Funny / The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

• Frodo and Sam are climbing down a cliff using the Elvish rope from Galadriel — they realise they can't see the bottom due to fog when Sam loses his footing, asking Frodo to catch something that fell from his pocket (which turns out to be chicken seasoning), then causing Frodo to fall...a very short drop, it turns out.
  Frodo: I think I've found the bottom.
  • And then Sam laments about having to leave the real Elvish rope tied to the rock at the top of the cliff to continue their journey:
    Sam: Well, there's nothing for it. It's one of my knots. Won't come free in a hurry.
    [he pulls — and the rope immediately unties and falls to the ground]
    Frodo: [in a amused "well, damn" tone] Real Elvish rope.
  • This scene could be interpreted in two ways: either the rope magically untied itself due to its Elvish make, or Sam isn't actually as good as tying knots as he says he is.
    • Word of God is that the elven rope has a limited sapience, knowing when its master wants it to be tied and when they want it untied.
• "Manflesh!" Then, the other Uruk-Hai looks upward. Does he think Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are flying after them?
• After running for several days on end to avoid Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, even the orcs are considering unionizing.
  We're not going no further, till we've had a breather!
• When the lead Uruk-hai, Ugluk, reminds his restless soldiers that Saruman wants Merry and Pippin alive, one particularly smartass Orc, Grishnakh, asks "Wot about their legs? They don't need those to live!"
  • The mere fact that the Always Chaotic Evil Orcs are clearly about to either mutiny or unionize after running for three days straight and demand a break.
  • An Uruk-Hai complains "We ain't had nothing to eat but maggoty bread for THREE STINKIN' DAYS!" An orc then whines "Yeah! Why can't we have some meat?!" This is the only time in the trilogy where the forces of Isengard and Mordor manage to agree on something.
  • When one of the Orcs pulls a knife on the Hobbits, Ugluk decapitates the disobedient Orc and barks "Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!" Cue the famished Orcs gleefully tearing the corpse to shreds in their hunger.
  • On a meta level, many amused commenters have noted with varying degrees of seriousness that the Orcs apparently know what a "menu" is, which therefore logically implies the existence of Orc restaurants.
• Éomer telling Gimli "I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground." This is undercut, though, by Legolas' immediate CMOA response ("You would die before your stroke fell!")
  • The "Nice to meet you too, asshole" look on Gimli's face when he hears this is also quite humorous.
  • As is his look of shock immediately after, when tensions reach the breaking point. He clearly didn't expect things to escalate so quickly.
  • Then there's the exasperated expression on Aragorn's face as he motions for Legolas to lower his bow. You can almost hear him thinking, "I can't take you two anywhere..."
• Then there is the moment in the second movie where Aragorn kicks an orc helmet and screams loud after being led to believe Merry and Pippin were dead. A serious moment under normal circumstances, if you don't take into account that Viggo Mortensen actually broke two of his toes during that shot. The scream is so realistic because he screamed out of actual physical pain rather than the emotional response of the character.
• Pippin's Double Take when he sees Treebeard.
• Encountering Treebeard, Pippin telling Merry "Don't talk to it. Don't encourage it."
  • The moment before when Treebeard wakes up and Pippin stares at him, then turns to look back at Merry and Grishnak...and then he hears the tree he's in make a sound and he slowly turns to look back at Treebeard.
• After reuniting with Gandalf (and learning that he Came Back Strong as "Gandalf the White"), Gimli says something bad about Fangorn Forest. The trees reply with groans of anger. Gimli immediately takes back his words and starts flattering them.
  • Gets even funnier when Gandalf explains just why they have nothing to fear from Fangorn and playfully knocks Gimli for his concern:
    Gandalf: A thing is about to happen that has not happened since the Elder Days: The Ents are going to wake up, and find that they are strong.
    Gimli: Strong? [trees groan again] Oh, that's good.
    Gandalf: So stop your fretting, Master Dwarf. Merry and Pippin are quite safe. In fact, they are far safer than you are about to be!
    Gimli: [to himself] This new Gandalf's more grumpy than the old one...
• Gimli, about the Rohirrim: "You'd find more cheer in a graveyard."
• There's the scene with Gandalf walking calmly and confidently up to Théoden, ignoring the chaos as Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli bat guards out of the way in the background.
