Link: Oh man! What they throw me in prison for? Navi:Well gee. I wonder... Narrator: Seconds earlier... Flashback!Link:Ladies, say hello to Mr. Penis! Link: Oh, come on! That's just how guys say hello. Navi: No, it isn't. That's how crazy people say "Please arrest me."
Ganondorf: You see, the crime rate in Hyrule has gotten so low that the king is going to have to let some of his guards go. So, in order to improve the economy, I have become... a criminal! Link: Let me get this straight... you're being evil... to be nice? Ganondorf: Yes!
Link: (singing to the tune) I got a sword! I got a rupee! I got another rupee! I got a shield! I got a stick! Navi: Okay, that DOES IT! IT'S A STICK! NO ONE GETS THAT EXCITED OVER A STICK! The sword I can understand, and maybe the shield, BUT IT'S A STICK! If you do that one more time, I'm going to kick you in the kidneys until you pee blood, then I'm going to stick your face in it and make you drink it! (later) Mido: ...from now on, we're enemies. Link: (singing to the tune again) I made an enemy! (sounds of kicking and grunts of pain) Narrator: Trust me, you really don't want to see this. Link: Aah! My kidneys!
After the opening credits, Link pointed out that it tasted like Raspberryade.
Link burning down the Lost Woods while trying to get rid of some cobweb in his way.
Link killing Darunia's pet dodongo.
Link forgetting to rescue the Gorons in the Fire Temple.
Link mistaking Tatl for Navi and never realizing they aren't the same.
Link getting distracted by the aliens while they abduct the cows and Romani.
Link telling Lulu that he accidentally ate her babies and thought Mikau had drowned, so he chopped off his face to use as a mask and buried him.
Link forges an alliance with Igos du Ikana to march to Clock Town and destroy the Skull Kid... and then fails to heed Igos' warnings that he's weak against sunlight and burns a curtain to brighten up the place.
Guru-Guru: ALIENS STOLE MY SPERM! Link: Uh huh. Guru-Guru: MY NOSE IS A COMMUNIST! Link: Mm hmm. Guru-Guru: MY THORAX IS ON FIRE! Link: Riveting, can I have the mask? Guru-Guru: EAT MY SISTER!
This conversation between Tael and Skull Kid.
Tael: All I'm saying is "Sure, she bakes both cupcakes and muffins, but you can't have both." To make one is to discrace the other, and that is blasphemy. Skull Kid: But doesn't crucifixion seem a little harsh? Tael: THAT PINK BITCH DESERVES TO DIE! Skull Kid: Okay, sorry!
"BECAUSE FUCK CONSISTENCY!"
Link meeting Zubora and Gabora in MM Episode 5
Link: Hey, can i get some help? Gabora: (muffled) HELP ME! Link: What? Gabora: (muffled) THIS MAN IS INSANE! Link: What did he say? Zubora: Pay no attention to my friend, his words are of no concern to you... Link: I'm trying to figure out a way to get to the Snowhead temple. Can you help me out? Zubora: My friend, I'll be more than happy to provide you my services. But before we begin, I must ask you this question. And I want you to answer honestly. Link: Um...Okay. Zubora: Look at my nipples, is this not the finest set of nipples you've ever seen on a man? Link: What? Zubora: I can see you are impressed. Link: What the hell are you talking about? Zubora: I can see the confusion in your eyes. You want to ask me about my clothing do you not? Link: Not really. Zubora: This uniform, you see, was custom-made to reveal my beautiful tits in all there splendor, for you see these nipples are a god-given gift, for a man to possess such glorious tits and hide them from the world, would be an act of blasphemy. Link: Dude, what the fuck? Gabora: (muffled) YOU HAVE TO GET ME OUT OF HERE! HE FORCES ME TO STARE AT HIS NIPPLES! IF I DO NOT COMPLY...HE LOCKS ME IN THE BROOM CLOSET! Link: What did he say that time? Zubora: HE SAID 'MIND YOUR OWN GOD DAMN BUSINESS', THAT'S WHAT HE SAID! Link: So is this guy like you gimp or something? Zubora: Ewww. Dude no... That would be totally gay. Link: And showing me your nipples isn't gay? Zubora: THIS my friend is not about sex. It is about serving GOD. Gabora: (muffled) IT'S TOTALLY ABOUT SEX! Zubora: SHUT YOU GODDAMN MOUTH! Link: I don't feel like we should be here anymore... I think we should go...
In MM episode 7, Link pretty much sums up his entire character.
Link: You're ugly, and I hate you! Hobo: Whyyyy? Link: Because douche! Hobo: Oh, okay.
TheBigT2000's series
NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH! I DID NOT COME ALL THIS WAY LISTENING TO THIS ASS, TO HAVE YOU TURN US DOWN AT A SECOND NOTICE! WERE GETTING THAT STONE AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS! AND THEN WE'LL TAKE IT AFTER WE MAKE YOU CLEAN IT OFF! *Beat* GOD DAMN IT!
Link and his 'Ahem' "Conversation" with Embros in part 7.
Embros: All shall DIE and turn to ash! Naught shall exist but the charcoaled remains of the amish!
The opening to part 8.
Boy: I love trains! Do you love trains I LOVE TRAINS Trains are awesome THEY'RE SO AWESOME TRAINS! Train Trains Trains (voice changes to a demonic pitch) TRAINS! Link: ...What the fu-- (intro starts)
The entire Telma segment in Twilight Princess Abridged, as well as Link's nervous breakdown(s) throughout.
Link and a Darknut attempting to out-Woobie each other, which ends with them hugging it out a la Drake & Josh.
Doubles as a Heartwarming Moment, as they finally found another who shared in their plight.
Link being ultimately unfazed by Armogohma, not even reacting to its Clipped-Wing Angel form (beyond nuking it with a Bomb Arrow, that is).
Alternative Title(s):Legend Of Zelda The Abridged Series
