Funny / The Elder Empire

OSaS

Of Sea and Shadow

• Shuffles, the horrific Elderspawn that perches on Calder's shoulder like a parrot and screeches any word it hears that it finds funny. It inevitably finds the threat of horrific death hilarious, resulting in it screeching "KILL THEM ALL" and "EVERYONE DIES" at full volume an inch from Calder's ear.
• The exchange when the crew first approaches the Gray Island:
  “All hands on deck!” Calder shouted.
  Andel spoke up from the nearby folding table, where he was idly shuffling cards. “We’re all here, sir.”
  “What have I told you about shouting, Andel?”
  “That you like it.”
  “That’s right. Don’t take that from me.”
• Foster knocks out Naberius rather than bother talking with him any more.
  "Time was, I could have done that in one shot," Foster said, shaking out the hand holding the pistol. "Must be getting old."
  "You shouldn't make a habit of hitting people over the head," Andel advised. "You're more likely to kill them than to knock them senseless."
  "Oh, I'm aware."

Of Shadow and Sea

• The heart of Nakothi whispers to anyone nearby, nearly driving the entire Consultant crew insane. Shera and Meia, on the other hand, treat the whole thing as an annoyance, including multiple assassination attempts on themselves.
  Meia: Pay attention, everyone. If you hear a mysterious voice whispering to you in your head, giving you instructions, don't listen to it. I'm shocked that I have to tell you this.
• This little bit when Meia catches a Consultant trying to take advantage of a distraction to claim the heart.
  She turned to Shera and winked. "I hear everything that happens on the ship."
  A young Mason cleared his throat from behind her. "Uh...everything, Gardener?"
  Meia looked at him with flat, disgusted eyes. "Everything."
  He slunk off and hid behind a barrel.
• In the flashbacks, the Emperor has some... odd ideas of what it means to be emotional.
  "Nonetheless, I am glad you've returned. Something significant has happened. It has left me quite disturbed, as I'm sure you've noticed." He sipped some more tea.
  "What's happened to you?" Shera asked in mock horror. "You're a wreck!"
  The Emperor nodded to her as if to concede a point, unaware of the irony. "I do apologize for that."

ODaD

Of Dawn and Darkness

• When Calder is trying to order the Consultants to surrender, Shuffles gets out of its cage and starts shouting anything that sounds threatening, while Andel runs around trying to recapture it.
  Calder: Andel, at the end of this I'm going to shove something into a cage. I'd prefer if it was Shuffles.

Of Darkness and Dawn

• Lukan shatters the door to his cell, finally breaking out... and then, after a talk with Shera, realizes he needs to stay imprisoned at least a little longer. He grimaces and really wishes he had figured that out before he destroyed the door. He does somehow manage to get it back together before the guard wakes up.

OKaK

Of Kings and Killers

• Calder manages to contact Ozriel, the Reaper, Eighth Judge of the Abidan Court, and learns many important things about the nature of his world and the Elders. Ozriel is, however, still Ozriel.
  • He solemnly tells Calder that since time is short, he will keep everything limited to important, practical information. Then he brews himself the greatest cup of tea in all existence and explains its origin to Calder.
  • Ozriel promises that Calder is safe while with him. Then Urgnot probes his defenses, and Ozriel slaps him back like a dog. Ozriel cheerily notes that he couldn't have timed that demonstration better if he had tried.
• Bliss still hates her father, Nathaniel Boreas, head of the Alchemist's Guild, even as the Imperialists and Independents have agreed to a truce. She expresses a desire to turn him into a handbag, and Jorrin casually says that he'll be marginally more useful as a man.

Of Killers and Kings

• Nathaniel Boreas betrays the Consultants right before the final battle. Their reaction is exasperation; they knew he was going to betray them, but only a complete idiot would start a civil war before the final battle.
• When Boreas tries to take the Consultant ship, Shera just orders his body double to kill him. Which he does, instantly, with great relish. Boreas actually survives, but Shera assures the body double that they told Bliss about his escape plan; he's not getting away.

---