  • The highlight of that part is, while Legolas and Aragorn are punching and tripping the guards, Gimli seems to be just ramming headfirst into people.
  • Also at the end of the fight, the hilarious look of terror on Grima's face when Gimli pins him to the floor with a boot on his chest.
  • Before the fight even starts, the look on Grima's face when he notices Gandalf's staff shows he knows exactly what's about to happen.
• Just before that, when they're disarming to enter the Golden Hall and Gandalf convinces Hama to let him keep his staff and then gives Aragorn (and the audience by extension) a little knowing look with a slight twitch of the eye — literally blink and you'll miss it but delightfully devious... In the nicest possible way.
  • Also, the way he leans on Legolas as they enter to make himself appear frail.
• After Gandalf cures Théoden, there's an unintentional Double Entendre:
  Gandalf: "Your fingers would remember their old strength better if they grasped your sword."
  • Followed by the badass moment of Theoden drawing his sword...and then giving Gríma a rather hearty Death Glare. Cut to Gríma being bodily chucked down the long stairs at the top of Edoras.
• After Grima's been delt with, we're treated to a scene of Éowyn picking up a longsword and performing a few swordplay moves in the throne room. When one such swing is casually blocked by Aragorn, she gives him a wide-eyed Oh, Crap! face. When he asks her if she's any good with a blade, she simply pushes aside his sword and gets into a combat-ready stance, never saying a word nor making a sound the entire time.
  • A funny moment within a funny moment: When she deflects his sword, her expression never changes, with naught but a shift in stance also changing the meaning of her expression from "Uh-oh" to "Don't tempt me, old man". Aragorn promptly stands down.
• What Éowyn told Aragorn about fearing a cage (like in the book) becomes funny on a meta level since Nicolas Cage had been offered the role of Aragorn, but turned it down.
• Gollum shrieking and wailing over Sam making a stew out of the rabbit he caught, complete with the immortal line, "Stupid fat hobbit!" — particularly as Sam only takes offense at "fat." The two then go on to argue about how best to prepare (or not prepare) food, sounding very much like two cooks fighting over who gets to grill at a barbecue.
• And who could forget PO-TAY-TOES!
  "Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!"
• The discussion of Dwarf women:
  Gimli: It's true, you don't see many dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for dwarf men.
  Aragorn: [whispering] It's the beards. [Éowyn chuckles]
  Gimli: And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no dwarf women! And that dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! [Éowyn laughs] ...which is of course, ridiculous!
  • This information, except for Aragorn's elaboration, comes straight from the appendix of the books, so this could be considered a CMOF for Tolkien himself.
• In the Extended Edition, Éowyn proudly offering Aragorn a bowl of horrible-looking stew that she has concocted (which includes what looks like a large lump of solid fat), and then watching him eat, so he has to choke the whole thing down. She turns away, he goes to immediately dump it out, and then she turns around and he accidentally sloshes half of the bowl of very hot stew all over his hands. This is almost immediately followed by Éowyn mentioning how her uncle talked about some of Aragorn's past exploits that shows how old Aragorn really is, and Aragorn sheepishly admits that he's 87.
  • Before she offers some to Aragorn, she passes by Gimli, who politely declines. The fact that Gimli, the dwarf who casually downs Gargle Blasters refuses to eat it should be a sign that neither should you.
  • Remember that as a ranger, Aragorn himself probably had to survive on nasty edibles before and the stew in question is still able to turn him off immediately.
  • The stew in question has reached memetic levels in recent times. Fans would say that the stew in question:
    • Was what really killed her parents in their attempts to avoid their daughter's cooking. Her father rode towards Orcs to avoid her cooking.
    • Knocked 3 decades off Aragorn's lifespan resulting in him dying around the age of 210 as the average lifespan of the Dunedain is 240.
    • Killed the Witch-King of Angmar as she laced her sword in it. Alternatively, the flames that forged her sword was the same that was used to cook the stew.
    • Could've destroyed the One Ring if it was dropped into it.
    • The hidden reason why Aragorn chose Arwen.

• Gimli versus Wargs. Kills one and it falls on top of him. While trying to lift the warg off an orc pokes its head up and he kills it, adding to the pile. Cue the second warg, a look of absolute Oh, Crap! from Gimli...and Aragorn kills it, plunging another massive heavy body on top of Gimli. Gimli's face, a mixture of Oh, Crap! and You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!, really sells it.
