it awful.
Andy offering to help Hadley avoid paying taxes on his inheritance is Hilarious in Hindsight when you realize that Clancy Brown also played Mr. Krabs, who was famously stingy with his money.
The day the prison receives a shipment of books, they come with a letter for Andy, who's been sending letters to libraries asking for funding. It closes with, "We now consider the matter closed; please stop sending us letters!" In response, Andy decides to start sending two letters a week instead of one. The man is nothing if not a Determinator.
The end result: Andy wins and the library gets expanded.
Red: Appropriations Committee voted an annual payment of $500, just to shut him up.
Tommy's story about one of his previous crimes.
Tommy: So I'm backin' out the door, right? Had the TV like this... [Mimes his grip] Big ol' thing. Couldn't see shit. Suddenly, there's this voice: "Freeze, kid! Hands in the air!" Well, I just stand there holdin' on to that TV, so the voice says, "You hear what I said, boy?" And I say, "Yes, sir; I sure did; but if I drop this fuckin' thing, you got me on 'Destruction of Property,' too!"
Andy's first conversation with Red brings up the Running Gag of the inmates saying they weren't guilty and were only incarcerated because their lawyers screwed them over. When Tommy joins the crew, Andy remembers exactly what Heywood said as a response: "Me? A lawyer fucked me." The look on Heywood's face is an expression that can't really be described with certainty.
Norton's To the Pain speech is one of the most chilling things in the whole film, to where there's maybe a few Black Comedy ingots thanks to how he words things ("fucked by a train" for one). But then he brings up the thought of burning all the books in Andy's library, and that he and his staff will dance around it like wild natives. Keep in mind - this is a prison warden that wants to holler and rave all around a huge burning book heap.
And while it's a cold and chilling closeout, Norton's smug smirk and nonchalant announcement that Andy will have to spend a second month in solitary can be darkly comedic; that is, if you don't hate the bastard's guts instantly.
What is Norton doing before he learns of Andy's disappearance? He's checking out some new shoes he bought, except Andy stole them and replaced them with his own shoes.
Norton's Villainous Breakdown after discovering Andy's escape. What makes it so great is when he starts throwing rocks around Hadley and Red, the sadistic prison guard and the old prisoner, have the exact same expression of befuddlement at both the situation and Norton's behavior. It's a perfect combination of Evil Is Hammy and Chewing the Scenery in one perfect package.
Norton: Lord, it's a miracle! Man up and vanished like a fart in the wind! Nothing left but damn rocks on the windowsill. And that cupcake on the wall. Let's ask her. Maybe she knows. What say there, fussy britches? Feel like talking? Aw, guess not. Why should she be any different? This is a conspiracy. That's what this is. One. Big! DAMN! CONSPIRACY! AND EVERYONE'S IN ON IT!! Including HER!
Red: "Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to." As narrated over a scene that shows Andy vomiting from the sheer reek that surrounds him. Red's right - he really doesn't want to imagine it.
In a Deleted Scene, a smaller officer was sent into the hole Andy dug to see if he's still in there. What the officer finds is a heaping pile of shit that makes him vomit his stomach out. Red can't help but laugh himself silly, landed him in solitary confinement for two weeks, yet he still finds it funny. This also means that Red learned what Andy meant about "Easy time in Solitary."
The Stealth Pun reveal that Andy hid his rock hammer inside his Bible...specifically in the Book of Exodus, which happens to be the book in which slaves were freed from the brutal rule of an insane tyrant. To make it even better, "exodus" essentially means a long journey, kinda like travelling from Maine down to Mexico. Seeing the warden being trolled so effectively is hilarious, not least because of his reaction when he realises that's exactly what's happening.
Red talking about Warden Norton after he splatters his brains all over the wall.
Red: I like to think the last thing that went through his head — other than that bullet — was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.
" and tops it with a nonchalant little nod of self-assurance.