Funny / The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries

• The Hardy Boys & Nancy Drew Meet Dracula: The Hardys are trying to convince a ragtag group of street buskers to let Joe (aka Teen Idol Shaun Cassidy) join their group, as a cover to get into a rock festival to find their missing father. The lead of the group (played by Bernie Taupin) isn't too thrilled with the idea, and finally Frank offers to pay the group to let them in:
  Bernie (pointing at Joe): Either you're really desperate to get into show business, or he must be awful.

• House on Possessed Hill:
  (Joe's trying to talk Frank into investigating a supposedly cursed house)
  Joe: Frank, you're not scared of going there at night, are you?
  Frank: Yeah, that about captures the spirit of it.
  Joe: Okay. Okay. I guess I can face the demons of the night alone. See you in the morning.
  Frank: (after Joe walks away) ...brothers.
  • This exchange, while Joe and Stacey are driving to the house:
  Stacey: [The house] belongs to the dead.
  Joe: (deadpan, with a fake pleasant smile) Oh. The dead.
  • While the Real After All ending is very creepy, Joe reacts to seeing the ghost with a blank stare into the middle distance and a little whimper of fear that's so unmanly it's funny.
• Mystery of the Haunted House: Two of the employees of the Haunted House restaurant, dressed as a vampire and Frankenstein's monster, resolving to keep something quiet because they don't want to scare anyone.
• Game Plan: federal agents and Fenton Hardy rescue Joe from the Big Bad's apartment, just as one of the main henchman walks in. Fenton and the feds give chase down the building's stairwell, only for Joe to suddenly rush in from a door on a lower landing:
  Joe: (grabbing the henchman) Should've taken the elevator, buddy...
  (agents & Fenton catch up, agents take the henchman away)
  Fenton: (looking confused at his son) How...how did you... (Joe only grins)...oh.
• Defection to Paradise: Harry Hammond has just tasked Frank & Joe with finding an expensive concert speaker stolen from the group Bread; Frank and Joe are driving in Hawaii, discussing how best to handle the case. What follows is one of the funniest moments in the series, with the brothers planning how to totally take advantage of Hammond & the US Government:
  Joe: Now this is what I call an assignment. Hanging out in Hawaii for a couple weeks, checking out the local action...
  Frank: Joe, we still have job to do. We got to find that missing speaker — you know how difficult that's going to be?
  Joe: Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say. But stealing a series G transonic speaker is like stealing an aircraft carrier. I mean, the minute you take it out, you're in big trouble.
  Frank: Kinda sticks out in a crowd.
  Joe: Yeah. Besides, who would be stupid enough to steal a speaker, then take it out & show it off in front of everybody?
  Frank: (obviously trying not to smile) You got a point there. I guess this could be a long, tough case, waiting around for whoever lifted the speaker to get enough courage to show up in public with it...
  Joe: You got it. Now the way I see it...we spend our days with the surfing crowd —
  (Frank gives Joe one of those knowing half-smiles)
  Joe: — well...just to pick up any extra information.
  Frank: And how do we spend our nights?
  Joe: Force ourselves to stay up late. Hit all the big spots.
  Frank: Yeah. Yeah! Constant vigil!
  Joe: We don't the meaning of the word sleep. I think we owe it to our country.
  Frank: (now smiling openly) Yeah...I can't argue with you. When you're right, you're right. We could be stuck here for several months.
  Joe: It's a dirty job. But somebody's gotta do it.
• During the second crossover with Nancy Drew, Mystery of the Hollywood Phantom, most of her and Frank's interactions are Belligerent Sexual Tension with a healthy helping of Ship Tease. Joe, meanwhile, watches the whole thing with great amusement.
  Fenton: (on Nancy) I like her.
  Frank: I do too.
  (Beat as Joe grins and Frank glares at him.)
  Joe: I didn't say anything.
  • Later on, after Nancy storms off from an argument with Frank:
  Frank: If I ever speak civilly to that girl again, dump a bucket of water on my head.
  Joe: (grinning like the Cheshire Cat) Any particular size?
• "A Haunting We Will Go" has a decent amount of Snark-to-Snark Combat between the aging celebrities. They have a shared Dark Secret, suspect one of them of blackmailing the others and are trying to get rid of the evidence of their old sin from a bricked-up wall.
  • One highlight is Seth Taylor telling Thelma Marsh that whenever he sees one of her movies on an airplane in first class, he goes back to the economy section.
  • Ned stumbles across Thelma and Alex Richmond moving a load of bricks from the wall. They unload a load of Blatant Lies about the bricks being for Alex to sleep on for his back. Then, once Ned leaves, Alex says that holding up the bricks for so long just threw his back out.
  • The Running Gag of Danny Day's …But I Play One on TV medical knowledge.
  • When they find out the man they've been blackmailed for killing is still alive and is the one who's been blackmailing them for all of that time, their outage is done in a deliciously hammy fashion.