  • Before that as well, Gimli fell off the horse he was sharing with Legolas near immediately, saw a Warg coming for him only for it to be killed by Legolas and then the aforementioned happened to take him out of the rest of the battle.
    Gimli: [to a Warg] Bring your pretty face to my axe!
    [Legolas rides by and shoots it]''
    Gimli: That one counts as mine!
  • Gimli also clearly doesn't approve of the Warg Riders' bathing schedule as he gives the orc a sniff after breaking its neck and obviously doesn't like what he smells.
• Sam when Faramir asks his relationship to Frodo:
  Faramir: His bodyguard?
  Sam: [dismissively] His gardener.
• Saruman reaching over to keep Wormtongue from holding a candle over a pot of gunpowder (which is also a Shout-Out to Army of Darkness). A sort of Fridge Funny moment would be imagining just what would have happened if Saruman had been a little slower.
• The contrast in the Lock-and-Load Montage before the Battle of Helm's Deep. Théoden has his armour put on for him by Gamling and uses the free time to recite some (presumably traditional) poetry over a dramatic montage of the other men and boys of Rohan despondently taking up old weapons and putting on ill-fitting armor. Then there's Aragorn, who's calmly, efficiently, and methodically gearing up on his own without a word because this is just another day on the job for him.
• "If we had time I'd get this adjusted. (chainmail crashes to the floor) Beat It's a bit tight across the chest!" The "Of course it is" looks on Aragorn and Legolas' faces just sells it.
• There's something both heartwarming and hilarious about Aragorn hugging Haldir when the Elves first appear. Haldir is not a hugger.
• As our heroes are awaiting the attack on Helm's Deep, the camera pans along the top of the wall, showing a row of soldiers... and a gap right next to Legolas with just the top of Gimli's helmet visible.
  Gimli: You could've picked a better spot...
  • And then later, as the orcs get hyped for the upcoming battle.
    Gimli: What's happening out there?
    Legolas: Shall I describe it to you, or would you like me to find you a box?
    • There's then a pause, and Gimli actually laughs instead of getting angry, making this also something of a CMOH.
    • It gets better a moment later when Aragorn roams by to look out over the oncoming army...and stands behind Gimli so he can see through the gap.
    • "If it's luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night." "Your friends are with you, Aragorn." "Let's hope they last the night."
• At the beginning of the Battle of Helm's Deep, an old Rohirrim archer loses his grip on his arrow before the order is given. His shot nails an Uruk-hai right in the throat, and the Orc unceremoniously falls face-first into the mud. The rest of the Uruk-hai, who had been stomping and roaring throughout the whole thing, immediately stop what they're doing and stare at him in utter shock. It's like they're all thinking, "No fair! We ain't done yet!"
  • Also darkly hilarious is the long tortured moan that Orc lets out as he falls. You can almost hear his final thoughts. "Ten thousand of us, and you hit me? Oy..." The arrow goes through his body as he hits the ground!
  • What makes the scene even funnier is Aragorn shouting 'Halt!' in Sindarin without looking, thinking it was an intentional shot and the one responsible an immortal Elf, instead of an old Rohirrim man who is shocked at his own results.
• A blink and you'll miss it moment, while Aragon is shouting commands, an elf on his right reacts to another elf's quiver getting into his face before preparing an arrow.
• During the fight at Helm's Deep, Gimli and Legolas start up their Body-Count Competition again. Gimli has two, Legolas seventeen (helps that he was one of the archers before the orcs got ladders up.) Gimli's pissed that he's so far behind and his next attack puts his ax right into a climbing orc's family jewels.
  Gimli: Legolas! Two already!
  Legolas: I'm on seventeen!
  Gimli: Huh? I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me! *cue Groin Attack*
  • Also before that, an Uruk berserker is carving up elves left, right, and centre. Gimli dives forward, sliding along the ground and coming to a stop right under the Uruk, grinning evilly, and then brings his axe right up between the Uruk's legs.
