Funny / The Sandlot

The Sandlot

• When Smalls tells Mr. Mertle the now-destroyed ball was signed by Babe Ruth.
  Mertle: George signed this?!
  Smalls: George Herman Ruth? Yeah.
  Mertle: [amused] I take it back. You're not in trouble; you're dead where you stand.
  • Before this, Mertle was built up by Squints to be a Scary Black Man. When the kids own up and say what was going on, he gives this:
    "Why didn't you just knock on the door? I'd have gotten it for you."
    (cue everyone screaming "SQUINTS!" and pelting him with their hats)
• After Smalls gives his stepfather the new autographed baseball to make up for the one he lost.
  Even though Bill loved the Murderers' Row ball, he was still plenty mad about me having swiped his Babe Ruth-autographed ball and ruining it, so I didn't feel too bad when he grounded me for a week... instead of the rest of my life.
• The look on DeNunez's face after Smalls runs the ball to him all the way from left field.
• FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!....
• The boys opt to give up on playing baseball during a hundred degree day. Benny's attempts at Reverse Psychology fail hilariously.
  Benny: Anyone who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama's bra, raise your hand.
  (everyone immediately and gleefully raises their hand)
• "Even though none of us had actually seen a Playboy magazine (which we constantly lied about), we figured going to the pool was the next best thing."
• Squints' Kiss of Life
  Wendy: LITTLE PERVERT!
  Timmy: Oh man, he's in deep shit!
  • The build up to the above mentioned scene.
    Scotty Smalls: (narrating) We all went [to the pool] because... well... because Wendy Peffercorn was the lifeguard. […] And one day, it became too much for Michael “Squints” Palledorous. And he did the most desperate thing... any of us had ever seen.
  • "Three summers of this, I think he finally snapped."
  • The icing on the cake is The Drifters song "This Magic Moment". The comedic timing of it playing as Squints makes his move is perfect.
• The immortal line: "You play ball like a GIRL!" Made especially funny by the reactions of the other kids, who immediately go dead silent like Porter just said the "F" word in church. To drive it home even more, the song that was playing for the last minute or so, "Green Onions" by Booker T. and the M.G.'s, gets cut off immediately. Judging by his expression after he said it, even Ham realized he crossed a line but stood by the insult.
• Ham's psyche-out conversations with the batters of the snobby team, making them all strike out.
  Ham: You know, if my dog... was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt, and tell him to walk backwards.
• After smoking the other kids, the Sandlot crew go to the fair with a large bag of tobacco ("Big Chief! The best!") in tow. The kids dip heartily and then go on a ride, which turns very messy by the end. The gradual expression on the kids' faces from jubilation to pained is particularly hilarious.
• When Ham hits a home run, everyone yells at and hits him with their gloves for losing the ball while he just runs the bases, bragging.
• The "exploding treehouse." Granted it's not really exploding; it's just a vacuum cleaner after The Beast pinches a hose shut, blocking the air and making the pressure build up. But from the boys' point of view, it's a case of Outrun the Fireball.
  Hamilton: IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!
• Yeah-Yeah's close encounter with the Beast, which has him retreating in full-blown panic, including tribbing his lips with his finger like a cartoon character.
• During the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue, Bertram is mentioned to have "really got into The '60s and no one ever saw him again." The narrator's delivery of the line sells it.
• Squint's tale of how The Beast came to be. While it serves as In-Universe Nightmare Fuel, the delivery and especially the noir-style cutaways are so over the top that it comes right back around to being hilarious.
  • Doubles as Fridge Brilliance, since it later becomes obvious that The Beast isn't a monster dog - he's just a normal dog, built up in the kids' imaginations.
• Scotty's realization that the Babe Ruth who signed his stepdad's baseball which he just lost to The Beast is the legendary ballplayer the guys have been referring to by nickname this whole time.
  DeNunez: The Sultan of Swat!
  Bertram: The King of Crash!
  Timmy: The Colossus of Clout!
  Tommy: The Colossus of Clout!
  All: BABE RUTH!
  Hamilton: The Great Bambino!
  Smalls: [beat] Oh my God, you mean that's the same guy?!
  All: [exasperated] Yes!
  * Then when the next part of the realization hits him...
  Benny: Smalls, Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player who ever lived! People say he was less of a god, but more of a man, like Hercules or something. Now, that ball, you just aced over that fence... well... it's worth more than your whole life, man.
  Smalls: (collapses to his knees) Ugh... I don't feel so good...
  All: (they all use their gloves, hats, and in Squints' case, his glasses to fan him)
  

Heading Home

• The scene where the kids go into Mr. Mertle's abandoned house.
• "I'm the biggest!" "Don't you mean the fattest?"
• Two-ton's uncle tries to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on Tommy, who's just waking up.