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Funny / The Last Samurai

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Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

  • On the first day of new recruit training, we get this little gem from Billy Connolly's character:
    Gant: RIGHT, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! YOU WILL STAND UP STRAIGHT OR I WILL PERSONALLY SHIT-KICK EVERY FAR EASTERN BUTTOCK THAT APPEARS BEFORE MY EYES!!!
    (the recruits fearfully stand up straight and get in formation, despite the fact that Gant was speaking in English)
    Algren: Well done, sergeant.
    Gant: When you understand the language, sir, everything falls into place.
  • Algren and his one-sided conversation with the samurai assigned to guard him.
    "I just realized, I've been remiss. Forgive me, I forgot to thank you for looking out for me yesterday. That is your job, correct? Protecting me. Well done 'Bob.' You don't mind if I call you Bob, do you? I knew a Bob once; God, he was ugly as a mule. Are you a ladies man, Bob?"
  • The tension of a meal with the woman whose husband he just learned he had killed is broken for the audience by one of her children making faces at Algren.
  • The meeting with Katsumoto the day after Ujio and Algren's first "duel", a thoroughly pained Algren crawls into the house and lays down slowly.
    Katsumoto: [Not looking up from his writing] Ujio has been teaching you the ways of the sword.
    Algren: [carefully and painfully entering and laying down to rest, trying to not to groan from the pain] ...Yes, he has.
  • Katsumoto asking Algren about his military career, and upon learning about the death of George Armstrong Custer, mistakes the man's suicidal arrogance for samurai bravery (to Algren's exasperation).
  • The two samurai making wagers over how many moves Ujio will beat Algren in during training. One of them keeps losing and is twice forced to fork over some money, much to his annoyance.
  • Simon Graham getting past security by pretending that Algren is the United States President.
    • Come to personally lead Omura's army into battle, no less.
    • It's perfectly complemented by Algren's expression of "Wait, what!?" when Graham is making his proclamation.
      Algren: The President of the United States!?
      Graham: Sorry. I think I'm going to be sick.
    • And Graham's perfectly feigned outrage when the guard draws his sword
      Graham: You insolent, useless son of a peasant dog! How dare you show your sword in his presence! Do you know who this is?!
    • Not to mention Algren drawing himself up and attempting to look dignified in response to Graham's lie.
    • Before any of that, Algren tells Graham not to stop under any circumstance. When it looks as if Graham actually will stop, you can see Algren subtly nudge Graham forward with his left arm to keep him moving.
  • Katsumoto, Algren, and their small, outdated army ride back from the brief negotiation with Omura and Bagley and their much bigger and better equipped army. Katsumoto's officers gather to hear what happened and Katsumoto gives them a flippant comment. Doubles as Gallows Humor, since they know that the battle will likely be a Last Stand.
    Katsumoto: Well, they won't surrender.
  • Before the final battle, Algren's horse kicks a poor Samurai in the background.
  • While preparing for battle, Algren inspires Katsumoto with the romanticized folklore legend of Thermopylae, telling him three hundred Spartans held off a million Persians and broke their will. During the actual fighting, Katsumoto thinks to ask what happened to the Spartans at Thermopylae. Algren mentions they died to the last man. Katsumoto bursts out in cheerful laughter.

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