  • Then the next time we see him, he's standing on the wall between two ladders, and racking up a pretty impressive body count by knocking the Uruk-Hai off each one methodically, and having the time of his life with every kill. Becomes much funnier when you realize that this is how he obviously caught up to Legolas — by being a Combat Pragmatist. His very audible counting is what sells it, echoing well into the next shot of the far-off causeway.
  • The deleted scene showing the result of their bet. Legolas: 42, Gimli: 43...then Legolas shoots Gimli's last kill.
    Gimli: He was already dead!
    Legolas: He was twitching!
    Gimli: He was twitching? Cause he's got my axe embedded in his nervous system! [punctuates by jerking the axe, inducing more twitching].
    • Also a meta example — Peter Jackson was fully aware of the Anachronism Stew.
• Aragorn's amusement being written on his face well before Gimli admitted that he needed to be tossed onto the causeway - he cottoned on quicker than the dwarf!
  • Gimli's comment as well after making the request:
    "Don't tell the elf."
• Aragorn and Gimli are clearing the causeway of Helm's Deep. As the Rohan soldiers board up the breached door, Theoden yells at them to 'get out of there!'. Aragorn gives him a look that says 'seriously?' given them being blocked out and Uruks coming from behind. Cue Legolas standing on the ramparts with a rope yelling 'Aragorn!' in an overly dramatic fashion.
• When Theoden yells at Aragorn to retreat into the keep of Helm's Deep, Gimli literally has to be hauled away by Legolas and another elf as he kicks and yells at them to stop it.
• After several hours of deliberation amongst the Ents when presented with news of war:
  Treebeard: "The Entmoot has decided that you (Merry & Pippin)... are not orcs". (smiles proudly while the other Ents nod very cheerfully)
  Pippin: "Well, that's good news."
  • Note that when Treebeard first tried to relay this news, he actually fell asleep mid-sentence. Another Ent nudges him awake.
  • Also note Merry, who is getting increasingly frustrated by how much time is being wasted.
• "That doesn't make much sense to me. But then you are very small."
  • What happens beforehand between Pippin and Treebeard doubles as both a CMOF and a CMOA. Treebeard is taking Merry and Pippin home after the Entmoot results in no response to Saruman's treachery. Then Pippin realizes that getting Treebeard to take them to Isengard will set him off and finally get him to go to war. How does he do this? Through the most laughably transparent bullshitting Middle-Earth has ever seen. The best part is that it actually works:
    Pippin: The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm. It's the last thing he'll expect!
• The Last March of the Ents, while incredibly awesome, has one incredibly funny background moment: The Ents so far have had no casualties in the fight. One of the trees catches on fire then. Naturally, Treebeard commands his kin to break the dam and let the water flood. Cue flaming treedude randomly running into the water to douse the flames.
  • There's an easily missed but darkly hilarious moment in that same battle when the Ents are ripping open the dam and one of the nameless Ents tosses an Orc into the flood. He doesn't just grab him off a rock and throw him in immediately, he's already holding the struggling Orc beforehand but visibly waits until the river is roaring by so he can drop the Orc into the deluge and watch him get obliterated.
• After the Battle of Isengard, a famished Merry and Pippin find a storeroom full of food ... and miracle of miracles, a couple of barrels of Longbottom Leaf (aka the Shire's most popular pipe-weed). It gets even better when fridge hilarity kicks in and you realize that they're smoking Saruman's stash.
  • Pippin asks if they should share it with Treebeard, and Merry says no.
    Merry: Dead plant and all that. Don't think he'd understand. Could be a distant relative.
  • Even funnier when you remember how Saruman gave Gandalf grief for being a smoker in The Fellowship of the Ring, and Radagast for his mushrooms in The Hobbit.
  • Word of God says that actually the reason Saruman started smoking was because of Gandalf.
  • And then Treebeard comes over and sniffs the air as a laughing Merry and Pippin hotbox the storeroom enough that the smoke comes pouring out the door.
  • Not to mention, when Pippin finds the apple, he looks up, a Call-Back to the first film when Aragorn hits him in the head with one for his second breakfast.
• In the deleted scene where Frodo and Sam discuss to Faramir over how they are getting into Mordor via going into Cirith Ungol, you can spot Gollum realizing that Faramir knows what's really in there, tries to slink and sneak off without being seen as they do, Faramir reaches out and grabs him by the throat before he can even get inches away.

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