Funny / The Professional

Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

• In the opening scene Leon takes out a drug dealer's henchmen and then sneaks up behind him to hold him with a knife to his throat. Leon tells the dealer to dial a number, presumably his employer, who in no uncertain words tells him to get out of town and never look back, and then asks to speak to Leon again. He tells Leon to "make sure he understands". Usually in a crime story you would expect this to mean leaving the target with a grievous but survivable injury as a reminder, but Leon is visibly confused by this instruction. After a few seconds of thought he settles for this:
  Leon: Do you understand?
  Dealer: [nods]
  Leon: So say it.
  Dealer: I understand.
  Leon: Beat Good. hands the phone back and retreats into the shadows
• Stansfield pausing in the middle of killing Mathilda's family to discuss classical music with the father.
  Stansfield: We said noon — I've got one minute past. (a long silence) You don't like Beethoven. You don't know what you're missing: overtures like that get my... juices flowing. So powerful. But after his openings, to be honest, he does tend to get a little fucking boring. (he laughs) That's why I stopped!
  (he sighs and turns to the thugs behind him)
  Stansfield: Toss the apartment.
  (as they start ransacking the place, Stansfield continues. He is pointing an accusatory finger)
  Stansfield: You're a Mozart fan. I love him too. I looooove Mozart! (in a very bad German accent) He vos Austrian you know? (in ordinary voice) But for this kind of work.... (he mimes playing the piano on the mantlepiece) he's a little light. So I tend to go for the heavier guys. Check out Brahms — he's good too.
• When Stansfield’s guys toss Mr Lando’s apartment,Willie Blood gets distracted by a record.
• "...Okay, pilgrem!"
• Leon teaching Mathilda how to snipe in Central Park. Leon tells her to pick anyone, except for children or women. The ONE person Mathilda chooses turns out to be a politician doing a publicity stunt, and the bullet she uses is from a paintball gun. The target turns out to be all right, just that he's uncomfortable from a bunch of bodyguards dogpiling him to form a meat shield.
• For a regular comedy moment: Mathilda just fired six shots at random. Cut to Léon and Mathilda walking down the street, carrying their belongings.
  Léon: Mathilda, don't you ever do that again or I'll break your head. You got that?
  Mathilda: Okay.
  Léon: I don't work like that. It's not professional. There is rules!
  Mathilda: Okay.
  Léon: And stop saying "okay" all the time! Okay!?
  Mathilda: Okay.
  Léon: Good.
• Leon at one point tells Matilda to stay away from a guy giving her cigarettes saying, “stay away from him, he looks like a weirdo.”
• The scene in the unedited version where Léon gives Mathilda a target practice lesson... in the middle of a drug dealer hit. You can hear the guy murmur "What the fuck is this?" in disbelief a couple of times until Léon puts him down for good.
• Léon showing Tony his new apprentice.
  Tony: Isn't there supposed to be an age limit?
• Stansfield's reaction to being shot in the shoulder has less to do with being wounded and more to do with being pissed his suit's ruined - he even stamps his foot like a child. He also wanders absent-mindedly around the apartment following the raid, including into the path of his goons' weapons and has to be led out by Malky, his second-in-command.
  • One such pass causes his goons to startle.
  • There’s something a bit funny about how Benny almost shoots Malky and then walks into the apartment as instructed in a casual manner as if nothing happened.
  • Immediately following this scene, Malky puts Stanfield in the hallway while trying to calm him down. An inquisitive old woman peeks out of her apartment to find out what all the noise is about.
    Old Lady: What's happening out here?
    Malky: It's alright, ma'am, go back inside. DEA. Police.
    Old Lady: Why don't you leave that poor family alone?
    Malky: (to Stansfield) Everything's alright, just calm down. (Goes back inside the apartment).
    Stansfield: (while reloading gun) I am calm! I'm calm.
    Old Lady: Why don't you leave them alone?
    Stansfield: *raises his gun and shoots out the pane of glass right next to her* He SAID, 'Go back inside'!
    Malky: (returns and quickly begins dragging Stansfield back into the apartment he'd just let him out of) Stan, I think it's better if we go inside now, alright?
• A bit of Cringe Comedy, but it's pretty funny watching Mathilda troll the hotel owner by telling him Léon isn't her father, he's her lover. The guy's Reaction Shot is priceless.
• In one scene, Stansfield is asked by law enforcers to give information about where the kids were during the murder of the Lando family. He responds that the kids should have been at school and when he storms out of the apartment in anger, he takes a random kid’s basketball and tells him “kids should be at school”.
• When Leon goes to the federal building to save Matilda, he punches a cop and a mug turns that says “Me boss. You not”.
• When Blood unpacks Matilda’s guns, he finds pizza, he is told by his friend that it might be poisoned but he says, “there’s no anchovies on this.”
• "Hey, I said take the guy out, not the whole fucking building!"
  • To add to the hilarity of this quote it's said by Stansfield of all people.
• Tony assuring Léon his money is safer with him than in a bank, because banks get knocked off and no one knocks off Old Tony, and at the bank there's tons of forms that need to be filled out. The latter is justified as well, since Léon can neither read nor write.
• After Léon confirms that he's a hitman, Mathilda responds with a flat "Cool", leading to a very amusing Eye Take out of Léon.

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